Affair ended suddenly... feeling angry and hurt

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I'm looking for advice from those who have been in a similar situation. I'm also prepared for a bashing!

I recently had an affair/fling (whatever you want to call it) with a guy I know through work. Thankfully, he doesn't work for the same company.

I'm married with kids (he knows this), he's single and got kids from a previous relationship.

In the beginning, it was him who pursued me. We have a lot in common and things we're going well until all of a sudden he went really cold. He stopped contacting me and whenever I contacted him he was very abrupt. Now he doesn't reply to me at all.

I'm really sad, angry and hurt that he could just drop me like that without saying anything. I think I'm also annoyed because it didn't end how I wanted it to and was out of my control. Every time I think about texting him to find out why, I manage to talk myself out of it.

I love my husband and I don't plan on telling him about the relationship, but I can't stop thinking about the other guy.

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[+3] - ehBeth - 01/04/2017What could he possibly say that would make it better? that you were a bad ****? that he found someone he likes better? that he's fallen in love with someone else? that he was just over...

Most likely he found another woman - one that isn't married.

I don't believe that it was "all of a sudden" he dropped out of your life.

Think about it. It was doomed from the start.

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@Happylife1416,

Happylife1416 wrote:

I think I'm also annoyed because it didn't end how I wanted it to and was out of my control.

not much fun is it

___

time to block all contact options with him that don't directly interfere with your ability to do your job

consider speaking to a counsellor about what's happened with your marriage/family that allowed you to be vulnerable to an affair

be prepared to find out that your marriage is already over

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@PUNKEY,

You're probably right...

I know the relationship was never going to go anywhere, but it still hurts

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@ehBeth,

I don't need to speak to him directly at work so that won't be an issue.

I don't plan on telling my husband about the relationship. I don't see the point in hurting him. If he finds out, then I'll tell him the truth.

I just wish he'd tell me why, I think it would help me to move on...

1 Reply

@Happylife1416,

What could he possibly say that would make it better? that you were a bad ****? that he found someone he likes better? that he's fallen in love with someone else? that he was just over you/bored? there's really nothing positive he could truthfully tell you

Talk to a counsellor about what's going on with you that made you get involved with someone else. You were apparently vulnerable to his advances for some reason. Best to sort that out - whether or not the marriage continues. Maybe you need to talk to your husband about what's missing in your marital relationship. You need someone to talk to about this in real life (not a friend).

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Are you speaking from experience?

Well if it was any one of those reasons, I'd rather know.

I know I'll get over it in time.

1 Reply

@Happylife1416,

Happylife1416 wrote:

Well if it was any one of those reasons, I'd rather know.

what positive reason do you think he'd give you for ghosting you?

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How about this: he's single and doesn't want to be involved any longer with a married woman with children. He found someone else who has the same life goals as he does, or is looking for that.

He's a coward and could not tell you all this so he just bolted, since, - while he probably "loved" you and the sex - he wanted to get what HE needed. That's how he really is, only you didn't see it all this time.

Take it as a memory, and move on.

BTW - this all says something about your marriage. What's going on there that you sought romance with someone who could never really be there for you?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Thanks. You're right. It's for the best and it was never going to go anywhere.

Yes, it definitely does... that I'm not happy

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@Happylife1416,

Quote:

I love my husband and I don't plan on telling him about the relationship, but I can't stop thinking about the other guy.

Think of this as an opportunity to ponder the reasons why you and millions of others end up in this situation so frowned on by society.

Look beyond your bruised and battered ego, you might find something very worthwhile

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@Happylife1416,

from experience, I have to tell you....
all affairs are fantasy. there isn't much reality in it, b/c all you're focusing on is the chemistry. which leads to sex which leads to emotions...

you may be happy with your husband, but there's something definitely missing. Not in a permanent way, but something that needs to be looked into, b/c this guy obviously gave you a fix that you aren't getting or getting enough in your marriage. it doesn't mean your marriage is doomed, but unless you figure out what it is and work with your hub to figure this out, you'll end up being dissatisfied or worse subject to being vulnerable to the next guy who gives you this fix.

good luck to you, though i'm hoping by now, you're over it and moved well past.

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