Child Custody, Legal rights, Parental responbility.

Someone needs to be the legal custodian of this child. The grandparents have stepped forward to accept this role. It has nothing to do with this guy. He apparently has given up his legal parental rights.

Yeah he have given up the main responsibilities, however as the father and grandparents live together and the court know the dad doesn't want to be involved would they take that into consideration and maybe reject the grandparents.

Your boyfriend should speak with a lawyer. I am not a lawyer. I have been through a custody hearing in a court. He should speak to a real lawyer.

My understanding is that courts generally look out for what is in the best interest of the child. They should... none of this was the child's fault, and the child deserves the chance to have a decent life. That being said... if the grandparents want to care for the child, and the grandparents are stable financially and emotionally, then I think the grandparents may be able to offer the child stability.

I would hope that the father also would think about what is best for his child. Growing up in foster care is usually a pretty awful life for a child. Not all men have what it takes to be a good father... most do a pretty good job if they make the effort. If his parents can do a good job raising this child with the father's support, is there a chance that this could work out? Again, the child is the one person who is innocent here and deserves a chance.

In any case. The father should be talking with a lawyer.

Yeah he does have a lawyer and it does go through court etc.

It's just the child was (a rape child) due to the mother inserting drugs into him and taking advantage so she he mention that as well?

Are you really sure that you want to step into all this at such a young age? I know all the drama is probably interesting for you, but the novelty will wear off sooner or later.

See I love him (call me young and "you don't know what love is etc") just I just want clarirty really like if his grandparents do take her will she brought up thinking her dad is her "brother"

I just need strength to tell him exactly how I feel about the situation but I'm so scared that I'll sound like a selfish person ..

You should stay out of this. There is no way that you can help him. There is no way that he can be there for you. This is not your business. Sorry to say that, but that is the way it is.

The legal case will go forward. You don't want to hear this, it will be impossible for your boyfriend to have any healthy relationship until this is resolved. If you really love him, you will back off and let him figure this all out. If you don't, you will just become part of whatever mess is going on and make it worse.

I don't know if there is two sides to this story. It is possible that this woman drugged your boyfriend to get herself pregnant. If this happened, it is a criminal act... she should be jailed. But probably you don't know what really happened. All you know is that this is a mess that you are stepping into.

At most you should be supportive of his decisions. There is no way that you should be expressing any opinions to him about what he should do.

In my opinion, you should be supportive, but then back out of this relationship. It is best for you. It is also best for him... when a person is in the middle of a messy emotional situation, it is not the time to be jumping into a new relationship.

This man should listen to his lawyer. If he was drugged, then there should be a criminal case. You shouldn't have anything to do with this.

all of your questions should be addressed to the lawyer - but probably not by you as you are not a member of the family

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your boyfriend and his parents are going to have to work with the lawyer to sort this matter out

the number 1 priority here is finding a good home for the child, not making it a situation you or your boyfriend are happy/comfortable with

let the family deal with this - it truly has nothing to do with you - other than you having to accept the results

this is not about you
what you want or need in this situation is not relevant

this is about a small child and what will be best for it

well at least it's good to know that you sound selfish

this is not about you - it is really none of your business

be supportive of your boyfriend as he , his parents and the lawyer move forward - do not offer your opinions

Please listen to Max's and others advice. I know you want to be involved, included, have your opinion matter, but this isn't the situation to do all that.

Step back from the situation and find a way to support your boyfriend that does not involve this situation. Go out to a movie or dinner and don't bring it up unless he wants to talk about it. Even if he DOES want to talk about it you need to remind him that you -really don't know-. You don't have the life experience, legal knowledge, etc, to offer an informed opinion.

This child can call the birth father anything (brother, pappy etc.)

The issue is who will have legal custody of the child. That is the person.(s) who decide what is best for the child and provides housing, food, medical concerns, etc.

Best that you step back and let this group decide what is best for the baby. Of course, if he is in the house he will have contact with the child, may even have a parenting role, but he will not be the legal custodian.

Grandparents bring up grandkids all the time.

He might want to attend parenting classes. Who knows how he will feel in 3 years?

Everyone has given you good advice here. The most important thing is for this child to have loving parents. This means whoever ends up being the legal guardian for the child whether it is the child's birth parents or grandparents or whoever else.

As far as what the child calls his/her birth dad - I guess they will work it out as a family - they will decide between birth dad and grandparents similar to how involved this "dad" will be.

You are a girlfriend, barely an adult yourself, this is a mature adult situation. If you are not ready for it and want to be selfish (I don't mean this in a negative way at all you are young and it is your time to be selfish - you should be), so be it. You don't need to be involved. Continue your relationship and see where it goes. It is possible he ends up being so involved it impacts your relationship with him - you have the option of breaking it up. It might end up that it doesn't change his time with you and he spends little time with the child. Like any relationship there are no guarantees any way.

When I was in my 20s I dated a guy for a while. I did not know he had a young child. The child lived with her mother. After dating him for while he let me know. Once when we were out, he said oops I got to call the child's mom, I was supposed to pick my daughter up and spend time with her. I got so mad at his irresponsibility to his child that he was spending time out having fun with me when his daughter was waiting for him. I realized then what an irresponsible and selfish man he was - and it actually turned me off on him. Needless to say we didn't last much longer.