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Tue 27 Jun, 2017 05:32 pm
So I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 weeks.
I "waited" a week before something happened because I explained to him that I wanted to take baby steps. Anyways, the following day he messaged me, just like how you would expect any guy should do who likes/respects a girl.
So the day after he texted, I waited till evening and I got no texts from him (totally chill about it really) . Then as I was browsing through my Netflix, I saw one of the things we made an inside joke about and I told myself, why not send him a short video about it. So I did. The content was just a remote control browsing Netflix and saying that one movie is already available and nothing much more than that.
Checked 1 hour, no view.
2 hours, no view.
6 hours, he finally viewed it.
I checked a conversation and I saw a heart sent. BY ME! I knew that was by accident. Clearly it was. Now the problem is, I don't want him to think I'm all lovey dovey because clearly that stupid heart was accidentally sent. Believe me, guys. As following the rules, I don't want to text him again and say that was an accident because I'll definitely look needy. So, do you think it's ruined? Am I all desperate looking and all?
@sheisamess,
You are way over-thinking things. Texting a heart is no big deal. It probably made him smile and maybe made him a little happier. It is a good thing... no guy is going to read any more into than that you wanted to make him happy. He will see it as cute and nothing more.
Forget about the rules. They are idiotic.
Dating is supposed to be fun, and sending a heart to a new relationship is a good thing. Just go with it.
@sheisamess,
sheisamess wrote:
So I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 weeks.
I "waited" a week before something happened because I explained to him that I wanted to take baby steps. Anyways, the following day he messaged me, just like how you would expect any guy should do who likes/respects a girl.
So the day after he texted, I waited till evening and I got no texts from him (totally chill about it really) . Then as I was browsing through my Netflix, I saw one of the things we made an inside joke about and I told myself, why not send him a short video about it. So I did. The content was just a remote control browsing Netflix and saying that one movie is already available and nothing much more than that.
Checked 1 hour, no view.
2 hours, no view.
6 hours, he finally viewed it.
I checked a conversation and I saw a heart sent. BY ME! I knew that was by accident. Clearly it was. Now the problem is, I don't want him to think I'm all lovey dovey because clearly that stupid heart was accidentally sent. Believe me, guys. As following the rules, I don't want to text him again and say that was an accident because I'll definitely look needy. So, do you think it's ruined? Am I all desperate looking and all?
You are needy though. Or at least coming across that way. So you want to hide the fact that you are needy?
It was a silly emoj, get over it. He probably doesn't even think twice about it and you are sitting there stressing over it.
why are you putting all your eggs in one basket?
@Krumple,
Thanks for your response. It did make me feel better.
Also, I guess I am just a terrible person who overthinks a lot when it comes to dating. It's bad, I know and I should get over it.
@maxdancona,
Wow. This is incredibly light. Thank you for this because it absolutely made me feel better.
I guess I'll just let the universe handle it.
@sheisamess,
If you don't think there is anything between you and him developing maybe you should distract yourself by chasing another guy? If he comes around then you can decide if you want to pursue more with him but you'll continue to have heart ache stressing over one guy.
Not every guy will be a good match for you. With this thought in mind, it's why I stress it's okay and good to date as many people as possible because it gives you perspective on what you actually really want and/or want to avoid.
But like max said, relationships should compliment your life, not add stress to it. If there is resistance or stagnation it's a sign telling you the shoe isn't fitting well, you might need to shop for a new pair.
@Krumple,
Or maybe no guys at all. Haha!
Well, right now, everything is afloat. I do not know when I am going to see him and that situation frightens me because it is new to me. I am always the type who plans things ahead.
In the beginning he was all eager to ask me when he could see me again. Then after two days of ghosting, he apologized and asked if I still have time to see him. I forgave him for ghosting and he promised not to ever do it again and that's when we saw each other again and also the same time "something" happened. After it happened, he asked me if I still want to see him. I just do not understand to why he is turning the question to me but when he texted me the next morning, he did not mention anything about that night. So yeah, I am overthinking...A LOT.
@sheisamess,
Obviously what he's doing is working because he has you thinking and wondering about him. Step back from it. So you are a planner? Then plan.. what I mean is, if you need to plan something to keep your balance and sanity then plan out what you want or need to happen if you see him again. You can be flexible on when you actually do.
For me personally. This behavior of his is a sign that you aren't the only one he's got on the line. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I could be wrong (doubt it though).
Sometimes it's good not to invest too much into one person. It helps you maintain clarity.
@Krumple,
True and I completely agree. I do think I am not the only one he got on the hook. I should not be stupid to not know that but I think I am blinding myself.
Yes, I should plan to how to act when I see him again. Although I do not know how this time because for me, I feel like there is nothing to "act" anymore because he finally got what he wanted. That is a bad thinking, right? But I have one thing in my mind, if he message me, I will answer 2-3 days after. And if he asks to see me, I will not make myself available. How is that for a plan?
