Refuse to elope but get this...

Forums: Using My Money, Not Good Enough
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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We have had our share of problems of course, and we have four kids all four and under. He has been wanting to purchase a house for some time now which is great but I did inform and speak in depth to him that I wasn't ready for the huge financial commitment as I'm 26. But I put my fear aside and agreed to make the move as it would be great for our future and kids of course, as well as it would better suite our monthly financials as renting is expensive in Ontario. So I have started saving my personal income for some down payment. Now, we are using my money for the down payment and his dad is also putting alot of money toward the down payment, while my boyfriends income will keep us afloat while we search for a home.. Let me say- my credit is terrible so his dad and his name only will be on the house. The past few weeks we have spoke of my self changing my last name to his and our kids so we all will have the same last name. That was spoken about happening by applying for a name change. Well, yesterday I brought up eloping as I figure, we have four kids, are now buying a house, been 8 years.. Why not.. So I brought it up to him and he came back with... "maybe when we fix us". No we are not perfect. Who is? But I know I want to be together forever no matter what issues arise.. I have brought the subject upon a few times and he's always said no, or maybe when this or maybe when that.. Etc.. So why am I putting my money into a down payment for a house that's his and his dad's, it feels like I'm handing him my money to buy himself a house and making this huge commitment that I was not ready for but figured after 8 years of being together it's time.. He has made it clear threw the years he didn't wanna ever be married but I figured he would change his mind at some point.. What do I do.. Why would he be ok with me changing my last name to his by applying for name change but won't marry me or even go to the court house to elope

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 637 • Replies: 19

Well, he has let you know where he stands on marriage. Now make him know how YOU stand on being a financial partner in the purchase of this house.

You need to see a lawyer about either getting your name on the deed OR that your portion of the down payment is considered a loan (lein) against the house. If the house gets sold, or you two break up, you get your cash back - with interest.

Four kids with this guy and he is hesitant about marrying you? Geez, he's a piece of work.

3 Replies

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

that your portion of the down payment is considered a loan (lein) against the house.

Lien. And this is really good advice.

1 Reply

@centrox,

I don't know how to go about speaking to a lawyer or if I just feel like he's using me to get my money in order to help him purchase a house that he knows he can kick me out of..

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He doesn't want to marry you, but he sure likes your money. Do not give him this money.

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@PUNKEY,

I replied to the wrong person, would you say or think he was using me for my money as an outsider looking in?.

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Sorry if you didn't like my answer.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

And how would I go about speaking to a lawyer or what would I even say..

Also, you comment about the four kids and still won't marry me. Do u think I have given him a reasonable amount of time to change his mind or to get his act together.. I mean. Why am I good enough to have four kids with n pay his down payment or even pitch in money but not good enough to marry

2 Replies

@Qtpatootie,

You can go to legal services in your area or the bar association. Many of them are online or you can telephone them (or you can drop by).

Ask to speak with a family lawyer. Tell them what you told us, or hell, just print out this topic and bring it with you. Ask about your rights in this matter. And while you're at it, ask about common law marriage. In some jurisdictions, you may have been together long enough to be considered as married in the eyes of the law, ceremony or no ceremony.

But contact a lawyer first and know your rights.

1 Reply

@centrox,

Your answer is the truth. That's what i was hoping to receive. I know he doesn't wanna marry me.. Not sure why he is still with me tho after 8 years.. He's 36..im 26. If anything he should be ready for all the different commitments in life

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@jespah,

We don't claim common law unfortunately so the common law idea wouldn't go over well

2 Replies

@Qtpatootie,

I'm talking about the jurisdiction. The state decides whether you are common law married, if that is the law. You don't decide that.

1 Reply

I am taken aback to see Jespah, perhaps our wisest adviser, get a downvote. Especially when that advice is so very good.

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@jespah,

In Ontario for the law to decide if your common law or not all depends on if taxes are claimed together or separately. We claim separate. Always have

1 Reply

@Qtpatootie,

Since you seem to be pretty intent on arguing against the advice being given....

Give this guy the money, it'll be fine. Don't worry about the marriage thing, eight years is just a tiny fraction of time. You are 26, you've got at least a good 50 years to keep waiting, you'll change him sooner or later.

The yelling and slamming and demanding sex while you are recovering from surgery? All that is totally normal, happens to us all. And those four young kids, don't worry at all about their safety or stability, you guys are excellent role models. In another 16 years or so they'll be grown up and acting just like mom and dad, so another bonus for society.

Best of luck!

1 Reply

@tibbleinparadise,

Clearly your mistaken my replies. I'm not at all "arguing" against I'm more so of feeling that the situation wouldn't be as easy to get in order.

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@Qtpatootie,

You are in Ontario. You are considered married by virtue of having lived together for so long.

Get yourself an appointment with a lawyer asap.

You are already online - google family lawyer + your location . Make an appointment for a consultation.

Before you put a dime toward a house with this person, speak to a lawyer.

Four children under four with someone who doesn't want to admit they're married to you but wants your money to put into a house he will own with his father. You need to slow down and get some legal advice before you move forward.

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@Qtpatootie,

Qtpatootie wrote:

We don't claim common law unfortunately so the common law idea wouldn't go over well

it doesn't matter what you claim - you are married based on the laws of Ontario.

Quote:

In order for a couple to have common-law standing in Ontario and Manitoba, they must be living together in a conjugal relationship for three years or more, or one year with a child.

1 Reply

@Qtpatootie,

Qtpatootie wrote:

In Ontario for the law to decide if your common law or not all depends on if taxes are claimed together or separately. We claim separate. Always have

Refuse to elope but get this...

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