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Thu 23 Mar, 2017 01:46 pm
I live in US & married last year in India, however my marriage took place in very unconventional way. I was in relationship with a Girl, whom I wanted to marry, however just before marriage, my parents threatened me to commit suicide and break all relations with me & I ended up marrying different Girl of their choice. My family abused & tourchered me as I was their adopted Son. Because of my past love life, they described me as ' loose character' in front of many people including my wife.
Its been more than a year but relationship between me & my wife has been heated and stressful. Ever since she came to know about my past from my family, she started questioning my character now and then, which turned into arguments, we got into regular disputes. There were talks of separation too many times from her family side, but after few days silence - things were back to normal.
Post marriage, my parents behave with me as they don't even know me, they don't even bother to know if I am alive or not. If I am to live with them, I need to follow them in every aspect for everything. My mind has been unsettled lately because of all these thoughts, how come they treat me this way. Every moment I feel regret that, had I been selfish when it mattered the most like them & taken stand for my emotions, my life would have been different today.
The Girl I wanted to marry, also married last year to someone else, though today my wife and my parents still hate her, they have fear that she will come back to my life.
I do not even keep contacts with my friends anymore as they tend to ask more about my personal life & I feel ashamed of myself hence I deleted my social media profiles too.
I do not want to cheat my wife, but at the same time I am not happy either. I have been very changed person than I was before marriage - more due to the way my marriage took place & indifferent behavior of my family towards me, but she doesn't understand that part & I end up getting more burnt.
I am waiting for my wife's visa to get approved so she can come here, but at the same time I am really worried and stressed about my future too.
I am just directionless , if possible please share your views.
Thanks
@Jani23,
Do you like the woman you married?
__
putting aside your thoughts of the first woman and your family, how do you feel about your wife? do you want her to live with you in the US? if you are not 100% sure, do not proceed with the visa request.
Stay away from your family. They are not supportive of you. Develop a good community of friends in the US - it is much better to have good friends than a non-supportive family.
@Jani23,
Jani23 wrote:I do not even keep contacts with my friends anymore as they tend to ask more about my personal life & I feel ashamed of myself hence I deleted my social media profiles too.
re-establish your connections with your north american friends. focus on that.
@Jani23,
Get as far away from your family as you can. There is no point in attempting to have relationships with people who have manipulated you so badly.
Break all contact with your parents. They are not good for you.
@ehBeth,
Hi Ehbeth,
Thanks for your message. My wife is a nice woman, though stubborn and sticks to her own thoughts. She is more into love, sex and romance most of the time. She feels jealous & feels insecure even if I have any woman friend.
I have no issues with her but she doesn't understand the change that came in me post marriage. I explained her many times that we can be happy together if she understand me as different person than I was before marriage & stop doubting my character, but she does not & every time we have big dispute, she brings in between matter of my past, that even hurts me more.
I have to follow her for everything or else she is capable enough to destroy my career and future just like my parents did with my marriage. I am left with no choice.
@Jani23,
Do your wife and parents work in the same field as you do?
If not, there really is nothing they can do to you in North America. You establish your own professional credibility.
It doesn't sound like it would be a good idea to bring her to the US. Pull your Visa support until you are sure she will be a good, supportive partner.
Do not return to India. There is nothing good there for you.
Stay in the US at all costs.
@ehBeth,
Agreed. Keep the ocean between you and your family.
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