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Sat 20 May, 2017 09:12 pm
Hi all, I do so hope someone on here can help me.
My brother recently had a nasty breakup with his ex.
To cut a very long story short, he ended up getting arrested and charged with common assault battery. Luckily he didn't get send down, he isn't allowed to go anywhere near his ex for a year, or he faces prison.
Because of this, he's left all his belongings at the house and doesn't seem to want to find out how he'll get them back.
Also he's paying child maintenance to a child that's not his, a won't get a paternity test done.
His ex has drawn large amounts of money from their bank accounts, along with his inheritance without his permission and he doesn't try and find out if he can do her for theft.
Now, my sister wants us 3 siblings( there's four of us, including my brother) to go three ways on large items, such as a tv and sofa for my brother, as he cannot afford them.
Don't get me wrong, I've offered to help, but what I offer isn't good enough, it's got to be a 3 way thing, or nothing.
The sad fact that when my parents were alive, they kept bailing him out financially, he was fully aware that his ex was a theif, she went to prison for robbing my late father, but he stuck with her.
I rarely see any of my brothers and sisters, I message them and get no replies, unless they want something.
I always send gifts on Christmas and birthdays and to their kids and get no thank you and gave them all stuff for free in the past whenever they needed it.
I'm willing to help as much as I can, but not that very well financially myself as all my inheritance went on settling my debts.
I have a low paid job and recently remortgaged so get my own finances in order so I don't get into debt again, my siblings know this but are only interested in me helping to foot bill for these items.
I even asked roughly how much they think these items might be and was told, could be anything but not thousands, I can barely afford hundreds, yet alone thousands.
They've tried to guilt trip me, saying I'm fortunate that I have my own place, as my brother has absolutely F-all. But I've worked so hard for my place, forfeited holidays, worked all hours, drive a battered old car, got into debt, and only just out of, for my place. It desperately needs decorating, my fridge freezers on its way out too.
Like I said, I've offered some money to help, but it's not good enough and I'm now being labelled the bad guy, as , and I quote, "you've got no kids, you must be loaded".
I really don't what to do, shall I give them my savings, which will leave me with nothing or hold out with what I've offered?
I've reached the point that I no longer care if they disown me.
I have never asked them or my parents for help and have always helped them out by giving away stuff in the past, whenever they needed it.
I don't ask for anything in return, but they're never grateful.
I feel like I cash cow....
Thanking you in advance,
Saoirse.
@Saoirse24,
P.s forgot to say, the money won't be a loan, so won't get whatever the amount will be back, and so sorry if it sounds too moaning, I really didn't mean it to be. Thanks. xxx
Don't hand over a dime. I was going to write a load more, but that's my message in a nutshell.
@Saoirse24,
Quote:I rarely see any of my brothers and sisters, I message them and get no replies, unless they want something
That would seem that they only care about your money and don't care anything about you.
Quote:I've worked so hard for my place, forfeited holidays, worked all hours, drive a battered old car, got into debt, and only just out of, for my place. It desperately needs decorating, my fridge freezers on its way out too.
It seems that you put in all the hard work and sacrifices. Yet you are not allowing you to take care of you.
Quote:Like I said, I've offered some money to help, but it's not good enough and I'm now being labelled the bad guy, as , and I quote, "you've got no kids, you must be loaded".
If what you offer isn't good enough, don't give them anything. Based on what I read in your post, you are clearly
not loaded. One other thing. You are not made of money.
Quote:
I really don't what to do, shall I give them my savings, which will leave me with nothing
I can answer this question with two questions. Are they the ones who worked for that money? Are they the ones who made all of the sacrifices to build up
your savings account? I'm going to take a guest and say the answer to both questions is probably no.
Quote:they're never grateful.
At least you are aware of the obvious.
Seems to me the thread starter does not want to pay the money demanded, and has posted on here to see if other people agree. Well, I certainly do. The brother's foolishness (or worse) has caused him to be where he is, and there is no guarantee this money would do anything other than tide him over until the next disaster. Furthermore, it would send him a signal that whatever he does he can hold his hand out for money to get him out of any fix he has caused. This is probably what helped get him where he is now. Don't pay anything. No. No. No. You would be impoverishing yourself for no good reason.
@Saoirse24,
You're not responsible for any of them. They are grownups and can clean up their own messes.
Hi all,
Thank you so very much for the advice, help and kind words.
On writing the post I was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.
My sister had successfully quilt tripped me and I was torn.
She has recently messaged me and I've stuck to my guns, take what I can offer or nothing.
If they want to get pissed with me and exclude me, well that's fine too, at least I'll save some money.
