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How can I make new friends?

 
 
MelMoi
 
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 09:24 pm
I would like suggestions of how to make new and local friends. I have a couple of friends who live in other countries but not local. I went to some meetups at meetup.com but I feel that there is not much of a chance to really make friends, cuz I only see those people once in a meetup and not every single meetup. I am in my late 20s gal and it is hard in this day and age to start making real and new friendships. Any good advice will be quite helpful.
 
Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 09:57 pm
@MelMoi,
Get involved in some community activities, volunteer at school or hospital or some other spot which is in need of help.
Krumple
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:11 pm
@MelMoi,
Offer people money to be your friend.
Make a shirt that says, "Help I'm lost." and wear it.
Go to a random location and just start talking to people.
Start a go fund me for friends.
Become famous, everyone will want to be your friend.
Become your own best friend.
MelMoi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:12 pm
@Sturgis,
What are some example of community activities?
Do you know what websites I can find these things?
TomTomBinks
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:18 pm
@Krumple,
Quote:
Offer people money to be your friend.

Hey, I was going to say that!
0 Replies
 
TomTomBinks
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:24 pm
@MelMoi,
I guess you must be in a new city. Try frequenting the same restaurants, coffee shops, bodegas, etc. in your neighborhood. You'll eventually start running into the same people. When you see someone you recognize, strike up a conversation. One thing you'll have in common is living close to each other.
Sturgis
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:25 pm
@MelMoi,
Often there are community gardens or holiday parades, there could be a group trying to save an old building or keep an unwanted nightclub from opening. There could be a bake sale or street fair to raise money for the arts in the local schools. Tree planting, trash cleanup from vacant lots. Cleanup of rivers and lakes, putting together care packages for men and women serving in the armed forces of your country.

Check with your town council or chamber of commerce to see what needs to be done.
MelMoi
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:27 pm
@Krumple,
I am going to be blunt.. That is some pathetic advice..
Especially "offer people money to be your friend"
Do you think really think that is good advice to give?
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:29 pm
@MelMoi,
I think she knew that.
0 Replies
 
MelMoi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:30 pm
@TomTomBinks,
No, I've been living at the town for a while..
Striking a conversation with a stranger would be awkward.
I have done that many times..and nothing happens and they looked at me weird..
0 Replies
 
MelMoi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Mar, 2017 10:33 pm
@Sturgis,
Thank you but I am not much a community type of person.. Do you have any other thing to suggest other than community?
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 08:12 am
@MelMoi,
Here are a bunch of ideas, depending upon taste and opportunity -

Go to Meetup and this time actually talk to people. Don't ask them about Meetup. Ask them about what else to do in the area.

Say hi to your greengrocer and your mailman. Say good morning to the lady walking her dog and, if no one's in a hurry, ask her what kind of dog it is, or if it's friendly, or its name.

Take a class at the local community college or adult education. Go to a lecture at the library and talk to people afterwards.

Join a gym and say hello to the people you see there, and eventually ask them basic questions like where is there a great place for sushi, or where did they get their sneakers. If they are wearing a tee shirt from a road race (or if anyone you meet is), ask them about that event and then sign up for it, train for it, and do it.

Ask the hardware store guy about how to fix a leaky toilet, or the lady at the yarn store what's the best yarn for a newborn who's allergic to wool.

Go to religious services if that floats your boat.

If you like a fandom, then find out when their next convention will be in your area, or whether they will be a part of a nearby comic con - and then go and say hi to people and comment on their cosplay or ask them which episode is their favorite.

You need to do some legwork here, and not just sit at home and reject everything being suggested to you.
MelMoi
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:25 am
@jespah,
Those are some good suggestions.
I want to ask you though, and what if one don't meet these people again after one exchanges a few words or so and they don't turn out to be friends ?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:32 am
@MelMoi,
Don't judge it all based on a few words.

Consider this. Let's say you were having a bad day, and someone tried to save good morning to you, and you shrugged them off.

Do you want them to think you're a bitch forever, or do you want them to maybe say good morning to you on some other day?

Or are you always grumpy?

And how can anyone possible know, one way or the other, based on a few words?

The first few words are nothing to base a potential friendship on. Try talking several times. I don't mean a super-long conversation every single time you meet someone. I mean talking to a lot of people and trying many times.

This is a numbers game. And it is one of persistence. Don't be a stalker. Don't be weird. But if you said three words to me and I was busy and didn't answer you, I would hate for you to judge me forever based on the fact that I was struggling to find my wallet in my purse or waiting for an important phone call and feeling my phone vibrate.

And once again, this is avoidance behavior on your part (note: I am not a doctor). Open your mouth and talk to people, even if it's something like, "What horrible rain!" The world will not come to an end if no one answers you. But by doing nothing, you are guaranteeing no one will ever answer you.

So which do you prefer: 0% odds, or 10% odds, or maybe even as much as 90% odds, if you're pleasant and cheerful and don't say anything particularly random or weird?
MelMoi
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 11:13 am
@jespah,
Well hopefully this does work, cause in my experiences it didn't go well and wasn't successful..But honestly usually when you talk to those people it doesn't lead to a friendship..only a stranger or maybe acquaintance?
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  0  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 12:36 pm
@MelMoi,
MelMoi wrote:

I am going to be blunt.. That is some pathetic advice..
Especially "offer people money to be your friend"
Do you think really think that is good advice to give?


They were jokes. Maybe being your friend is rough if you can't have fun or be silly on occasion. Lighten up.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 01:26 pm
What are in interested in? Or is there something you always wanted to try?

For example if you like animals, reach out to a local animal shelter and ask if they need volunteers - you can often times even look up their website and they would have listed volunteer opportunities. Or if you like nature - try finding a local nature center, gardening club. If you like reading - there are book clubs - you could check with your local library.

Or if there was always something you wanted to try out - say tennis - look up your local Y or other gym. Or just something like say flower arranging, ball room dancing, cooking - check your local adult education - a local vocational school or even high school or community college would have adult education classes.

Think of something you enjoy or would like to try and do a simple google search with mentioning your town, community - another thought - the library is awesome - if there is something you are interested and can't seem to find it- librarians are great at reaching things out (and it forces a conversation with someone you don't know).

There is so much out there it just takes a little work to find something of interest to you - once you find something like that - it is easier conversation with someone else as you already have a starting point of interests.
0 Replies
 
MelMoi
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:30 pm
@Krumple,
Well, it looks that you haven't read the paragraph below my question. The last sentence saids ANY GOOD ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED AND HELPFUL.
No where I have said to add foolish jokes that are unwanted..
So Read and think FIRST before you write.
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Mar, 2017 10:55 pm
@MelMoi,
MelMoi wrote:

Well, it looks that you haven't read the paragraph below my question. The last sentence saids ANY GOOD ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED AND HELPFUL.
No where I have said to add foolish jokes that are unwanted..
So Read and think FIRST before you write.


How about this might be why you don't have friends, you can't take a joke?
0 Replies
 
 

 
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