Was in a relationship for about 9 years

Sometimes things just don't work out the way we had hoped for.

You said yourself that you didn't talk about this relationship with your family. So in an unconscious way you may have realized this was problematic at best.

I also realize you are probably in India, where apparently getting counseling is the worst sin, ever. But if you can get counseling, please do so, in order to talk through your feelings about what happened and how you can move forward. It helps with an impartial professional. But if that is just not possible, then this is the time to lean on your friends and at least tell them your troubles. Most people are not going to have a solution to this, and that's okay. Just vent. And occupy yourself with your friends, your family, your work, and your hobbies, no matter what they are. That is, try to fill up the time in your life as that will at least help to distract you. I wish you well.

Thank you so much @jespah .. I really appreciate your reply . As you said that I didn't talk about my relationship with my parents , but it had a reason because in India younger sister cannot marry before elder sister. That's the reason I didn't mention about our relationship to my parents rather I convinced his parents and all were happy. His parents liked me very much and they are in contact with me since 3 Years. Everything was set and this was the time to marry and he said breakup. He don't have any job and apart from that he has bad habits like smoking, tobacco ,whiskey . but it doesn't matter to me. I was okay with his habits. I used to help him whenever he needed help and once I alone went to hospital for checkup ( personal) . I couldn't mention about this to my family as I crossed some limits ( things which were supposed to be done after marriage). But at that time we had argument due to some reason and he said you go alone to hospital I won't come. Do whatever you want and he just left me alone. That day I went alone to hospital for checkup. He didn't support me in difficult times.. We crossed such limits because he assured me that he is going to marry me. And 2 months back I sold 3 gold Ring's for him as his phone was broken. Also he needed some money like 8000 for his course to study. I withdrew from my fixed deposit account. I just did every possible thing to make him happy. But he don't respect me , he won't allow me to go out with my family. He is very much possessive kind of person. And feel very bad about this. I really loved him a lot and want to beg him literally . I messaged him many times but he warned me not to contact otherwise he will ruin my life. He said that he won't marry any girl as all girls are same. This are his words. But I feel we get one life so should I request him again to be together or just leave him ? I think if I move with my parents choice of person for lifelong will I not be spoiling his life ? As I crossed my limits with my bf. So i thought of being single forever. I know my English is not so good sorry guys. And thank you very much . waiting for your reply

Your English is fine; I definitely understood what you said.

I have to say, I'm kind of with your parents after reading more of the story. You have literally invested going on $10,000 for this guy. And his bad habits, they aren't just bad habits. They are expensive and self-destructive. He doesn't work, either.

He's what we would call here in the US a sponge or a leech. You are only as good as what he can get out of you. I'm sorry, and I know that is really blunt. And this doesn't necessarily mean your parents' choice is so great for you, either. But you are bedazzled by this 'bad boy' who is really no more than a taker, I feel.

From everything you have written, I don't see anything at all lovable about him. Nothing intelligent, generous, caring, thoughtful, hard-working, funny, pleasant, moral, or kind. And if I am mistaken, then please tell me! But from my perspective, I am not seeing any positive qualities whatsoever. And I suspect your parents have a similar vantage point (and keep in mind, I'm probably a lot closer in age to them than to you, although I have no kids).

Anyway, as for the younger not marrying before the elder? I'm really glad that's not the tradition here, as my elder brother got married two years after I did.

Hang in there. I think once you put some distance between yourself and this relationship, you'll begin to get more of a perspective on it.

Thank you very much @jespah. He had some good qualities in the beginning of our relationship later on as we got closer his qualities were decreasing. He used to present gifts in the beginning but after 3-4 years it ended.
Argument was the only reason for us that too on small issues like ' why didn't you lift my call ?' Why were you late today ? . I think he won't trust me . and he said me I don't trust you at all. But I trust him a lot even after he slept with some girl. He won't forgive my small arguments and small mistakes but I forgave him for his mistakes. Everything was okay. We were close , shared everything , every mistakes , every moments , jokes . but we had only one problem arguing on small issues. I tried to change myself in almost everything . and now I'm changed as he wanted me to be! And at this point he said " we can't be together , you can live a better life . if we stay together we cannot be happy at all. I tried to convince him that I changed . pls don't leave me. He didn't listen to me . but I really wanted to be with him. I tried to convince but he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I said we will give it a new start.

In India boys only has the right to cheat. If girl cheats , he ruins her life. I don't understand what should I do? He want to end the relationship but I don't want to. I'm trying to convince him but he said " I don't trust you" . I never ever was in relationship with any other guy as I was with him. In the beginning of our relationship I used to speak to some (boys ) but as a friend only. Later on left everything.
I wanted to work for my family , It was like my dream. But he said don't work in companies ( amazon and so on.). He doesn't like that. Then I thought of doing teaching job and earn some money. Again I thought he doesn't work , later on after marriage we should be settled so I thought I should go for government job. And started preparation for it. But couldn't crack it. And now I'm nowhere , thought to work after marriage but he denied. He studied till 12th standard. And I completed my 4 years graduation. But I loved a person whole heatedly not his habits .

It's not cheating if you end the relationship. He's already ended it, anyway. So make it official. Let it be over.

In the meantime, I know what it feels like when you feel this is it - and then it turns out not to be. I didn't meet my husband until I was 26 years old. So any guys from before? They don't matter to me. I am friends with three of them on Facebook. They're nice men, but I have no desire for them or reason to think about them beyond wondering what they are up to on Facebook. One has been married for I think going on 30 years. The other two have long-term girlfriends. I wish them well.

And I am so happy that I'm not with them.

It won't take you 30 years to let go. That part I can more or less guarantee.

Thank you @jespah . even I wasn't having any desire with those friends. It was just friendship.but I really don't regret that I left my friendship for him. Everything I have done with wholeheartedly. I tried to convince him in many ways to be together but he has ended. I think that after being in a relationship for such a long period I shouldn't marry because I can't ruin other person's life. As i Was in a relationship for such a long period I think I should be independent and single forever . what do you suggest for this ? Thank you

There are people who marry for 40 years, it ends (through divorce or death) and then those people marry again.

Please don't decide this is the end of that aspect of your life.

OKay thank you very much @jespah .. I will try to move on in life.