Hello
I'm a bit confused about a friendship! I hope you can help me.. I kinda sorta - hate to type it - feel like I sound really needy or annoying.. cringe. I hope I haven't put him off or upset him
I'll get to the point of the story just now and follow it up with background info that may help.
Basically, I'd made a new friend last Aug, let's call him Joe. I do voluntary work once a week with an organization. He was supposed to be on a placement there for 1 month but instead stayed 4!
He's a fantastic guy, we got on like a house on fire and I have not laughed so much in the last 1.5yrs so it was great to be in his company.
I was sad to see him have to go, if I'm honest.
Since moving back home, he'd ask every once in a while if I planned any holidays near his or our mutual friends' places - my plans were always with my (now) X in mind, who lived in the opposite direction to these guys.
Quote:Background stuff:
I've been in a 3yr long distance relationship that has been slowly fading out, the irony being that he has been really 'distant' lately. I felt like I've been talking crap to him in hope he would latch on to a thread of conversation and, well.. join in. I decided to draw the line last month and end our relationship. I was finding myself worrying about him, or whether I'd said the wrong thing to him more often and my plans to move in with him are now unrealistic. I can see he wasn't happy, so I think it's only 'healthy' for us both to separate.
Now, although I get on with Joe really well, I don't look at him in
that way. He's a good looking guy but since I've been in a relationship it hadn't crossed my mind to look at him in a dating-sense.
He, himself told me he was using Tinder - I refer to the people he meets as 'Tinder Ladies', I think he's been on 2 dates in the time I've known him.
Once in a blue moon, he'd ask not how my relationship was going but "Are you still seeing 'X'?" - I thought it strange asking if I'm still seeing X, rather than asking how X is.. I'm probably reading too much into that, but I thought it was strange.
I would never think to ask Joe about his Tinder Ladies unless he asked about X. His last Tinder Lady, he said was marriage material but he broke it off because he says "I'm a di*k" - I thought HUH?! because he's such a nice/fun guy.. It turns out he flatly didn't fancy her. She was perfect, just not attractive to him. So I guess he thinks he was being vain there.
Joe told me his Mum was planning on visiting my hometown this summer and to BE PREPARED because he
might come along too. He also asked for my address - he's been to my house a few times with friends when he's been here.
That was cool and even if he didn't turn up, it'd be nice to say hi to his Mum if she calls into the shop I work at.
Meantime, things came to a head with X in May and Joe was really nice about it - I'd told him a few days later.
Here is where it goes a bit strange..
I was trying to ask when Joe's Mum was planning to visit so I could work out my own holiday plans so as not to miss her. He took an age to reply.. I'd actually prompted him myself as I was running out of time to ask work for time off.
When I booked my holidays, he went weirdly quiet. I asked if he fancied meeting up one of the days for lunch or something, but no response. Meantime, I'd made plans to catch up with one of the girls (mutual friend) on Sunday 18th. I'd mentioned this to Joe too but nothing..
Then in a whatsapp group chat, he asked "So, when it is you're away?" I'm like.. (in my head) "Uh.. you know
fiiinneeeee well!! ?!" but y'know.. just said "16th.." Our friend ..call her Emma said "We're meeting up in my hometown on the 18th!" Joe asked "Where's my invite??" I was a bit.. uh okay.. um..
So.. it sounds like Joe doesn't want to meet up with me alone! I kinda felt a bit weird about that.. but fair enough.
A few days later, I saw something silly online and sent the message to him as I thought he'd find it funny.. I felt like crap as he'd read the message but not replied until he messaged everyone in the group chat telling us that one of his friends was killed in an accident overseas. We all chatted a bit but I felt like I wanted to speak with him alone to see if he was okay. (I prefer one-on-one chats, especially when the topic is heavy going) I'd left it though.
Next morning I'd message to see if he was okay, he'd had a few drinks the night before so his head was banging.. We chatted a bit about nothing in particular.. just nonsense. I usually put an 'x' at the end of a message of comfort but having a weird feeling of not being sure where I stand with him, I left it out.
A couple of days later, I'd forwarded him a stupid (turned out to be really quite weird!) animation video, partly to say hey, partly to do something silly.. no reply.
Then the next day, I thought.. sod it .. and I'd asked if he was about for a Skype call some time this week - he hasn't seen the message. That's
really unusual of him.. he usually sees messages straight away.
I now have a deep.. yucky feeling that Joe might have muted our conversation so anything I write doesn't appear or something. I feel really queasy that I've annoyed him or something.. I'd rather if he just said "No, no time for a chat.." than nothing at all
I just wanted to chat about plans to visit and whether or not he'd fancy meeting up with myself and Emma and work out when was the best time/place to do so. It's easier talking instead of typing messages.
I've not told Emma about the situation because I don't know if it's all in my head or not! It's really embarrassing.
Quote:Background:
I'd met Sarah in April 2015 who worked at the organization I volunteered at. My Mum died suddenly in May 2015 and I ..kinda went right inside myself. I steered away from friends/family partly out of stress and grief and partly because I was so so very busy dealing with Mum's estate and not being sure if I was going to have to sell my house or not. I was terrified.
I continued volunteering to aid my sanity more than anything.
I'd met Emma through Sarah, Emma moved here Nov 2015 with her boyfriend. With my life having turned on it's head, I couldn't focus on seeing new people etc. Most of that time is a blur.
The day before I'd met Joe, I had just buried my 16yo dog - that was just the weirdest thing to deal with on my own and I could barely face people.
Sarah arranged for Emma to come around the next evening, and asked if I wanted to visit too. I needed to clear my head so went on a bike ride to Mum's grave and told them if I felt like I could cycle for a bit longer, I'd visit but not for dinner. The closer I got, I thought.. oh I'll call in because I'd remembered a new guy was visting so thought I'd do him the courtesy of saying hello. It turned out to have been a nice evening.
We've all had a great laugh for the next few months.
Sarah had been itching to leave work, maybe try Uni again and Emma broke up with her boyfriend.. both had applied for jobs away in their own home towns or further.. and well, both managed to get jobs and so, Joe moved away at the beginning of Dec, then Emma and Sarah left shortly after.
Now, here I am trying to settle into a life without these 3 guys and paranoid that I've ruined my friendship with Joe!
Sarah, Emma and Joe have all made me feel the most normal I'd felt since Mum died - they's been a breath of fresh air and I'm keen not to spoil the friendship, but I'm so deeply worried I may have done that already.
One thing is for certain, I've turned all paranoid in general and I really don't like that side to me
I just feel so stupid.
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