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Thu 2 Feb, 2017 03:17 pm
Hello,
My fiancée and I are currently in a long distance relationship because we both decided that it was in our best interest for the future. She got a job in her local community and stayed there with our son, but I got accepted into a good university. Initially, I refused the university offer, but she insisted I get a degree and after much talk, she convinced me. Her whole family convinced me. They love me.
After a couple of months, I am beginning to feel a strain in our relationship because we have lost touch. Despite my recommendation that we do something erotic via Facetime or sexy messages she refuses, and I am running out of options. Sometimes just communicating isn't enough for me because I want to prove that we're more than just long distance contacts who've met at a random chatroom, for example. I want to feel connected to her, and she understands, but always complains she doesn't have time. Granted I comprehend her situation, but I've been in the working world also, and it only takes 3 seconds to type 'Hi honey. I love you' on a text message, which is something that illuminates my whole day but she never takes the initiative to do. I am not trying to sound like the victim here, but I have tried everything, and I fear that our relationship is slowly dying.
Communication is essential, but what happens when the person at the other end isn't receiving? Are there other solutions? I will once again call her and talk, but I fear to bring up the subject again because it doesn't take much to upset her. She loves me to death and would move mountains for me, but when it comes to sex, I feel she's a bit closed. Granted she has body image issues (she's slightly overweight) but for 15 years I've been telling her she's sexy, and I demonstrate my love for her. I may sound like a perfect guy, which I am not, but I try my best, and so does she.
Can anybody give me some advice? I feel like I've hit the wall and could run into a mental breakdown. I love her to death, and so does she, but this emotional gap isn't helping.
I hope this site can help answer some of my questions or bring me some good advice.
Thank you for taking the time to read this message,
@fiance9494,
Make plans with her. Not marriage plans, but a vacation for your semester break or at its end. Without your son, I might add.
Make this about your relationship and not about its sexual aspects.
And, BTW, not for nothing, but two people who have a child together are hardly random chat room acquaintances, particularly when they've got a decade and a half of history together.
@jespah,
I agree with your recommendation but she brings up the whole financial aspect. She's more concerned with spending that money for her bachelorette party, which won't happen for another year. I agree with your statement on sex but sometimes a couple needs that as much as they need a good and healthy relationship. Actually, our sex life is deficient which is why it concerns me. We're not random chat room acquaintances but it feels like so when we only spend a few minutes talking. I don't want to sound pessimistic but your ideas have been talked about in the past, between us. Thank you for the advice though and for taking time to respond. It is very much appreciated.
@fiance9494,
Maybe you need to go home?
Not all couples can make long distance work.
Does your fiance understand that there is a serious problem? she may not need to worry about money for a bachelorette party if the relationship fails.
Let her know that you need to spend real time together - and arrange for it. A mini-vacation just for the two of you on neutral ground. i.e. not near her home or where you are. Somewhere in between.
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