Senior Prom date canceled a couple of weeks before Prom

Maybe he got in trouble and is leaving out the messy details to preserve his nice guy image with you guys.

Or maybe he agreed to go with your daughter because he felt like he should and has decided he doesn't want to go. Since he's at another school, he has a lot of options open to him and (in his mind) he may have found a girl that doesn't have childhood friend status attached to her.

I'm surprised they would even let a non-student attend, our high schools here do not allow students from other schools to attend.

It is common for non-students to attend and I have never heard of a prom where you couldn't invite whomever you wanted. Many kids do not date kids from their school so it would seem odd to me that would be just kids from the school that can attend.

I doubt it is the childhood thing as he was bragging to another boy to leave his prom date alone. He seemed proud that she was going to be his date for prom.

I do believe him simply because I know his parents. To be honest we were not surprised that the parents said he couldn't go. We were actually surprised that they allowed him to go in the first place.

Although I could see his parents using an excuse like his grades went down to say he couldn't go.

We have also known the family since my daughter was in kindergarten. They do not allow their children to do anything that is outside the church or school - but only for school academics, band, or sport (and then only a sport that would not require to be there on a Sunday).

Their oldest child held an alternative prom at the church since she wasn't able to go to hers. The alternative was no dates-everyone came as single, you could dress up or down, dinner was cooked (by the mom), there was not any dancing - there was a variety of games and the dinner did look awesome. The kids did have fun.

Then I'm confused exactly where the issue is? You certainly have my sympathy about the nuisance as well as the let-down. It would seem to me the boy should reimburse your daughter for the expenses...at least for the tickets. He should've indicated to her that the prom attending has to clear his parents approval FIRST before she went to any expense.

The thing is the parents have known about this for about a month already. Everyone knew about it pretty much in their circle of friends.

I would have at least expected from them to say No at the beginning of this not after we bought the tickets for prom and bought her dress. It is more the timing of the No, rather than the No itself.

I think, from here, if the parents knew about the prom all that time before the NO, that the boy is suffering enough. I get it your daughter certainly suffers with it too, and could understand his at least paying for the tickets could be a good idea since he may have been wary early on how his parents would take it. Hmm. Is it clear the parents knew he had said yes to the prom?

I cannot say for 100% that they knew he said yes and was planning on going, however, all the kids were talking about it at the previous youth groups and his parents are very involved with youth group - not to mention his siblings are all part of it.

It just seems very far-fetched that they wouldn't know about.

I feel for the boy definitely. And it is highly likely my daughter will be able to get a friend to go with her, so other than it being a huge let down for her - she was so excited about going with him and he seemed excited about it as well.

I want to berate the parents, but I won't and as much as I want to demand them to pay for the tickets, I won't.

I told my daughter I would punch the parents' in the face but it wasn't socially acceptable to do that.

Hate to say this, but maybe the young man has fallen madly in love with a girl he met since he made the prom date.

Honesty would dictate that he still go to the prom with your daughter, but if the reality is the young guy and his new girl are on the phone together every minute that they are not together in person, honesty tends to go out the window.

As I stated this is highly unlikely - unless it happened within a week.

But even with that - knowing him and his family for 13 years - it is more the parents. Also if the girl thing were to be true - she would find out - they are a close knit group of friends.

In the past this actually happen - not the way of the prom, but they were an item a few years ago and another girl came into the picture. He let my daughter know. They maintained a friendship (as they have several friends in common), but in the past year he has been pursuing her again. So she thought of asking him to prom this year.

I just can't picture him not telling her if there was another girl - he did not have an issue before and knowing his parents it is more likely they would say no.

I agree with you all the way.

My guess about the parents is they don't want him dating at all.

That is my take as well. When they were an item before - they didn't really go on a date. They met at youth group and often times when gathering together as a group of friends so it wasn't really dating.

He told her he wanted to wait until he could take her on a proper date - i.e. have his license and take her out more officially.

Personally (and I know this might be mean-but I am no where as nice as my daughter) - I kind of don't like this boy - to me he should grow some b*lls and tell his parents sorry but I am going - now granted who knows what sort of conversation went on behind close doors. He doesn't seem strong enough.

