Hi. I need to talk

Yes, He is openly verbally abusive to everyone. In the begiining he was so nice to me and so charming. There was no way!! I could have known, then throug time I started to notice him treating me this way. I thought I could change him, I hoped it would get better. It has gradually gotten worse over time. He had me so pyschologically brained washed and beaten down, I didnt know up from down. Now I know this has been his plan. It wasnt until I got sick and almost passed out on the floor of his room that something was seriously wrong with him. He got mad at me for collasping and said if this happens again Im just going to leave you there and not give a **** what happens to you. I was so shocked!! but I couldnt move. It took me 3 hours to sit up, finally I left and went back to my place at 3 in morning. This man is getting worse. I think he is a sociopath which means he puts on a masks of being a nice guy, but really he hates everyone. He doesnt care. Hes been acting this(like he loves me) to me this whole time until this incedent where I got sick and I woke up!! Yes, I knew before he had a problem, but never did I think it would be to the exstent that it is developing into now.

Thank you jespah and everyone.

Ive started taking steps now to get myself out of here. Im seeing a crisis counselor this Friday. A man whp specialies in domestic abuse. I have a cheap hotel to go to now if anything happens and I need to get out. He will never know where this is and so I have a super safe place if need it.

The only real unfortunate thing is that Ive had gotten really sick. I almost passed out on his bedroom floor and it took me about 3 hours to be able to sit up and move to his bed. The whole time he started lecturing me real mean that if this ever happens again he was going to leave me there and not give a **** what happens to me. This is what woke me up. There is something terribly wrong with this man. I panicked!!!! and with that and the realisation that Im was being abused something in me just snapped, something in body just gave out. I saw a doctor and ruled out any other cause. The cause is him. Im stressed out. cortsol going through my body to the point where Ive been so weak, body aches, head aches, shaking, I had a feavor of 102. couldnt sleep, night chilld, night sweats, etc. I thought I was going to end up in the emergency room. I was so scared. And he didnt care. Blamed this on me. He said I was making myself sick, as an excuse of some kind. After this, I knew: I have got to get out of here. He is so sick, frickin messed up. and with knowledge I got even sicker!!! Scared the **** out me!

Since then, I saw my doctor and crisis counselor and now a professional Im seeing this Friday to help me make a plan to leave here.

I never knew what really verbal abusive was!! I had no idea it had to do with control. Boy! I know now. I had no idea it had to do with being brained washed. I had no clue! Now, Im putting boundaries in place. Im being firm about it. At first he got really mad!! and hit the wall out side my door. I yelled back and said if you do that again Im calling the police. Im not sure if he heard me, but I can say he knows I mean business. Im not taking his **** anymore. Ive gained space now in my little apt. to be alone and to get better. + I am getting better, thank God!! My doctor gave me something to help me finally rest. The only problem now is that I have a wierd weakness in my thiegh muscles and arms. Dont ask me. my immune systum is weak. I know, but Im getting stronger every day.

thanks for listening. I will check in very soon. ( ;


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Also.. I dont know if Im repeating myself with my story.. if so.. oh well.. Im tramatised. I'll check and try not repeat myself over and over if thats the case. thanks

I and probably others am listening, hang in there.

Don't worry about repeating yourself. It's really hard right now, you just focus on keeping yourself safe.

Btw, do you know what's making you ill? I don't want to add to your stress levels, but could he be poisoning you?

Go you!

I dont think so. I do suspect he laced something on me when we were smoking. Cant prove it. I collasped 3 times only in his presence when doing this. I think he might have done it to do his brain washing number on me. All I know is that shortly before the last time I almost passed out, I had suggested that his father had been abusive to his mother, instead of the other way around as his mother all ways being labeled the bad person and his father the big victim. I guess he didnt like that idea. So hey.. punish me. I really dont know. This is just a hunch. It most likely has nothing to do with the incedent. This man is just sick. He thinks he owns me like a pet dog. I fall down sick, hey no sex tonight, enough to set him off because Im not being his perfect women and all ways doing what he wants. end of story

I found some mase today. Keeping it in my right hand drawer.

Be extra vigilant when smoking with him. Just because you can't prove something doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I know!