What a cycle to be in. Again.
@Krumple,
You're also right about it that dating should not be stressful and will keep you thinking that much.
@sheisamess,
sheisamess wrote:
True and I completely agree. I do think I am not the only one he got on the hook. I should not be stupid to not know that but I think I am blinding myself.
Yes, I should plan to how to act when I see him again. Although I do not know how this time because for me, I feel like there is nothing to "act" anymore because he finally got what he wanted. That is a bad thinking, right? But I have one thing in my mind, if he message me, I will answer 2-3 days after. And if he asks to see me, I will not make myself available. How is that for a plan?
What a cycle to be in. Again.
I can see by your questioning, you are split on if you should try to pursue more or accept that there's nothing more.
Did you have fun? It might not have been exactly what you wanted but every experience can tell you something about what you need for future romance.
It's okay that it didn't work out (if this is even the case) so don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes it's better that it ends early so you aren't too emotionally invested. He isn't your only chance at love. So let it be what it was or is.
Decide though what you need or want. Then go from there. This split uncertainty will eat you up. It's okay that it didn't go how you would have liked. The sooner you move on the sooner you can find a better match. That's the way I look at it. If you spend too much time trying to be available for him you might be missing an opportunity for something better/natural that turns out more favorable.
@Krumple,
Yes, I am actually on split because like I said, everything is afloat. I would want to say that I want to lean on something but that will be false.
He was fun and the overall was fun! And that scares me. Man, I think it all just boils down to me not ready for this?
@sheisamess,
sheisamess wrote:
Yes, I am actually on split because like I said, everything is afloat. I would want to say that I want to lean on something but that will be false.
He was fun and the overall was fun! And that scares me. Man, I think it all just boils down to me not ready for this?
Just let it be what it is. Society wants to beat people up on decisions you make when it's your life. This is actually what you are feeling. It doesn't always need to "work out". You had fun, let it just be that. It's okay. Holding onto this idea that you need to get more out of it (relationship) or else you did something bad, is the wrong way to look at it, if you ask me.
Afloat is fine too. Uncertainty isn't a bad thing. It's actually freedom. The thing is in the future you might look back and think, why was I wrapped up on all that. I guess I'm trying to say to not be afraid of moving on, because there is a chance that something even better could happen.
@Krumple,
Yeah, it does not always need to work out. It's been 3 days and I have not heard from him. That's "normal" for "modern dating" but it's messy and stresses you up.
I just want to move on from this really. I took a break from dating and now that I'm taking chance again, I got this in return. The universe sucks I guess. Ghosting is such an insensitive thing to do.
@Krumple,
Can I also share? I am an overthinker and you obviously know that already haha! But I was thinking there are 3 things in my head about this right now:
1. He ain't talking to me because is insanely busy and just wants to focus that's why he told me in the beginning that's it's gonna be an intense week.
2. He ain't talking to me because he does not want to set time on when he can see me because he is not sure.
3. He ain't talking to me because he finally got what he wanted.
@sheisamess,
He ain't talking to you because his phone died.
He ain't talking to you because he's got nothing to talk about.
He ain't talking to you because work got super-busy and he can barely look up.
It's not necessarily going to be some perceived fault in you that prevents communication. Please cultivate other activities and inner resources so you obsess a lot less about this kind of stuff in the future. Take up knitting or read mysteries or go Pokémon hunting or whatever you like - but make it something that takes time and attention. Be so busy that communications are nice but you are not hanging on every word and counting down the hours until they happen. Make it so that you are so busy and contented with your life that you can take or leave someone who can take or leave you. Make it so that you are occupied with a million other things and are naturally not communicating all the time and ditch the rules, which are stupid and sound like they were written in 1949, when my mother was dating.
Be the smart, confident, and independent woman you are capable of being.
Nothing to add to the good advice given; just wanted to say I love your thread title.
❤❤❤❤❤
@sheisamess,
sheisamess wrote:
Can I also share? I am an overthinker and you obviously know that already haha! But I was thinking there are 3 things in my head about this right now:
1. He ain't talking to me because is insanely busy and just wants to focus that's why he told me in the beginning that's it's gonna be an intense week.
2. He ain't talking to me because he does not want to set time on when he can see me because he is not sure.
3. He ain't talking to me because he finally got what he wanted.
why can't you send him a message? Just something funny and off the cuff? Don't need to make it more than that. Or expect anything more out of the message.
@Krumple,
Yeah I get it over with and sent him one yesterday. Nothing. I guess that was the answer I needed.
Why does modern dating needs to be this screwed?
@sheisamess,
Quote:Why does modern dating needs to be this screwed?
Do you prefer the traditional way?
Your parents would have picked out a husband for you when you were 13 or 14, and you would be married by age 16. It is certainly easier that way.
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