I was dating someone for over 4 years. Lots of chemistry and passion but I ultimately broke up because he had no money saved and only earned enough to pay basic bills and I caught him in some lies about his finances; he is also not good with money and hasn't been for a long time. Given he is 65 years old I was scared I'd end up supporting him and while I earn a good living and have fairly sizable assets I have myself and my 2 kids to support and don't have enough extra money to undertake this additional responsibility. After we broke up he reached out to me and told me he lost his job but as soon as he found another job he wants to immediately marry me and knows we belong together. I believe he does love me although I worry it may be for my finances as well. He has a good chance of getting a job he's applied for but will earn even less than before.
I also met someone else. He is financially secure, a good man and easy to get along with but the passion is "just average" and he is a bit "challenged sexually", which is an issue with me but I may be able to accept it. He says he loves me.
I believe I love each of them but can't decide which man is right for me. I need to make a decision now because I don't want to hurt either one. Thoughts?
You're right that the 65 year old will probably turn out to be a project, and most likely that will be sooner rather than later. I also agree he will be a financial drag, and the lying about his finances is troubling. If you do decide on him, then get a serious prenuptial agreement, drafted by a competent attorney. Get your kids on your insurance policies and the deed to your house, etc. Set up an eventual power of attorney only for them (you obviously don't need it now, but it can be drafted - I take it you're over the age of 35 ).
The other guy seems to have potential. Can you get him to a doctor for a physical? Lots of things create sexual performance issues in older guys - diabetes or pre-diabetes, high blood pressure - those could be part of the reason. And if they are and they are currently untreated, then he needs for those things to be treated. A physical would be a good idea even if he's 100% healthy. Can't hurt him, and it's worth a shot. Plus of course there are ED drugs these days. So that could be the solution as well. Performance issues could also be psychological.
And you can work on this, too, and take some responsibility for your own orgasms. Work together for a satisfactory conclusion. That is, if he matters to you even if it's not super-passionate.
Or, you can try for someone else, or be alone. You don't need to be married. You don't need to be committed to someone.
And, your question reminded me of this song, so I'll post it.
maybe neither one is the right one. they both seem ok but not great options.
is there a reason you're not looking for someone with passion and stability? is there a reason you need to make a decision? let them both know you're not ready to commit to either of them (and be honest with both of them that you are seeing other people)
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centrox
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Tue 18 Jul, 2017 10:52 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
Or, you can try for someone else, or be alone. You don't need to be married. You don't need to be committed to someone.
If you have to ask which man to marry, you shouldn't marry either, surely? Or am I being first-world about this?
).
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