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Sun 26 Mar, 2017 01:22 am
Hi everyone,
I have one thing that really upsets and bothers me a lot recently.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We are both college students.
Recently, our college has built a new dormitory, and my girlfriend got into it.
She told me two weeks ago, "my friends (yes, plural) want to visit my dorm".
I said okay.
A few days later, I she casually mentioned that "friends" referred to a specific guy.
That guy wanted to see the new dorm, as he might want to apply to that dorm the next year.
Admittedly, I am a bit conservative. I expressed my dislike about "a guy" visiting my girlfriend's dorm.
My girlfriend said "he won't come into her room", she will just show inside the dorm building.
I casually asked, "what if I bring another girl to my dorm in the future, of course, we won't be doing anything"
She replied in a half-joking way, "I will kill you".
The guy was going to visit my girlfriend's dorm that weekend, but did not for some reasons.
I didn't mention anything more that time, as I did not want argument.
A few days later, I took out the topic again.
I said, "the guy would want to see the room. He can pretty much see other stuffs through the college website photos. He would want to see how the new dorm is different from the one he is currently staying in". She agreed that he would want to see the room, and she will show him.
I expressed dislike again, I said "no boyfriend would like it if another guy visits his girlfriend's room".
My girlfriend said "it's only going to be like 10 minutes".
To be honest, I trust her that nothing will happen during that 10 minutes. I really do.
But another guy vising her room really bothers me.
Especially,
she never let me into her dorm (she says she is "shy" and roommate might not like it if another person comes in). I've been only there once, the day she moved in.
Now, she is going to let other guy in, just because he wants to see how it is like, and despite the fact that I expressed my dislike several times.
When I asked whether I can go with them, she said "that would be weird (so no)."
As I said, I am conservative person. But I think a "guy" going to my girlfriend's room is a bit too much.
It really bothers me a lot.
Am I overreacting?
I'm not following. He's a guy wanting to visit a girls' dorm to see if he wants to apply. How can he even apply to a girls' dorm. Don't know about overreacting, but it sounds kind of fishy.
@roger,
Our college does not divide female dorm and male dorm.
They do by floors though (like 1-2nd floors are for males, 3-4th are for females).
The guy stays in another dorm. He will have to apply for dorm again next year. He wants to see if the new dorm (which my girlfriend stays at) is good.
@annaspecialist,
Oh, sorry. Well, if you believe her about the ten minutes, I guess you are overreacting.
@roger,
Thanks for the reply roger.
Well, I do trust her in general that she won't cheat on me.
But it has been bothering me quite a lot that she let's other guy visit her room despite my strong expression of dislike.
Do you think I should just let go of it and let her bring "a guy" to her room for a while?
Not sure how other guys might think, but glad someone provided a suggestion.
@annaspecialist,
Why not approach this from another perspective?
If she was going to cheat on you, she could do it at any time. She wouldn't need a walk through dorm story to make it happen.
You should trust her, she hasn't done anything yet. Let it go. Besides If you attempt to keep her on this jealous leash it says nothing about her actual faithfulness to you. All it does is say she has to be faithful because you've never actually given her a chance to prove her loyalty to you.
To really know and feel that she is loyal, you have to allow these sorts of things to happen.
First, if she does cheat then it proves she never really was loyal to you. But now you know and can move onto a woman who will.
Second, if she continues to show shes loyal to you, then it proves shes with you and wants you over all those chances she could have cheated but didn't because she's loyal to you.
This is true respect for her and the relationship. Allow her freedom to stray from your relationship and when she doesn't it shows she truly wants you.
I say and suggest to always allow these things unless you honestly feel this guy is a threat in a rapey way. Dont kid yourself though. Dont tell yourself this is why you are concerned for her showing this guy around if it's really just a jealousy issue.
@annaspecialist,
Well, I think Krumple is right.
@Krumple,
Than kyou, both Krumple and roger.
I guess you guys are right.
I should allow this freedom and see if she's loyal (which I trust she will be).
Thank you for your kind replies and opinions
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