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Sun 12 Mar, 2017 07:51 am
Hello everyone, I'm having a problem with my gf whom I've been dating for about 5 months now... well, the problem is her friends... my gf has bad depression due to her past and we learn to live with it and get by everyday, at first I didn't understand but now I've apologized to her about it and I now accept that she has a mental illness that needs to be treated and this takes paitence and time...
It's not that though... my gf was in a very abusive relationship with her bestfriend who was a guy... she'd vent to me so much about how they'd argue alot and he'd make her feel like dirt whenever they played online games together and that he'd always trigger her depression... basically she told me alot of horrible crap about this guy and that she's happy she met me... now over the months, we've had our arguments and stuff but we learned to resolve them together as a couple
I really love my gf with all my heart but I just dont get it... Now we came to an agreement that she stop talking to the guy back in early December (it was so hard for her to agree and drop him!) but she did and things got better and we got closer! like before, she'd just skype him 24/7 and play online with him all day and night whilst texting me on the side... so after 3-4 months the guy decides to message her back saying that he was sorry, she told me that he's apologized before
but just do the same old abusive things he'd normally do so I told her to just completely drop him, thinking she did, she just informed me via skype last night that she's been texting him behind my back and she didnt tell me cause it would cause us to argue, she sent me screenshots of him apologizing even after he severely disrespected our relationship and didnt take her request for an apology back in December... I told her that it's okay for her to accept his apology but I just want her to drop him cause she
has me and we're extremely close, like we text and skype every single day we can... well she informed me about it and I just told her to drop him cause she has me and that she doesnt need to go back into an abusive relationship with her "best friend" cause she already has bad depression but then she started defending him saying that "she know he's changed" and stuff but I don't want it to go back to where she did things with me on the side... I want it to be us 2 doing things together and I vented about it to her
and begged her not to go back to talking to that guy and I felt really horrible, she could hear it in my voice but then she started laughing at me like my feelings are being toyed with and she told me that no matter what, she's gonna talk to him and that I can't convince her... at this point I wanna know if our relationship is worth it anymore cause she'd always push me off and tell me to go find someone better everytime we argue but I truly love her and we've already made plans to get married and stuff
she's the closest person to me right now and I don't wanna lose her but I feel like its pointless cause things may get worse since she's bringing this guy back in, whereas I dropped all of my friends for her without a problem cause shes a "needy gf who needs my full attention" but I ask her to do this one thing and she want's to argue... she's known him for 9 years and he's been a jerk to her on and off from ever since they met to until she met me, at this moment as I type, I texted her how I felt
and we may argue again because she won't look at it from my pov only hers... is it worth it anymore...?
@anon1443,
Edit: We talked about this for about 4-5 hours last night and she got so frustrated over it and she just said "I'll drop all my friends cause it seems like I can't have any" she always does this when we argue but I think I'm just too overprotective and maybe I should care less about what she does and maybe I should let her live her life? I just can't though cause we're so closer ever since she dropped him and I'm making her do this cause he's an abusive friend who'd threaten her by saying that he'd commit suicide and stuff then blame it on her, like everyone tells her to drop him cause she's had the most horrible moments with him all her life and she hasn't had any bad moments with me really, she's kind of the stubborn type and it's annoying... I only make her drop friends who she tell me bad things about but Idk at this point I feel toyed with! what should I tell her? I only got like 2 hours of sleep last night too, I'm stressed...
Your needy girlfriend needs counseling from a professional. If she is leaning on you to take the place of a qualified therapist, then she is not being fair to you. This is way above your pay grade.
Suggest she get therapy because depression, gone untreated, can be fatal, and you care about her. If she already is in therapy, then tell her to talk to her therapist about this abusive 'friend', and she might want to ask herself why she thinks she deserves poor treatment.
And reconnect with your own friends. Do not play therapist or white knight. She needs a doctor. You are not one. Do not play at being one; it is bad for both of you.
@jespah,
I tell her to go get therapy all the time and she just replies with "I'm not a crazy person, I don't need treatment" she's being very stubborn with this... for 3 days in a row now we've been arguing again... wanna know why? Someone at school pissed her off so she takes her anger out on me instead of talking it out... like the smallest of things anger her and the only reason I'm not telling her to GTFO is because she has depression but her mood changes are seriously getting between us! like I try my hardest to understand her situation and keep her happy cause I know she gets depressed if I give her the chance but it's not working! Like she starts off by saying things I hate (and she knows this) I change my tone in the slightest and she asks "Why are you angry ?!" then I go quiet and she freaking constantly bug me and ask me why am I so quiet so I tell her and she gets angry and hangs up...
@anon1443,
You don't need this crap in your life. It will only get worse, and her depression is, right now, the only hook holding you in her life.
Wait till she starts threatening suicide if you leave. You will be hounded and guilted forever if you don't watch it. It's a species of abuse, actually.
You are being manipulated by her illness. You can alway put your foot down and tell her she either gets help or you walk. And back up your talk with action. Life does not have to be this way.
@jespah,
Thanks for the advice and help so far, even when we do settle things and I wanna talk, all she wanna do is sleep and she's ALWAYS TIRED! and its like 8pm when we're talking... I'm sick and tired of her K-pop addiction too, she always says how she wants to move to Korea and live with her mom... that really upset me and she doesn't understand! Like if you're willing to move to another country then what about our relationship? what about our plans? she says that its been her long dream to move there and nothing is gonna stop that... she only wants to go there because she's addicted to freaking K-pop! I am so done with this relationship... I don't think it's worth it anymore... I always feel more hurt at the end of the day...
@anon1443,
Edit: Not to mention how she'd drool over the guys in K-pop, showing me her posters of them, shirts, lanyards, etc. it's truly annoying... she even has them as her wallpaper on her phone and she had one of the singers real name as her password! Once she spent $250 at a K-pop concert just to get an autograph and her mom encourages her with this crap, you could love music or the people that sing it but if you're gonna put your K-pop addiction in front of your bf (who's always there for you) then you can just leave
@anon1443,
Then be done with her. And maybe clue in her mother that she's depressed. And then just wash your hands of it all.
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