Cheater - Need advice, guidance, help or just a good kick in the pants

None of the following are excuses or attempts to place blame on anyone. I take full responsibility for my actions and recognize that I have a serious problem and short of seeking professional help, looking for other peoples' opinions on this site.

I grew up with some men in my family who had women on the side and although it was always seemingly hidden from their wives, it was not always hidden from me. How and where did I witness? In social settings. Relatives would take me places and often there were different women that even at a young age, I could tell they were more than just friendships. This didn't seem "cool" to me but normal at the time. I was very young when I first witnessed this behavior and as I grew older put the pieces together and what had been occurring was clear. It was cheating. Girls/women were simply disposable.

I entered my first "serious" relationship in '96 when I was 18. We married in '02 and the marriage ended in '14. I cheated during that lengthy span but will say that the marriage did not end because of my infidelities. The net of that whole situation is that we stayed together for the wrong reasons from day one.

After the marriage was over I started dating again. Having been in an empty relationship for so many years I knew what I was looking for in a partner and what I had to offer (my good side of course, believe me I have one). I met some pretty compatible women along the way but my ways had not changed. On top of this, I convinced myself that for some reason everyone that I met was just like me. Even though no one gave me a reason to believe they were up to no good, I made up my own reasons as to why they were and continued cheating, disposing of and moving on to the next, etc. I was not cheating because I thought they were. I was just being who I always was. This is when I fully recognized that I had some serious problems.

If I could not trust myself, why in the world would I trust anyone else?

The reason that I chose to open this account and post is because I met someone who I feel is more than just "pretty compatible". She is amazing. She is the first person that I have opened up to about my problem and resulting insecurities with trust. Despite my issues and along with already having tried to push her away twice, she expressed wanting me to seek help. I do not disagree with needing or seeking help, which is why I am here. More importantly, because I would very much like to make things work with her.

tl;dr? I have always been a cheater who has not been able to trust myself and because of this, much less trust anyone else.

Your input is appreciated. It is past 0200 so I hope this makes sense.