Stealthing

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TAMPA --- A disturbing new bedroom trend involves men secretly taking off their condoms during consensual sex, and sometimes later bragging about it online.

The nonconsensual practice, which is called "stealthing," is on the rise, according to a new report in Columbia Journal of Gender and Law.

Lead author Alexandra Brodsky said while the law is largely silent on the practice of "stealthing," she believes it should be considered a form of sexual assault and could violate several civil and criminal laws.

In the report, Brodsky profiles a doctoral student named Rebecca who works for a local rape crisis hotline. Rebecca, who was the victim of stealthing as a freshman, said she hears about stealthing from students and says many callers start with, ‘I’m not sure this is rape, but…’

Kathleen Kempke, with the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay, says she's aware of the trend.

“I have had other cases that I've been very similar to this,” said Kempke.

As far as the crisis center is concerned, a person who feels violated is a victim, she said.

“And they deserve the same kind of services and support that a victim that is raped by a stranger or a raped by an acquaintance would get,” said Kempke.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/04/26/disturbing-sex-trend-called-stealthing-rise/100921352/

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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 4,505 • Replies: 14

@edgarblythe,

There are stories of women lying about being on birth control. This is a story of men lying about using birth control.

Should this be treated the same?

4 Replies

@maxdancona,

Leave it to max to to change the subject immediately.

1 Reply

@edgarblythe,

It is not a change in subject. If lying about using birth control is rape, then it should apply equally whether the perpetrator is a man or a woman.

Equality means that men and women should have the same expectations and responsibilities. If you invent new rules that apply to one gender, but not the other, this isn't equality.

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@edgarblythe,

The problem here is the clear double standard. There is a trend to continually expand the definition of rape, and there is always the implicit gender stereotype that men are responsible no matter what happens.

This article is no different; a man lying about using birth control is a rapist, a woman lying about using birth control is not.

This is similar to the issue of drunk sex on campus where men are considered to be the responsible party (and the rapist) no matter whether he, or his female partner, or both of them, are drunk.

The rules and the responsibility around consensual sex should be applied equally to men and to women. In this article, they aren't.

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]

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

There are stories of women lying about being on birth control. This is a story of men lying about using birth control.

Should this be treated the same?

I'll bite. If the woman claims that she is on birth control but isn't than I suppose if she gets pregnant than that might help the prospective father in terms of his rights to not support the child.

1. But the problem there is birth control ISN'T a 100% accurate preventive of pregnancies.
2. How are you going to prove it? You can do blood tests to see if she has been off for months. But what if she misses a month. The meds are still going to be in there at trace amounts.
3. And finally, it's not the same as rape. When the transgressor takes off the condom, he's exposing the woman not only to possible pregnancy but a multitude of STDs which only condoms can prevent in the first place (making birth control pills a moot topic).

3 Replies

@tsarstepan,

The issue I am raising is the implicit double standard; where rapists are always men and victims are always women. I am not sure if the arguing over the details is important (although I will point out that condoms aren't guarantee against STDs either, and proving that a man intentionally removed a condom is just as difficult).

The double standard hurts the most for male victims of rape. There are far more male victims of both male and female perpetrators than most people think (as shown by peer reviewed research).

Male victims of sexual assault aren't taken seriously because of gender stereotypes. These stories show the double standard, but stories of the isolation and lack of support felt by male victims of sexual assault show the real harm. Edgar should understand that I will always object to these cliched stories that chronicle stereotypical male sexual transgression.

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@tsarstepan,

tsarstepan wrote:

I'll bite. If the woman claims that she is on birth control but isn't than I suppose if she gets pregnant than that might help the prospective father in terms of his rights to not support the child.

If we were betting, I would bet that would make no difference is support requirements.

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@edgarblythe,

I guess they're assuming the women have no STD's.

Potential to be arrested and potential to get sick. Stupid and stupid. These guys really are in it for the win.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

I guess they're assuming the women have no STD's.

Potential to be arrested and potential to get sick. Stupid and stupid. These guys really are in it for the win.

I am not sure if Edgar meant this to be such a blatant male bashing thread... But that is very nice EhBeth. If the sexual behavior of group of women were shamed in this way...

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

There are stories of women lying about being on birth control. This is a story of men lying about using birth control.

Should this be treated the same?

Max you asked a fair question, not sure why it would get voted down.

This whole thing is getting silly, absurd and out of hand.

WAY to many ways this could be abused. She could claim she asked him to use a condom but actually insisted he didn't.

Claiming one thing like this how can it be proven? And don't even suggest that one should be taken 100% truthful while the other needs to plead "his" innocence.

This is getting so silly what's next? Having a lawyer present during every sexual encounter to be a legal witness to consensual sex?

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

There are stories of women lying about being on birth control. This is a story of men lying about using birth control.

Should this be treated the same?

I don't think it's rape.

But what he does is worse, because whereas she could only get them pregnant with her lies, he could end up giving her an STD through his lies.

It's sleazy either way.

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@tsarstepan,

tsarstepan wrote:

When the transgressor takes off the condom, he's exposing the woman not only to possible pregnancy but a multitude of STDs which only condoms can prevent in the first place (making birth control pills a moot topic).

yup

this can lead to some pretty significant jail time in Canada

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hiv-killer-ruled-dangerous-offender-1.927621

https://www.thestar.com/news/ontario/2008/04/04/man_who_knowingly_spread_hiv_gets_18_years.html

http://www.catie.ca/en/hiv-canada/4/4-1/4-1-2

Quote:

Criminal charges have been laid in Canada against people living with HIV because their behaviour posed a real or perceived risk for transmitting HIV, or the person’s positive status was considered a factor aggravating the seriousness of other charges.

By the end of 2015 more than 170 people who allegedly failed to disclose their HIV status had been charged with criminal offences in Canada.

Some people with HIV have been convicted of serious criminal offences and sentenced to significant time in prison for failing to disclose their HIV status before engaging in risky behaviours.

People have been charged and convicted of various crimes, including assault, common nuisance, criminal negligence causing bodily harm, murder and attempted murder, and uttering threats.

and again, how do these guys know the women don't have STD's? it's really quite stupid all the way round

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

At least in this case the rule is fair-- women have the same responsibility as men. Women have been charged with spreading HIV to men.

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/City-woman-charged-for-spreading-HIV-157512255.html

The issue is equality... men and woman should have equal responsibility for their sexual behavior. It is interesting that although there are male and female perpetrators of this crime the examples that EhBeth chose were male. The facts are clear in this case, women have been the perpetrators of sexual assault just as men have.

0 Replies

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