Slappy experiences stage fright...literally

I'm not usually phased by much, but even I couldn't take the next step in this situation I got myself into. One of the funniest things that's ever happened to me.

It's late Saturday afternoon, and I'm at a strip club with some friends. We're hanging out at the "bar," and a couple shot girls are standing there talking to us. One mentions how there's a group of strippers off work at a closed off bar in another room celebrating one's birthday, and they ordered a male stripper that never showed up.

I immediately inform her that I am a male stripper.

Confirming that all women who work at these places are brain dead, she obviously believes me, and is delighted she found a male stripper in the crowd. "No way? Where do you work?"

I told her I was a Chippendale in Boston at the Roxy. She tells me she's been there before, and asks me if I want to dance for the girls. "Absolutely!" (I would have to say I look nothing like a Chippendale).

The two shot girls escort me past a bouncer into a hidden section of the club. There's a group of about 10-12 girls at a bar, with their own bartender. I walk in like I own the place, ask who the b-day girl is, and proceed to tell her I'm usually dressed like a fireman, but this was a last minute gig. I can sense the girls smell B.S. They're just looking at me with very blank faces. Then again, they're all probably coked out of their minds.

The shot girl is still standing there, and tells me to get up on the bar and start it up. I get up on the bar....then just start laughing my ass off. What the hell was I going to do? I can't get naked in front of these chicks. I mean, I wasn't even wearing my red leather thongs or anything. I just jumped off the bar and walked back to my friends, kicking over one of their drinks on the way back.

Shot girl laughs at me, telling me I got stage fright...then tells my friends I could have made about $300. I don't know if I could have even pulled it off, I just can't believe I got myself in that situation.