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Sun 30 Apr, 2017 09:32 am
Not sure what to think about my wife. Not sure what she's doing.
We've been married going on 3 yrs now, together 5. For over a year
now she's always been accusing me of doing stuff with other women or
wanting other women. Yeah I messed up, I acted in ways that are
suspect. Most times she found out on her own soon after, sometimes
not til many months later. But she isn't helping when she keeps
prodding and questioning me like I'm under interrogation, and never
letting anything go. I also wonder if she's going around on me, given
some stuff I've found. What do you think?
It started 1-2 years ago when I gave her my phone to use for the
weekend and she found conversations I'd had with our friend's online
friend. Okay I get flirty sometimes, I'm not gonna lie. (I never met
the online chick, as she lives on the other side of the United States)
Soon after she started dressing up more, taking glamour shots type
pics and posting them on those selfie Facebook groups and picture rate
sites. Did I also mention she was 9 months pregnant taking these
sultry pics? Many months later, she became unhappy with me and
started accusing me of sleeping around on her. After that, she would
spend a lot more alone time on her cell phone and on Facebook always
seemed to be getting messages from a much younger man Paul. A few
months after that, Paul himself actually messaged me telling me that
my wife was a ho because she was always hitting on him, and for me to
tell her to leave him alone. When I asked her if she ever cheated on
me with Paul or met him, she would change her story. Around that time
she started dressing up a lot better for work and coming home from
work later than usual. Could be due to the extra workload she had
(she's a teacher). But not sure. Since then, the following
suspicious behaviors have occurred:
- She's visited the same porn webcam and hookup sites that I used to
go on, then falsely accused me of having accounts on them when I don't
anymore.
- Following a fight we had about aforementioned hookup sites, she
stormed out. Later she admitted that when she went out, she ran
errands but also stopped by a strip club I've gone to before, ran in
and quick flashed her breasts at a man our age before management
kicked her out.
- She tried to lure me by pretending to be a girl online interested in
meeting up with me.
- She left an empty box of condoms in the glove compartment of our
car, placed next to the box of unused condoms I bought last year that
she'd found elsewhere in the same car.
- When we had a fight above the above 3 points, I told her that even
my friend Joe thinks she's crazy at which point she proceeded to tell
me that Joe must not think she's all that crazy if he slept with her 2
days earlier.
- When I confronted Joe, he told me no, she's not even his type.
- In counseling, she's told the therapist in front of me how she's
driven past a swingers club, or wants to go, or has gone without
me...story keep changing...basically she's thrown up the name of a
swingers club at me when she's mad or when we're discussing topics
related to working through infidelity.
- By the way, I've never been to a swinger's club in my life.
Should I be suspicious? Do you think she's doing anything adulterous or just
trying to be obnoxious? Do you think counseling will help both of us
to see eye to eye?
I didn't have to read most of your post.
You messed up earlier and so your wife continues to be kind of suspicious. Have you done anything to try to regain her trust? Any couples counseling, perhaps? Because a quick "I'm sorry" won't cut it like changing your behavior will.
Is she doing anything? I have no idea. But you need to figure out if you want to work on your marriage or not. And if you don't, then there is no reason to stay and figure out if she is doing anything.
@jespah,
I want to work on our marriage!
Yes, we've been in counseling. I agreed to go to couples therapy when my wife told me we must! Last year when my wife first found out I was flirting online with girls, she spent an entire day and a half locating a couples therapist that would accept our insurance and see us prior to her pregnancy due date. We went to two different counselors a few times but stopped when she had the baby, since she was recovering from childbirth and now had a newborn who we didn't feel comfortable taking outside the house yet. I screwed up a few weeks later, started looking to stray and feeling the desire for another woman. I couldn't deal with all the stress of a new baby and not being able to have sex for 6 weeks. She didn't start suspecting anything until 4 months later. At that time we went back to counseling with the same 2 counselors as before. I've been a more attentive husband, helping out more with housework at home, paying for some of the bills now, and I even changed my work shift so we don't have to pay so much for childcare, since she was complaining about spending 80% of her paycheck on childcare. I don't claim to be perfect, and I know I still don't have the urges of a single man fully out of my system yet, but I'm trying.
@Minecraft327,
Keep on with the counselling.
Are there any support groups for fathers in your area? not for custodial dads, there are groups for men who need help learning to deal with the realities of parenting. Find a group and go.
@Minecraft327,
Minecraft327 wrote:I couldn't deal with all the stress of a new baby and not being able to have sex for 6 weeks.
I hope you're working on this.
@Minecraft327,
Minecraft327 wrote:h I've been a more attentive husband, helping out more with housework at home, paying for some of the bills now, and I even changed my work shift so we don't have to pay so much for childcare, since she was complaining about spending 80% of her paycheck on childcare.
1. helping with housework? housework is as much your responsibility as your wife's
2. paying for some of the bills now? what? 'weren't you doing that before?
3. her paycheque was going toward childcare but yours wasn't?
________
more counselling. for you alone and for you as part of a couple.
@Minecraft327,
Use birth control so you don't have more children.
From reading your post it sounds like you guys really don't like each other. Is there a reason you both continue to behave like this? Why are you even still together?
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