Having an affair and confused..

If you want your marriage to work, then get rid of the guy on the side and concentrate fully on your husband, preferably with counseling (either together or apart). In particular, if you have children, please at least make an effort. I don't mean that old crap about staying together for the sake of the children - I mean making one last effort for their benefit - but if it doesn't work, then at least you can say you tried.

If you want to be with this guy on the side, then get a divorce and give your husband a chance to find someone who will try love him. He's, I am guessing, around 40, 42 or so. He doesn't have to resign himself to just keeping the status quo for the next (on average) 35 - 40 years.

Keeping both of them means you don't give anyone your full attention. And by God I hope you're using birth control, given you are probably also around 40 and can still get pregnant. Unless you want to spin a big wheel to figure out who the dad is, make sure you are protecting yourself that way. I would also seriously suggest to you the need for condoms in order to protect yourself and your partners from STDs. Don't give me that crap about you're only sleeping with two guys and your guy on the side only sleeps with you and his wife. You don't know if he's got a second (or more) chippie on the side, and you don't know what his wife is doing. Bringing home gonorrhea is going to be a fun conversation, now, isn't it? So protect everyone.

Finally, of course the FWB guy is happy as a clam and doesn't want anything to change. He's got it good ten ways till Sunday. He gets to **** you if his wife says no, and he gets to keep his money and his home without her taking him to the cleaners.

But hey, you're welcome to this selfish jackass if you really want him.

Yeah I've given my husband more chances then I can count, he hasn't been unfaithful to me by any means at all, we just fight too much. And sadly, he is no longer able to perform in he bedroom, so picking a dad wouldn't be hard, PLUS me and the other guy do use condems. My husband and I have come to this bridge once before, about counseling to save our marriage, he refuses. Says I just need to be happy. He provides everything I need financially, he's just not so good on the emotional part of it. So I'm a way I feel bad because I feel like I'm being the selfish one because I'm more concerned with being satisfied emotionally and physically then financially, and that's wrong.

But my concern with the other guy is that twice now I have tried to break it off and twice now he has smooth talked his way back into my bed. I'm sure he is happy as a clam because he can get it from both of us. Plus she financially supports him mostly. She has a set financial status, and he has to work to earn his money. I just give him sexual favors time to time, but he still keeps me there. I'm more curious as to HIS motive. I asked him once why he wants me so much when I have nothing to offfer and of course he said the sex was the best, what I do for him is the best.

So idk. My husband and I have been married a long time, 16 years, and we've always been fighting about little non important stuff and this last time was no exception. He felt it necessary to tell me to do something when I actually already knew how to do it. .