Where do I go from here?

My ex Adam and I had been together for 12 years. Back in 2012 we had a bad argument which turned into him almost killing me for kicking him out and throwing his clothes over the balcony in front of his company. We did get back together years later, but things haven't been right lately. He's been coming home at sunrise and always has be gone, never wanting to spend time with me, only on the weekdays but when the weekends comes he always has plans to do something else. Well this weekend was my last straw, I told him I'd had enough and I needed a break, I would pack his clothes and bring it to a family meme we whom I'd dropped him off too earlier during the day. He ended up coming back the next morning sooooo drunk came through a window and started to choke me, had me bound by the wrist until a family memembr came to my defense . I was done with the relationship at that point bc it brought me back to what happened years earlier when I almost died. He ended up leaving and then afterwards my mother tells me that my 5 year old told her that he's afraid of him and that he hit him bc he wet the bed. I confirmed this with my 5 year old. So now I know I definitely don't want him around my child anymore, and I know that it will never work, but I'm am torn with guilt feeling that if I wouldn't have brought his clothes to someone else house outside, he wouldn't have done what he did, basically I feel as though it's my fault, and I'm worried about him bc he has no car, no reliable way to get to and from work other than me, and I feel like I ruined his life. I'm so confused hurt and sad, I want this to be ok, and I love him a lot but we just are two different people and I can't have my child around someone he's afraid of , he says I didn't have to touch his things and I admit that was wrong of me and immature I should calmed down and handled things better, but I don't think I deserved that. What do I do now? My mind is telling me to let go no contact but my heart is saying help him it's your fault ?