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Sun 15 Jan, 2017 12:35 pm
Hi all I am new to this forum and am looking for some advice and opinions please...
I am really starting to believe my man who I've been living with for 4 months and been with for 9months isn't over his ex and may have been cheating on me with her throughout the entire time of us being together. There was major drama that went down on New Years , unexpected drama. One of my friends is friends with my mans ex. They talked and apparently my friend ( whos name is Mike) told me he had some things that he felt I needed to know. He told me he was still involved with his ex ( Sara). My bf told me that it was all lies and that he stopped seeing her in May2016..but we made things official in April of 2016. That's all that he admitted to. So I told Mike that if she didn't have concrete proof that I am going to stay with my man and continue on with our relationship because I thought it was solid. Well.... she contacts me on FB to let me know of the concrete proof... at that point, me and my man were kind of over. She told me these times where they were out together and hooked up over at her apartment. She said they'd go out on their lunch breaks to hook up or just have lunch. She said that he bought her a couch and a table My man denies it and says they've only been friendly and they'd just talk about things going on in their lives so of course she knows about events that went on in his life. He feels that shes just mad because he chose me over her. She told me that he took her to his friends/Coworkers birthday party. She also said that there were times he'd go through her phone. All of these things had me wondering if all this were true. I don't know how I feel about things as he hardly ever talks about her. So I'm staying for reason I don't want to get into. Hopefully things work out, if not I have A LOT of pieces to pick up. Does anyone feel like I should be worried? Is he still in love with his ex? Should I believe him? I told her in one of her messages to me that if he ever contacts her to let me know by screenshots because it'll have his phone number date and time of contact. Was that smart of me to request that? I gave her my number to contact me. Do you all feel that he will try and reach out to her or will he leave her alone and respect our relationship? Again he's denied everything.
@AutumnLeaves65,
Here's how he can really at least start to earn your trust back - go no contact with his ex.
@AutumnLeaves65,
Why do you think Mike told you about your bf's ongoing relationship with another woman?
Keep in mind that from the perspective of the other woman, her bf is cheating on her with you.
What has your bf suggested he will do to gain/regain your trust?
Well, SOMEONE is lying.
Is there another 3rd party that has witnessed any "very public" scenes with them being together?
Are there any other clues that your BF is seeing another woman? Can't you trace the purchase of major furniture on his credit card?
If not, let this go. Stop talking to this woman. You are letting her in on your relationship - something she wants to do. You are going to drive your man away if you persist on just rumors instead of fact. Find out the facts.
I do apologize that I amresponding late and thank you all for responding.
He did in fact cheat on me with her. There is no doubt in my mind that he did.
I'll admit that I suspected it, long before it came to light.
As far as other people knowing, yes, at that party, I wondered what happened with him as I had a jewelry show to go to that same day.... was out by 6pm... apparently the party was at 7pm. He took her, the people at the party, is proof she was with him. Either way, if they were friends attending, it's STILL suspicious as we were going to celebrate our 5month anniversary that day.
There have been so many red flags with us.
I did stop communicating with the ex until recent. ..... Mike, the mutual friend, contacted me out of the blue, telling me that the ex told him that she was suspicious about a private call that she received and may have thought it may or may not have been my man. She didn't tell me, Mike felt the need to. After being told of this, I confronted my man about it, only for him to call and cuss out the ex , calling her a whore and sleeping around with other guys....
She tells me that she was bothered by the face that Mike had come to me about the private call and to just ignore anything he has to say at this point.
As she and I are conversing, she receives a call from my man..... she asked me why he was calling her.... I asked if he was calling her at that moment, she said yes and just assumed he was calling to apologize for how he spoke with her. I message him immediately, letting him know that I knew he was contacting her because , see, he told me that he had blocked her and SWORE to me that he'd never make any contact with her again....
He gets mad at the ex, assuming she's starting drama with us, calls her a lying pathetic whore and proceeds to tell her that he's going to send all these videos of these two not only Mike, but other men he suspects her of sleeping with.
This whole ordeal has gone completely out of hand.
Should I be worried that he has cone crazy and mad over this ex?
@AutumnLeaves65,
You should worry that you are involved with an asshole.
@ehBeth,
You're right I should be. I am thinking about ending things with him. I'm sorry I just feel like he has this unhealthy obsession with the ex that I can't get passed. he's been a real piece of work. I can't help but to feel bad for the ex...and of course... myself.
@AutumnLeaves65,
Just an update...
We are still together, but I found out about 2 weeks ago that he called the ex to apologize for how he talked to her . Then she later called to apologize for her part in all of the drama. I was so hurt and betrayed by her. I let her know that he told me. He let me know of the conversation that he had with her because he didn't want to keep any secrets from me. I just didn't understand why she had to contact him, though he didn't want to keep any secrets, her calling him to apologized for her part in the drama, only caused problems with us. I felt as if she was just wanting him to have her on the mind or something. I just can't believe her.
@AutumnLeaves65,
He's not innocent in this. Don't put all the blame on her.
@jespah,
What bothers me is I thought she was a friend to me. She made it seem like it was a "harmless" conversation. Why did she have to call to apologize? I just wish she never contacted him. I told her to not contact him again. Ieven told her that I thought she was trying to get him to think about her.
I guess I just need to know if it appears that he cares more about me now than he does the ex...
@AutumnLeaves65,
AutumnLeaves65 wrote:
We are still together, but I found out about 2 weeks ago that he called the ex to apologize for how he talked to her .
don't worry about what the ex does
focus on what your so-called boyfriend is doing
the guy is still attached to his ex
you either have to learn to accept that or you have to move on
@ehBeth,
You really think he's still attached to the ex?
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