Fell in Love with a Gal that makes bad decisions

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I'm just looking for a fresh perspective. I recently broke up with my girlfriend f 6 months and she is truly the love of my life but her priorities regarding partying truly affected the relationship. We had a pregnancy scare and throughout the month, she refused to see a doctor as she stated she knew she was not pregnant and proved it by showing me multiple negative pregnancy tests. She did, however, decide to continue drinking and smoking up until the point where she had her period and upon finding out she had her period, she shows up to my house with a 6 pack to celebrate her not being pregnant even though I was totally ready for it as I do not have kids. She had two amazing kids whom I love and adore, but her decision to not go see a doctor and wait until her period to prove to me she was not pregnant and only so show up with a 6 pack to celebrate, truly hurt. Did I over react? I checked with my doctor and she is in her early 40's and an amazing woman, but to continue to drink and smoke and refuse to see the doctor truly hurt me and made me feel as if her decision making and priorities were not in order, so I ended the relationship. Her partying with her friends was a bit too much, even though I'd go with her and always be included, she truly did not know when to stop and although she only got totally wasted once while I was there, it totally put a strain on the relationship as I feel that she has an alcohol dependency that causes her to make bad decisions and not focus on her priorities which I believe should be her kids and myself. Not saying at all she should not have friends, but the ritual of drinking every weekend is too much. Have I overreacted or handled things incorrectly? I know this is very high level but the fundamental issue is her drinking while I was thinking she was pregnant and to not see a doctor and continue to drink and smoke while she waited to confirm if she was pregnant truly was the tipping point for me.

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 364 • Replies: 7

[+3] - jespah - 06/21/2017If I didn't think I was pregnant, I wouldn't change my behavior, either. So it sounds as if you had a more firm belief in the possibility of a pregnancy than she did - and it's her body. So, kinda...

@gerryserrano,

If I didn't think I was pregnant, I wouldn't change my behavior, either. So it sounds as if you had a more firm belief in the possibility of a pregnancy than she did - and it's her body. So, kinda wishful thinking there on your part.

But I agree that her drinking is troubling; it's just that you're hanging it on a pregnancy issue rather than what it should really be, which is a threat to HER health, and not some hypothetical child's.

If you don't want to be with her, then don't. If you don't want to watch her potentially drink herself to death, then don't. But to only be concerned because you think she is pregnant would, at least to my mind, feel like your focus is more on a possible pregnancy than on her own life and health.

You dodged a bullet - but also recognize that the way you went about this was bass ackwards.

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@jespah,

Thank you for the perspective and response. It did help me to see that her health should have been my focus. I'm still struggling with the decision to break up as she is someone that I truly love but know that being in a relationship where alcohol is a priority, will only lead me down a path that I chose not to follow. I miss her and her kids, but I don't miss the heartache that her bad decisions culminating from alcohol caused. I wish she would change, but I can't control that. At least that's what I think.

Cheers,

Gerry

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@gerryserrano,

Don't beat yourself up too much. Personally I think you dodged a bullet. I'm sure you care a great deal about her, but she was taking taking risks that would involve you, but most importantly a possible baby. Thankfully she wasn't pregnant and her guess was correct. I'm going to take a wag here and guess the anxiety you felt while you waited ended sourly not because you wanted her to be pregnant but because she became so cavalier about the outcome. Showing up with a six-pack tells me she was celebrating because she hadn't been all that 100% absolutely sure. She wasn't absolutely sure but she took risks anyway. She's not a 16 year old after all. The most important thing you said is 'you don't miss the heartache her bad decisions caused'. I was in an abusive marriage for four years and got out by the skin of my teeth, and I sure as hell didn't miss the heartaches.

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@gerryserrano,

She is someone's mother? That's pretty sad. And proof that she may not stop partying even while pregnant someday and will not stop partying while parenting. Imagine her at the PTA!

Personally, I would run for the hills.

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@gerryserrano,

Yeah Gerry, she sounds like a mess. Partying and irresponsible at her age... you'd think that by the time she had children she'd have gotten that all out of her system. What kind of an example is she setting for them? You're absolutely right that you can't change someone else's behavior. Get away from her quick!

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Hey Guys,

Truly wanted to thank everyone for their candid responses. It's been really difficult to let go of the woman I truly love. Your support, guidance, and insight have really helped me out and to be honest, helped me to see that it's great to have forums like this where you can reach out to complete strangers and feel like they are here to provide assistance, guidance, and support through a very difficult time. You guys all rock. Thanks for everything.

Gerry

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@gerryserrano,

Good luck to you. Smile

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