Help! Moving too fast!

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Ok so I have just started seeing a new guy. Wehave know each other for around 15 years to speak to and for a few years have been text buddies etc and get on well, have gave each other advice In the past about things etc etc. He has always made it clear he wanted more but I was either in other relationships or not in the position to want to be in a relationship but he had always maintained he has fancied me for the full time. Long story short he sent me roses for Valentine's Day and my mum and dad said look are you going to give this guy a chance or not, so I thought to myself okay what's the harm in going on a date, seeing how things go. He is not the most attractive guy which doesn't matter to me as it's not about looks , although I know to some they are important but we get on really well and can talk about anything. My problem is I feel that things are moving too fast , on his part.i said to him at the beginning I don't want to rush into anything but I'd happy to meet up and hang out see where it goes. On our first date I went down to his house for dinner, and I notice he has saved photos from my Instagram page and saved them to his Apple Watch so that his screen saver flicks through loads of photos of me. He constantly buys me presents which is just the kind of guy he is and which is lovely , but I feel like since the moment I said yes to meeting up for a date he has thought great that's us a couple and has been doing a lot of couple stuff for us, including booking a weekend away next month. Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to it and I enjoy spending time with him but I feel In General I have not had enough time to figure out my feelings yet for him, I just didn't want to rush things. It's been about three and a half months and we've met up about once or twice a week during that time. He has started talking about what we can do for next years summer holiday and has been asking me to meet his family, and they have been asking to meet me since our first date, his family and friends know everything about me and I've just started feeling a bit of pressure lately. Please help am I being unreasonable ? Should I know exactly what I want by now? Do t get me wrong he's a great guy and he hangs off my every word and always does lovely stuff for me but I'm so confused and feel guilty I'm not acting in the same way yet . Thanks everyone.

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@Agirlhasnoname,

Tell him things are moving too fast. Tell him to dial it back several notches and stop with the presents unless it's a true event such as a birthday or Xmas and stick to your guns. As in, give back anything else he tries to give you. Show him you mean what you say.

I get the feeling you feel you're being steamrolled, and you will be if you don't stand up for yourself in this relationship.

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@jespah,

Thanks for your reply. I do feel steam rolled you're right. I know that everything he is doing he is doing with good intentions and kindness but I feel out of my depth and he has booked us a trip away in two weeks time so I am not sure show to broach the subject without seeming ungreatful or unkind. I'm feeling under so much pressure for this to work out between us because his family is now expecting all sorts from knowing everything about me, and his friends also. I know I am going to be disappointing a lot of people by saying anything about it.
I'm not sure wether because we have chatted to each other for years he feels like now we've started meeting up that it's a given we're gona be together but for me I can't just make that decision so quickly. I wonder wether after three and a half months I shud know if I want this and am being unreasonable?

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@Agirlhasnoname,

Take a deep breath.

Relax.

If you are not sure about going on the trip with him, tell him now.

Be honest with him. Tell him you feel rushed and that you need to be sure about things.

It does not matter what other people think or want to have happen. Do not be concerned about his friends or family.

Be sure about what you want to have happen.

If you're not feeling the happy giddies when you are with him, step back. You are in the very early stages of a possible relationship - it should feel exciting, not like a task or project to get through.

__

You don't sound excited about being with this guy. Maybe he's meant to stay as a friend.

Slow things down and decide what you want to have happen next.

__

Did he talk to you about booking the trip beforehand ?

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@Agirlhasnoname,

Agirlhasnoname wrote:

Please help am I being unreasonable ?

no you're not being unreasonable.

you are within your rights to want to be sure of things before you proceed.

If he is such a good friend as you say at the beginning, you should be able to tell him to slow things down, let him know you will not be travelling with him at this point.

__

The screensaver thing seems a bit weird to me. I'd be uneasy about being alone with him anywhere.

__

Do you feel happygiddy when you know you will be seeing him? Do you feel happysilly when you are together?

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@jespah,

jespah wrote:

I get the feeling you feel you're being steamrolled,

Interesting, over here we say steamrollered.

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@ehBeth,

Thank you for your reply I appreciate it. Smile

No we didn't talk about it it was a surprise and I know he has said in passing he is planning more. Don't get me wrong I was happy to be going and I do like spending time with him but I just dont think if I had the choice I would have planned a major a trip as soon . He has went into so much detail planning it all too. In the last week or so since I have begun feeling less excited about seeing him, and it's nothing he has done we always have a good time together but I'm feeling like there's so much pressure on me that I am not getting the chance to work out my feelings for him. I've tried to speak to my mum about it but I feel like she thinks he is the bees knees for being so nice and doing so many nice things and spoiling me.

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@Agirlhasnoname,

People can be great without being the right people for us.

There is a great man who has been in my life for over 40 years now. My parents thought I should marry him. He thought I should marry him. I think he's great but I knew he wasn't the right guy for a life together. He never made me feel fluttery or giddy. I always enjoy time with him - but it's pleasant to be with him, not exciting.

You need to talk to him about this. Seriously. He needs to understand he is pushing too hard and you are not ready for that. If he can't hear you/understand you, you need to think whether you want to date him.

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@ehBeth,

This is very true. You are right . I'm not sure wether if things slowed down a bit I would be more relaxed and enjoy getting to know him more . I'm not sure if it's just the pressure that's ruining it a little for me. Either way I know I need to talk to him and I will. I think as I know that he has liked me for so long there is that added pressure and expectation plus the thought of him being heart broken if it doesn't work out!

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