I dont love and want my husband

I live in hell. Im sure ill be ending up there when my time is over.
I dont love my husband any more. I even dont want to do anything about him. We are married for 17 years. About 6 years ago we stopped having sex. I was waiting for it to happened. There were so many reasons why he didn't want to have it. He blamed me for anything. For spending too much money, for being fat, for stress at work. I was raising children and was stay at home Mom. Until I said **** it, put my self together, met man, had unbelievable sex. Husband found out. Wanted to through me out of the house. Then realized that it was his fault. We talked that things will change and nothing happened again. Nothing. To make story short I have few Fbuddies. Physically im an heaven. Mentally im in hell. I told him we need to split. He said he will continue work thing out. I told him you made huge mistake letting me go to find sex somewhere else. To make things even worst I never had sex like that in my life. I am reborn and enjoy every second. I have high drive and it kills me. He doesnt want to deal with splitting assets and i cant live like that any more. And i am only 42. Just kill me please