Marriage Choices

Forums:
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I am in a situation with my husband, we have had many problems arguments, verbal abuse, anger and tensions etc
I have suggested to my husband we should seek help from a professional and really try and work on our marriage, he has agreed to do so on the basis that we buy a 4 bedroom house this year (bare in mind we already own a 2 bed flat)
He feels his anger and frustration is down to the worry of being ever able to afford a 4 bed property for our future.

My opinion on this is that we barely have a present therefore trying to plan for a future before working on the relationship doesn't make sense to me.

Please provide your thoughts

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 539 • Replies: 10
Topic Closed

@Dipika3479,

Waiting to invest in a house and tangle up your finances before seeking help with your marriage is a poor decision and is basically just avoidance behavior. Your getting marriage counseling is not dependent upon which kind of building you live in.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Sorry to sound silly, so your saying it doesn't make sense to move to a new home before seeking help with our marriage?

What is house prices are going up and may not be able to afford a home one would like for a family?

2 Replies

As it is in real estate, so it is in marriage: it's better to bite off more than you can chew.

0 Replies

@Dipika3479,

Í agree with jespah that it doesn't make sense to get more financially involved with someone when you are not sure you have a future with them.

If he is not willing to go to counselling with you, go on your own.

0 Replies

@Dipika3479,

Dipika3479 wrote:

What is house prices are going up and may not be able to afford a home one would like for a family?

and what if counselling reveals you are not in a relationship that it would be good to bring children into?

counselling first

0 Replies

He has agreed to do counselling however wants to do it in sync with buying a home. He wants to do it simultaneously, i cant get my head around how this even makes any sense?

1 Reply

@Dipika3479,

It doesn't make sense.

It sounds like he's trying to tie you down further with something tangible while promising to do something that he could back out of.

Maybe agree to a compromise. Say you will discuss a house purchase after completing six counselling sessions. Let him know you will not discuss a house purchase any further until counselling has started. Just don't talk to him about the house - change the topic to something different whenever he brings it up. Remind him that counselling has to happen first.

0 Replies

@Dipika3479,

I guess you should go for a new house because sometimes changing the place eliminates the issue and one feels different in the new environment. So I believe this will positively impact on your relationship.

0 Replies

@Dipika3479,

Then you have already made up your mind, so why ask us?

Spoiler Alert: housing prices will nearly always go up.

Second spoiler alert: if there are problems in your marriage, then buying a house and taking on mortgage debt is not going to solve them. If anything, it will make them worse, 'cause there's no argument like a money argument.

0 Replies

I ask because i don't understand whats the most logical thing to do.
So as an update he decided put on hold searching a house until we are strong as a couple, and agreed to counselling as long as i make the appointments etc.
We moved forward and even before i told him when i will be returning back to our flat he requested me to attend his mothers birthday dinner i explained to him i do not feel comfortable and would like to take things slowly. He didn't appreciate my feelings and has given me an ultimatum if i do not attend that will tell him everything he needs to know about our marriage. Why do men do this?

0 Replies

Forums
» Marriage Choices

Read Discussion
Reply to All

Marriage Choices

Quick Links

My Account

able2know