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Getting friendzoned too soon too many times

 
 
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:09 am
I have a problem. In my early thirties. I haven't had luck in the love/relationship department so far.
I can say I do get past the initial barriers fast and easily(phone number, first one/two hang outs).
This has happened on many occassions. But probably I get friendzoned or ignored later.
This has happened so many times now that I doubt I'm doing something seriously wrong somewhere.

I wouldn't say I am hugely attractive a guy. Looks are average to a nudge above average. Only a nudge. (5.5 to 6 out of 10 IMHO)
Not short on confidence I'd assume. Yes I feel too intimidated if I were to go ask a 9 or a 10
(10 don't exist for economy class frequent flyers which most of us are because if there were a 10 in our
strata, she would move to the upper deck first class eventually ). But asking a 8 or a 7/6/5 is no problem.
And I get occassional ayes too.

What am I doing wrong in the first one or two dates that things don't go beyond?
FYI I am from India. I've never really dated in India. My dating skills were zero whilst I was there.
When I moved to Europe I decided to challenge myself with this new skill and I think I learnt a bit of it
soon. But I'm not the kind of guy who would rush to kiss or show any signal of lust in first one or two dates.
Not to tell you that I don't have lust. I'm a guy and no different to guys anywhere in the world. I am looking
for a stable relationship with the person I get attracted to and 'get attracted to' part happens many times!
In India, I don't think getting physical happens even with highly skilled players. Platonic courtship
does go for first few dates. Someone told me in Europe it goes fast. I don't think so.
Europe or India, throwing myself to a stranger to kiss her or excuse me, touch her, in the first or second date
would be transgression of her personal space and would be equal to disrespecting her. And I absolutely
don't want to disrespect any girl who by the way is a stranger on the first/second date.
So all I do is be myself, try to have a healthy conversation, be a gentleman and go back to apartment, of course
alone Very Happy

I would be grateful to anyone who wants to share some pearls of wisdom here.
It's a question of some training which I didn't receive growing up in a small town of India because dating
didn't (and mostly doesn't) exist there. Looking forward to learn and improve my game.


 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:39 am
@lost-found-lost,
lost-found-lost wrote:
...
I can say I do get past the initial barriers fast and easily(phone number, first one/two hang outs). ...


There's your problem right there.

Stop hanging around. Start dating. Be a lot clearer about your intentions.

And make friends before you start with asking someone for their phone number. I would find it mighty weird if some random guy asked me for my number, etc. I would rather spend time with people I know I like and who I know I am safe with.

Also, all that crap about rating anyone's looks (yours or anyone else's)? Stop that crap right now. Talk to people. Make friends. Stop choosing women to date based on looks alone. You're not a kid anymore, for God's sake.

Stop acting like one and maybe you'll have better luck in the dating department.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  3  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 11:53 am
Everything that Jespah says, plus discard the whole concept of "friendzone". This is a notion that some guys have, that women who they want sexually, who don't want them in that way, are somehow relegating them to a kind of loser's status. It demeans the idea of friendship, and shifts the blame onto the women. Thinking that way won't help you.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 11:53 am
There must be some cultural or religious groups that you would be interested in where people from your background gather.

Perhaps seeking relationships with modern Indian women is your best bet.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  3  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 02:18 pm
You know, a guy who really has many (genuine) women friends is actually going to be super appealing to a good proportion of new women that he meets because these are going to say "Women like him as a friend, he must be OK" and this should translate into more and better chances of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Friendzone is not friendship. It is a mental prison for some guys who think sex is their right.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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