Unsure about my future

I'm writing because I can't really talk to anyone about this, so thanks guys for reading.

I'm 28 and I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man for the last 9 years (we were each other's first). We're still living separately with parents due to job/finance issues (it is not uncommon in my country) but we plan to move in together as I find another stable job. After years of really waiting for this, I kinda got cold feet.

I was never sure if he's the one. I was always scared of committing with him in terms of marriage and having kids together. He's ready for these things though and mentions he is going to put pressure on me in a couple of years because he really wants these things. I really really want to want these things with him too and grow ready in let's say 3-4 years but I accept that we should separate as soon as possible if I ever know for sure I don't want these things at all or with him.

His job was a big problem for me, since it meant being away a lot. He told me he would stay in oil industry for 5 years then find something else. I told him I'm sorry but there's no way I can survive 5 years like this because I can't handle long distance, on and off relationship, as I'm naturally prone to mood swings. This was 5 years ago, and he's still working this way. Some months were very hard on me, some not so much. It's better now, but I still know I don't want a lifestyle like that and he still didn't found any ideas for some other job.

I'm also tired of having crushes all the time. I don't approach my crushes and wait for feelings to die off. Recent infatuation feels really intense. I barely spoke to the guy (because I avoid my crushes) and I don't have any contact with him anymore but I miss him a lot right now. Then again, I remember it always feels more intense before it dies off and I always end up thinking my boyfriend is way cooler.

I feel like our relationship is more special than what people around me have. I really do love my boyfriend and find him very attractive, physically and personality wise. He makes me laugh and hugs me all the time. We used to argue a lot and had troubles communicating. We had some darker years, with my depressive moods and him being too passive. Now we both grew so much it's almost perfect.

I'm considering therapy to sort these things out. But I feel like it would be another way to avoid responsibility for my own life.

Anyway, I would love some insight from you guys. What do you think about the situation? How would you approach sorting out these issues? I'm ok with negative feedback too, if you think that could be helpful for me. Thanks a lot!