Hi All!
Much progress has been made to get myself out of this situation. Every day I get a little fit further along. Sometimes I get depressed or in another state of shock and I dont want to move. I just sit in front of my computer, reading reading and reading. Good reads I must say, but hard to deal with readings since what I have discovered is that this man who I have been involved with for over a year now, is a sociopath. Sociopath, Psychopath, Narcissists What Ever!!!! All I know is that he fits into every description possible in this department. And "Yes!" it's been frightening to me to be with someone who has just been fake! behind a mask. To be with someone who just uses women to be vechicles to do their bidding. The man scares the ****! out of me and yes of course this has been his plan.

My plan has been working to get a job. I had a really good interview yesterday. All I can do is hope and hope and hope and do my best to stay dilegent towards continueing my search. It feels like Im nervous all the time, so Im taking this nervousness to propel me to keep packing and organisng my things to be ready for the day I can finally leave and be free.

Ive been so angry! I know this is normal but sometimes I really have a hard time controling it. Ive wanted my abuser to know that I know what he is like the air I breath because of all the brain washing he has done to me and emotional abuse to try to get me to forget who I am, to doubt myself and feel helpless,all to make me into his little servant, only here to for HIS NEEDS and his needs only; And then to eventually just discard me like nothing happened. Reality twisters these men are, oh ya! I plan to get out before he hurts me further, but it hasnt been easy.

Ive been oh so angry and have made the mistake of letting him know it. Thus, hes been using his projection on me to counter back everything that is true about him, not me. I need to end here for a moment but I will continue. thanks

These Socio Morons (this is what Im calling him now) think they are sooo smart. They think they have everybody fooled! I cant count how many times I have almost fallen out of my chair over discovering just how manipulative this man is. I could go on and on , he doesnt feel, not really, he fakes it. He is sick, he is so sick. He has all ready acused me of being an energy vampire and the other day, now I am the one who thinks the world revolves around me , never him, natually. He is never wrong, ever! Blames me and everyone here, but never him. He's perfect. Mr. America. Ok, so you get the idea. I dont need any more proof to know what Im dealing with.

A couple days ago he had a Narcisstic rage on me in the kitchen. He claimed some black cat in the kitchen attacked him and if he sees that cat again he said he was going to kill it. Well, he knows the only black cat that goes in there is mine, my favorite dearest of a friend Joey. He's my Joy. He wouldnt hurt a fly, afraid of people except me and if he bit him, it was in defense. He kept on saying it. Im going ot kill that cat! Of course I freaked out!!!!!! and proceded to follow after him in pursuit to confront him on what he just said. I was absolutely terrified! I paced around for awhile not knowing what to do and started looking for Joey and I couldnt find him anywhere. Finally in my panic I walked into his office and I dont remember what I said? I know I was saying Im sorry a lot. Like it was my fault the cat bit him? Like it was my problem because I was reacting the way I was out of fear? How dare I react this way. This was his additude.

It was only about 5 minutes prior to his scene in the kitchen that I was out side on the front porch petting my cat and talking to him, giving him love, you know. He saw me out there. I know he did. Did this make him jealous? I dont know. All I know is that he took this opportunity over my fear of him hurting my most beloved cat to rant and rave infront of me in his office so he not let me get a word in edge wise while he went on about how I am a Narcissist of sorts, and because I was upset and afraid hed hurt my cat, that meant that I think the world revolves around "Me". He actually said: Me!, Me!Me!. in refernece to.............me. lol

I left, walked out my fear and anger, then came back again to say I was sorry. I had to! Then I acted like I felt sorry for him and asked to see his hand. Well, he wouldnt let me look at it. Not really. he pulled his hand away real fast so I couldnt really see it . Moments before he said it could be so bad he might have to get his finger ampitated. ya!! The out of the blue, he said he was sorry. Rare ,super rare, 2nd time Ive heard these words in a year and a half. So now, Im making him dinner again. I have to. For the saftey of my cat and for the saftey of me.

What Im really talking about with all this here are these little signs that are pointing to me being severely emotionally abuse and manipulated by a sociopath.
Hes mad at me because Im not being his little servant girl anymore. Im not making him his dinners anymore and he is acting like a spoiled child about the age of 6 over this! Hes angry that I have tried to call him out., so it seems his only way to control me is out of fear. To terrorise me. This is what happened.

Now, Im silent. I have nothing more to say to him and will not discuss my feelings ever again. To be continued.