Love or Lies?

He is old enough to be your father and you're planning a wedding after less than a quarter of a year being together?

Honey, put on the brakes and please wait at least a year before you get married.

I just dont understand why everyone is like go against my relationship with him. Its like a sin to be with someone who is much older than you.

My girlfriend is older than me, everyone is pretty accepting. I don't think it's as much the age thing but more of you have been dating 3 months, you should be in the honeymoon stage of your relationship he shouldn't be lying to you. There's already such a big red flag.if you marry him it will end in a divorce save yourself some heartache.

Bingo; thank you for articulating that better than I did.

Farlene, it's not a sin to be with someone so much older, it's just not the best situation. You're in different stages of life. You are just starting on this road and he is near the end. He has five sons, some or all of them are probably older than you. He is ready to be a grandfather, maybe even a great grandfather. Your life experiences are very different. These differences just make it harder for a relationship. Think carefully about this. Wouldn't you be better off with someone closer to your own age that doesn't lie to you?

I always think that there's always a reason on why he always lied to me and i tend to forget about it n i try to keep believing on him.. i feel like i wanted to discuss with him that lies r making situation gone worse but i dont have the guts. The idea of getting married with him was somehow quite interesting along with the facts that he has 5 kids makes me more excited to be with him forever. I've met with the kids n they all r nice n my bf has raised them in a good manner, i must say. I just confused with him because he sometimes being so nice but sometimes being dishonest, gave thousand excuses n whatnot.. i wanted to discuss n tell him what i felt but im afraid that he will get mad if i assume too much about him. I also dont know how I accidentally fall in love with 47 years old man. Maybe it was fate i guess. He is a good man, he has faith in religion, he treats me well, unlike other guy around my age. He helps, advise, taught me a lot on everything. I am happy when i'm with him but when it comes to the stuff he was lying, i became so stressful and even thought of suicidal. Btw, we already bought the wedding outfit, rings and everything and he postponed the wedding because of his son. One of his sons is entering university but the date was clashing with our wedding date. I dont mind to have an old husband who is in mid of 40s n i would like to take care of him n i would like to raise all his kids, i want them to be my responsibility.

You are worried he will get mad if you explore why he is being so dishonest?
Have you no self esteem?

If you can't raise important issues with him now, what makes you think you will be able to raise them with him the day after you get married? And what makes you think the dishonesty will end the minute he says, "I do"? Don't you think you deserve at least basic honesty from someone who you want to be with for as long as possible? Trust is one of the most important values in a relationship.

You say the wedding has already been put off once. And you already have all of the paraphernalia that go along with it. I have been working in the wedding industry for a few years, and I know for a fact that it takes a good month or more to purchase most of that stuff because rings have to be fitted and apparel has to be tailored. And it also takes at least some time because nearly no one finds what they want on the first try, as there are so many choices and everyone wants to look and feel their best.

This means that either everything is bargain basement off the rack or he was planning this all along (and has been dictating all of the choices to you, without giving you a say in the matter), because a competent wedding professional such as a bridal gown or suit or sari seller or a jeweler would at least care about fit. Consider what that means to you. Of course weddings don't have to be incredibly expensive affairs; I am not suggesting that. Rather, I am suggesting that this is a steamroller.

You say you don't have the guts to confront him about lying. You are not going to magically grow guts when you put on that ring.

You are also not necessarily going to go through life quite as enthusiastic about raising his kids as you are right now.

You might even wonder, at some point in time, what it would have been like to have ended up with someone else.

Extricating yourself from an engagement (even when the rings, etc have been purchased) is a helluva lot easier and cheaper than a divorce.

I have been married for nearly 25 years and I trust my husband implicitly. We also got married in our late twenties, and he didn't propose until we had been dating a year. We knew (and still know) that we love each other, but we wanted to be certain. Nobody steamrolled anyone. We both knew we wanted to be together. He didn't lie to me then, and he doesn't lie to me now.

I know you're going to tell me - oh but I love him - and all of that. Relationships go through honeymoon phases. You're in it right now. But there are already red flags. If you delay for a while you will learn whether you can continue once the bloom is off the rose. You'll learn whether you can continue to put up with stuff that a lot of women would never tolerate. And maybe you'll grow a spine and figure out how to confront him about his untruths.

I'm sorry if that feels harsh, but my motive here isn't to stop marriage. I love marriage. Right and good and trusting and loving marriage is fantastic.

That isn't what you've got here.

Exactly my thoughts just because you bought everything and it costs a good amount --- it would be worse and more expensive if you went through with it and it didn't work.

If you really feel you love him --- save everything - you can still use it all in a year. Make sure you trust him; that you can question him - you are confident enough.

The age difference is not necessary the big deal - I think the tone when you write makes you sound young. Saving you are afraid to tell him you know he lied - lacks confidence on your side and confidence in your relationship.

My friend is married to a man 25 years older than her - they have 2 boys together and he has 2 boys from a previous marriage so I know it works. She did get married to him though in her 30s and not at 21 so the age difference seems to get smaller as you are older. Big difference at 21 (for most people) than at 31.

You have been dating for three months.

Relax.

You are 21 years old. There is no rush to get married.

Spend time getting to know this person better and becoming more confident in the relationship.

This



is an enormous red flad (bad omen/bad sign/bad voodoo).

You need to be able to talk to your partner about their lies. Pretending they are not lying does not help in the development of a good, strong, adult relationship.

Relax on the whole marriage thing.

Enjoy dating. It should be fun.

you're in a relationship with someone you know lies to you.
a good friend would be concerned about that .

this doesn't sound like a man who is a good bet for a good relationship

that you are afraid to talk to him is also not a good sign




Focus on your education/your job right now. Enjoy dating.

If marriage with this man happens in the future, it will because you have matured and he has worked on being honest.

Buying wedding gear is not important. It can be used in the future.