Unusual crush and mixed signals

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Hi everyone, I have an understanding problem about my crush whom I love very much. I am confused and it really does hurt me

She is different than other girls, we've hung out for a year and sometimes I have a feeling that I don't even know her.

If I told you the whole backstory you would all be very very confused, on one hand you'd think that we should already be a couple, on the other hand you'd think that its just a friendship.

I want to keep her interested and I'm running out of ideas because she's not showing any signs. She likes sleeping or just laying most of the time, she kinda hates school, likes weed etc, her social life is limited to her girl-friends and is not interested in nothing "not fun" related.

About mixed signals, she has 2 sides:
1st side:
She said that she doesn't wanna rush with relationships because she's too young (17) and I'm 20.

2nd side:
She is generally not interested into guys, she prefers being at home but is interested in me, how do I know?
- we text a lot
- we went out multiple times (her requests mostly)
- she said that she likes my pics and has mentioned that would like to have one (not-nude) pic of me.

I would really like to take things further but I'm not getting anything from her and I don't want to lose her in meaning of a potential girlfriend.

Please help me.
If anyone has experience and would like to have a chat I would love to talk to someone about it.

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@Jake720,

Quit stalling and ask her out.

Be prepared for her to say no. I get the feeling she is stringing you along but you won't know for sure until you ask her out. Quit crushing. Start asking.

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@Jake720,

She 17; likes sleeping, laying around, and weed; hates school; and has shown no interest in dating you.

Sounds like a winner to me, you should definitely continue to burn (no pun intended) time on this girl.

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Some reason you are interested in a girl (17, hmm) who has no apparent brain interests?

" She likes sleeping or just laying most of the time, she kinda hates school, likes weed etc, her social life is limited to her girl-friends and is not interested in nothing "not fun" related."

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@jespah
We went out multiple times already. I'm asking you guys now how to process these mixed signals to advance in this relationship.

@tibbleinparadise
Don't be sarcastic, I'm not burning my time with her because I'm otherwise not attracted to any other girl since I know her.

@ossobucotemp
Because she is special and no I'm not another lost soul in love. I've had a lot of crushes before but none can compare to her, I am not sexually attracted to her and my intentions are NOT sexual.
Since I know I haven't been attracted to any other girl (for a year).
If you wish to know more, pm me, I have a lot to say.

2 Replies

@Jake720,

Actually, no. You've hung out as friends. Unless you make it crystal clear that you intend one of those meetings to be a date, then she is not going to be able to figure it out.

"Hi, ___(insert her name here)! Want to go to the movies (or the café or whatever you like) this weekend? And can we make it a real date?"

There's your script. ^

Personally, if a guy treated me a few times and didn't make a move and we just had a few laughs, etc., I would absolutely think of him as a friend and not as boyfriend material.

1 Reply

@jespah,

@jespah
I see where you're pointing at, I always thought that she was attracted to me, latest clue went something like this;

I had a profile photo on Instagram which I took after gym and it looked okay, but I took it down after a little while because it seemed inapropriate. Part of the chat:
HER: "Why'd you take off the photo on Instagram?"
ME: "It seemed inapropriate to me after a while"
HER: "I liked it"
ME: "Well then I guess my goal is complete"
HER: "Hahah then send it to me and it really will be complete"
and I sent it to her.

My question is:
How to advance in such relationship if she's giving me no clear signs? or does in her own way
Please know that she is not shy, I'm often surprized by the way she thinks and talks (cursing sometimes, weed/alcohol involvement, hatred towards school and responsibility etc) - those are just examples, I don't care for all that because I love her for every positive thing I saw in her.

1 Reply

@Jake720,

Jake720 wrote:

I am not sexually attracted to her and my intentions are NOT sexual.

not interested in her sexually?

it seems you define crush a bit differently to how I've seen it used

__

soooo you just want to be friends?

0 Replies

@Jake720,

Jake720 wrote:

I would really like to take things further[/U] but I'm not getting anything from her and I don't want to lose her in meaning of a potential girlfriend.

you want her to be your girlfriend but you're not interested in her sexually?

best to leave her alone so she can find someone who is interested in her sexually

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

@ehBeth
Okay just to be clear, my primary interest is love. I didn't say that she isn't physically attractive, quite the opposite she is but I don't intend to rush this because,
1.)of her age
2.)I never had sex and I don't know how to proceed in this area, I don't want to engage first here because I'd come out as a perv or someone who's just horny
3.)we didn't even pass the first barrier yet.

Take this serious please, I'm 20 and at my full sexual potential, I just expressed my feelings and currently its 1:0 for love vs. sex appeal.

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@Jake720,

Jake720 wrote:

Hi everyone, I have an understanding problem about my crush whom I love very much. I am confused and it really does hurt me

She is different than other girls, we've hung out for a year and sometimes I have a feeling that I don't even know her.

If I told you the whole backstory you would all be very very confused, on one hand you'd think that we should already be a couple, on the other hand you'd think that its just a friendship.

I want to keep her interested and I'm running out of ideas because she's not showing any signs. She likes sleeping or just laying most of the time, she kinda hates school, likes weed etc, her social life is limited to her girl-friends and is not interested in nothing "not fun" related.

About mixed signals, she has 2 sides:
1st side:
She said that she doesn't wanna rush with relationships because she's too young (17) and I'm 20.

2nd side:
She is generally not interested into guys, she prefers being at home but is interested in me, how do I know?
- we text a lot
- we went out multiple times (her requests mostly)
- she said that she likes my pics and has mentioned that would like to have one (not-nude) pic of me.

I would really like to take things further but I'm not getting anything from her and I don't want to lose her in meaning of a potential girlfriend.

Please help me.
If anyone has experience and would like to have a chat I would love to talk to someone about it.

Your first problem is you waited a year too long to be romantic with her.

So far all your behavior is geared towards being her friend, not a boyfriend.

0 Replies

@Jake720,

Who the hell cares about clear signs?

Here's the thing. She is a person, not the Zapruder film.

You ask her out. You take a goddamned chance.

She says yes - great!
She says maybe - eh, not horrible.
She says no - then at least you know.

You are stuck in limbo and you are making excuses for not just coming out and asking her out instead of retreating back into the year you've already invested in hanging out.

Oh, and by the way, this crush isn't unusual at all. We see this all the time here. I swear, everyone wants a sign from heaven to come down and tell them to take a romantic chance in life.

Here's a sign, if you prefer a visual.

http://images.amcnetworks.com/bbcamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/montypyhton.jpg

1 Reply

@jespah,

I don't know how to respond to that...yes she's a person - who dislikes romance, social life and doesn't care about nothing really in general unless it interests her in terms of entertainment, I am not arguing here.

Her personality is a mystery to me and I know she'll probably end up working in a local market with such attitude towards school and life...

Moving on, I have no experience in dating so can you please tell me what would you expect me to do if I took you out on a date, keep in mind that romance isn't her game. She is a talker and I am not, unless asked I rather keep my mouth shut.

Her birthday is in 10 days, I'm getting her little something but I want her to know that I intend to be more than a friend, help me out.

1 Reply

@Jake720,

I'm not so sure I can give you too much advice on how to act on a date. But it's a lot like hanging out, except that there is an expectation of some form of romance. I don't mean hearts and flowers so much as hand holding, a kiss, etc.

If you went to dinner with her, say, five weeks ago, it was to hang out and it wasn't awkward and you talked about whatever, right? Same thing now, except you hold her hand.

Making a move is hard and I do acknowledge that. But someone has to. And you're elected, because you know this is what you want and you want to make a change in the status quo ante.

You can do this.

0 Replies

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