I can only say this...and plug in my experience as a teen with (somewhat parallel) dating issues. It takes just such a situation and these sort of dynamics to LEARN just how and when to assert yourself. It such scenarios that may teach a child how and when you have to stand up to your parent/authority figure. Such decisions can be pivotal in a child's growth.

FWIW, with my situation, I defied my parents (silently) and took my g/f to her prom, regardless of their lack of blessings or their permission. Though in my case, I had my own car and self-insured.

Furthermore, seeing how involved those parents are with the church group and their son's business, the timing is verrrry suspect. Shame on them for their part in that and the burden on you and your daughter.

Good thing it is just high school - she will still have a good time. She set up one her high school girl friends with a boy she is friends with along with this other boy she was supposed to go to prom with and they were all going to attend together.

So this boy will instead sit at home, while he views pictures of my daughter and his friends at the prom.

And in the fall she will be leaving and going out of state to college where she will make new friends and maybe meet another nice boy (but maybe one that is a little stronger)

I had very careful parents, especially my mother, both irish catholic, but from different US coasts, mother from Boston (Watertown). My grammar school nuns (Chicago area) set up a dance for the 7th graders and, the next year, the same for eighth grade. Hmm, they set up square dancing classes too.. maybe that was for 6th grade, some bit of gradual social learning for us. Nothing horrible happened that I knew about, and that was a gossipy class.

Thing is, sometimes all the complete strictness can blow up in a family's face sometime later. I'm sure you know that, you sound nice and sane, but those parents don't, or are very fearful about it.

My high school proms (Los Angeles) went fine, my dad drove; plenty of parents around the scene.

I feel really bad for this boy. I hope this doesn't prove to mar their relationship.

Adds, re differences in parents, my dad set me up for the senior prom. I went to a smallish girl's school. For Junior prom, I asked a guy at work (the hospital), and my mother made dinner for us and my friend and her dad. He was dating at senior prom time and my father asked a business friend about his son going with me. Boy, was he cute/handsome/nice. He lived across the city, so we never did date, but it was a fun prom.

As I said my daughter is much nicer than me. She is/will be disappointed but she wouldn't take it out on him.

Furthermore, all of this talk jogged my ancient memories:

Back to my Senior Prom: I attended it but in sideways sort of way. A good female friend of mine wasn't allowed to date this friend of mine as he was Catholic and she was Jewish. I agreed to go (in his place) to her house, and acted as his 'beard'.

I took her to her (and my) Prom. When we got to the Prom, we switched and I was then there solo or stag. Not the worst evening but no one to dance with...so Got out early as I could.

The next year, I was in a different city and different high school (after my mom's passing). I knew noone to ask as I was considered an outsider. I was just glad to get out of there and get into college the next year.

I recall now the year I went to a prom officially was my freshman year of college attending my g/f's senior prom. That was the year I had previously mentioned where I went without letting my parents knowledge of my going to a prom. Not an easy task. I stayed out all night, explaining my whereabouts afterwards.

This is fun and not even totally off topic..

That guy my father fixed me up with was, gasp, only a junior, which I remember being slightly embarrassed about (I was an idiot), but forgot about at the actual prom.

Years later, I can say I've enjoyed the pleasure of love and/or good friendship with plenty of younger men.

What fun memories and stories. My daughter has friends that their dates and boyfriends are a year younger than them and will be attending with juniors ..no one seems to bat an eye.

Tough day overall. Her team lost their first game ...ugly game with many errors including my daughter. She rarely makes errors ... her freshman year she was a starter on varsity and did not make one error the entire season. Today she had two.

I told her tough day today. I said the one positive is tomorrow will be a better day. Even her sister commented these parents are idiots. I said yep sometimes there is no other way to describe it.

But she already has another date. And this mom absolutely loves my daughter ... the mom is already planning things. This boy is a great friend and they are best buddies. I told her the other boy is going to be so upset when he sees pictures.

As much as I said I don't like the fact he didn't stand up for himself...seeing pix you know will be posted and realizing he could have been the boy with her, having a good time and so forth will likely hurt him very much. Thinking about that I can't imagine what is going through his parents' head.