Abusive husband brings out the worst in me..

Okay, so, I'm used to people slagging me off left right and centre for my behaviour and how it's wrong, and I know it is.. but the back story..

I have been with my husband now for 8 years, and married for almost 3 years. We have a 6 week old baby together after a surprise pregnancy last year. My husband has always been explosive, and had a temper. I put up with it because I was 16 when we first met and it seemed 'normal' and it wasn't that bad or particularly aimed at me.

At the beginning of 2015, this changed, when his anger became directed to me. Comments at first, belittling my family and friends, blaming me for everything bad that happened in his life, throwing things at me in fits of rage, intense bouts of extreme jealousy over my new job and even hit me a few times. By the end of 2015, I had ended up sleeping with somebody else on a night out, and then repeating this behaviour on a downward spiral of depression. During this dark time, my self esteem was so low, and I felt very empty in myself and my relationship. I had slept with many people, and felt guilty for it each and every time, which only deepened my depression, making me feel worse about myself.

I came out in June 2016 and admitted everything to my husband so that we could try and work through our problems, and I could seek medical help for my depression. He forgave me and we wiped the slate clean, and within a month I was pregnant with our first baby.

During my depression, I had met one particular guy - the others meant nothing. He had helped me through everything, it wasn't particularly sexual although our relationship had a sexual element. After my husband and I reconciled, I maintained a friendship with this guy, but we didn't have the sexual element. He remained by my side throughout the pregnancy, checking in on me, and my feelings for him have grown in these months, however I kept these repressed for the sake of my family and my reconciled relationship.

Since the baby has been born, however, my husband has been back to his old habits. Extreme jealousy, checking up on me, making me feel bad about every single thing I do, intense tempers, throwing things at me and he almost hit me the other day and stopped himself. All in front of our baby. It was all too much for me, I started smoking again, stressed with everything and ended up round at the other guy's house, and well.. things progressed. Only this time, the guilt was not there.

About the other guy - he does not know I reconciled with the husband (bad I know but we only had a friendship after the reconciliation). I have developed really intense feelings for him. He has told me that he has commitment issues and 'doesn't do girlfriends'. However, I'm struggling to keep these feelings to myself and feel like I need to tell him how I feel but I'm scared of ruining a friendship as well. We get on very well - we have coffee and lunch etc, we had a friends with benefits arrangement during a brief split with the husband and things are never awkward with him. I don't know whether he is testing me with the girlfriend comments because he texts me everyday and is on dating websites obviously looking for a relationship. It just feels as though we are both stuck in the same situation of not wanting to take the first step.

My husband.. well, I want to leave. I really do. But I'm scared of the consequences.. I don't know if it is the best of ideas or to give it a go for the sake of my new family and forget about the other guy.

Advice from someone not involved would be great, I have no idea what direction to take