I've since heard nothing, from anyone so, that's up to them.
The strange thing is, I've not heard a peep from my brother and have also decided if he wants something from me, then he should bloody well ask me himself and not have someone else do it, after all, he's 47 years old.....a grown man!
Once again, thank you all so very much, you are all stars.
Much love to you all, Saoirse. xxxxxx
@Saoirse24,
Saoirse24 wrote:
My brother recently had a nasty breakup with his ex.
To cut a very long story short, he ended up getting arrested and charged with common assault battery. Luckily he didn't get send down, he isn't allowed to go anywhere near his ex for a year, or he faces prison.
Because of this, he's left all his belongings at the house and doesn't seem to want to find out how he'll get them back.
Also he's paying child maintenance to a child that's not his, a won't get a paternity test done.
His ex has drawn large amounts of money from their bank accounts, along with his inheritance without his permission and he doesn't try and find out if he can do her for theft.
none of this has anything to do with yo
__
enjoy your life without the leeches who seem to be trying to attach themselves to you
enjoy your life with your friends
___
I know several people who have disconnected from their birth families and they all - really, all - are happier for that. We don't choose our families, but we can choose whether they have a place in our lives.
@ehBeth,
Hi ehBeth, your are so right.
So much more has happened, whilst we were sorting out my late fathers estate a couple of years ago. Mum passed away 18 years ago.
It's a long story, but they were awful to me, really awful and I walked away with virtually nothing, only what papa put in his will.
They wouldn't let me have any family photos or trinkets.
After that I distanced myself from them, only seeing them in small doses, this demand for money is the final straw!
I would hate to see them hurt, but no longer love them.
My partners family are lovely, so in the grand scheme of things, I kind of still have 'A family' just not my scrounging lot.
xxxxxx
@Real Music,
Hi Real Music.
Yes sadly I am, they all changed after papa died......xxxx
@centrox,
Hi centrox,
I really didn't mind offering something, I know plenty of people with stuff to give away, for a small price.
But to pay a third for a brand new tv and sofa......I don't think so.
My sister made me feel so guilty at the time.....using papa to try to get to me.
I'm holding out, my offer or F-all. xxxxxx
@jespah,
You are right, I shall Redmond them of that, if I ever hear from them.....think they a little pissed off with me....Ah well, Shite happens.
@jespah,
You are right, I shall Remind them of that, if I ever hear from them.....think they a little pissed off with me....Ah well, Shite happens.
@Saoirse24,
47! Yikes.
I thought you were going to say he was in his early 20's and deserved a little sympathy.
Not only should YOU not help him out, THEY shouldn't either. This guy needs to solve this by himself.
Who is leading up this "rescue" team, anyway? Let that person do what he/she wants, but leave you out of it.
You were generous to offer anything. Take care of yourself.
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:Who is leading up this "rescue" team, anyway? Let that person do what he/she wants, but leave you out of it.
How do we even know all the money will get to the brother? Some could be kept by the other family members. If any of my family said to me "Pay up. You don't have kids, you must be loaded" that would be IT. Bye bye.
@PUNKEY,
Hi PUNKEY,
He's definitely 47, 48 in July and by now you'd think he'd learned some life lessons by now.
It's my sister heading up the "rescue" team and by the way she was talking, she wanted me to dib into any savings I had left.
I've still not heard from anyone since writing my first post, so the longer they stay silent and this includes my brother, the more I am going to retract my first offer.
I'm not a mushroom, but I'm being kept in the dark and fed bullcrap!!!
@centrox,
Hi centrox,
Funny you should say that about, will my brother definitely get the money, my partner said the very same thing.
The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get that they had the audacity to try and tap me for the money in the first place.
They all tell me absolutely bugger all, I'm reading between the lines he's found an apartment, nobody has actually said, " Hi Saoirse, Danny's got a place, we're collecting stuff, got anything to donate?"
Sod em, they are all toxic, and I don't need toxic people in my life, family or other wise.
Just feel sorry for ( I know they're passed on), Mama and Papa, this is the last thing they'd want, the family splitting. And I bet they're disgusted with the others, they always taught us all....."You make a mistake, learn from it and don't do it again" and they always taught us.....Good values in life, word hard and don't expect handouts.
Lord only knows, where the others went wrong.
Retract your first offer. Don't hand over a penny. You can help in other ways. There are charities to help people moving into a home with no furniture or things, you can get TVs, fridges, cookers, beds, all that. Like I said, they tap you for money for new things, he might get a lot of old junk. Ask yourself, would they do the same for you?
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