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Wed 21 Dec, 2016 02:20 am
Okay, so, I'm 12, almost 13, and, you're probably going to think this is weird, my crush is 16 1/2. I have had a crush on him since I was literally 5 years old. I can't tell anyone because my mom is super awkward about this kind of thing, and, surprise, my best friend is his little sister. Yay. I didn't even know what a crush was when I was 5, but somehow, I just... Loved him, I guess. Our families kind of lost contact, and I thought I got over him... But then we started hanging out again, and he was one of the first people I saw, I hadn't seen him for so long, and it all came rushing back. And now he's even cuter, plus he's really muscular and athletic. I mean, I thought about it, and I guess someday when we're both older, we could be together, but what I want is like... I don't know how to explain it, I guess I wish he was my age. Sometimes I think that maybe he likes me back a little bit, a few time I've caught him looking at me, I think, and ever since I can remember he's always treated me, I don't know, special. I just not sure if that's how he treats all girls that aren't related to him. I'm just really confused, and I don't know if I can handle silently crushing on him for at least 7 1/2 years. I know, a lot of girl my age have crushes on people that are older than them, but I feel like this is more than just a crush, I love him. I'm sorry that was so long, I just have all that bottled up in me, and I had to let it out. P.S please don't answer anything like "you should tell your mom" or "get over it".
@Stacywhite435,
You won't crush on him for 7 1/2 years.
Instead, talk to your classmates. Girls, boys, it doesn't matter. Make more friends in your peer group. You may find yourself crushing on other boys, or not. Either way, don't put all your crush eggs into one basket. If you obsess over one person, that's not going to be good for you.
@Stacywhite435,
Don't forget to ask your mother...
@jespah,
I already have been crushing on him for 7 1/2 years
I'm homeschooled, so I don't really get a lot of chances to socialize. I only know 2 boys that aren't related to me, and I'm already friends with the few girls I know. I was trying to ask how to get over him, but thank you for the advice.
@Miller,
Thank you that was very helpful and is also probably in my top 3 fears.
So he is only 3 years older than you? That's nothing to be worried about. Try and tell him you have a crush on him. Or make him understand in some other way. Holding hands would work.
@Olivier5,
Actually it is 4 years (12.5 and 16.5). That seems like a big age difference to me. An 18 year old and a 14 year old (which is where this would go) is statutory rape in many states.
The danger is that in your teen years you grow up fast. A 16 year old can drive a car, work at a job... they have more and more privileges that a 12 year old doesn't have. He will be able to go to parties that you won't be able to go to. He will be able to stay out later than you will. How will you handle the jealousy, or how will you react if he wants to do something you aren't ready for?
In your teen years, relationships are much better if the two people are both in the same place in life. They can grow together, go out together and try out new things together. With a guy 4 years older, you will do none of these things together.
Sometimes it is best to not act on crushes. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy, but a relationship between a 16 year old and a 12 year old might end up hurting the 12 year old.
Love always hurts, at some point or another. You guys overthink these things.
@Olivier5,
That isn't even true Olivier. And, even if it were... it would be no reason to jump into a potentially hurtful relationship.
@maxdancona,
Of course it's true. Like riding horse hurts, or swiming is tiring. But no pain no gain. You Americans always look at the dark side of these things, and at the dark side only.
Anyway, he probably already knows she crushes on him. Little girls are easy to read.
@maxdancona,
Yes, I know that, that's my problem, I know that. His dad is 4 years older than his mom, btw.
@maxdancona,
No offense, but I'm not stupid, I wouldn't jump into anything. And even if I did, he's a Christian and he's a good guy, he would never hurt me.
@Stacywhite435,
Stacywhite435 wrote:I'm homeschooled, so I don't really get a lot of chances to socialize.
Does this mean you are home and isolated seven days a week? do you not do activities with other homeschooled children? that's very common in the homeschooling community.
Can you ask to join the regular public school community when you're ready to go to high school?
@ehBeth,
To answer your first question, I basically stay home, and maybe once a week I go to the park or the store. I had a few homeschooled friends, but we moved about a month ago, and I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving. I'm going to public school next year.
@Olivier5,
I'm American, and I always try to look at the bright side of things. I was really obvious about my crush on him when I was little, but I make sure to hide it now.
@Stacywhite435,
I suspect that once you're able to spend time with a bigger group of people, you'll find more people to be interested with.
Would your parents object if you joined a/some local clubs til you move into the public school system?
@Stacywhite435,
Quote:Yes, I know that, that's my problem, I know that. His dad is 4 years older than his mom, btw.
A four year age difference means nothing when you are in your mid twenties our higher. A 24 year old is in the same place in life as a 28 year old. They are both adults, both have finished school, both have jobs... etc. etc.
A four year age difference when you are a teenager is much bigger deal... if one of you can work and go to parties and drink, and the other is still living at home, can't work and is in school.
I hope you can see the difference. Dating a 17 year old when you are 13 is a big difference in freedom and responsibility.
Stacywhite435 wrote:
No offense, but I'm not stupid, I wouldn't jump into anything. And even if I did, he's a Christian and he's a good guy, he would never hurt me.
This is a mistake. And if the fact he is Christian makes you blind, it can be a dangerous mistake.
It is a fact that some Christian men; that is men who have accepted Jesus as their savior, go to church every week and read their Bible, are abusive. I have personally know two cases of God-fearing, church-going men who have abused their wives. That fact that they were Christian made things more difficult because it added an additional level of (unjust) guilt to the victim.
Many Christian men are great, caring, partners. Some do not. Do not let the word "Christian" keep you from making good decisions.
But the main point is, being a teen in a romantic relationship with someone 4 years older can be a mistake because any relationship where the two people are at very different points of life (and at 13 you are very different then you will be at 17), there is a risk of something unhealthy.
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:
Little girls are easy to read.
Oh....Are you sure, you want to say something like that? Easy to "read"...Doesn't that sound a little weird? Something like in the essence of a criminal activity....Get my drift, old man?
@maxdancona,
Okay, first of all, I never actually said that I wanted to have a relationship with him now, I meant when we were older.
@Stacywhite435,
Sure. It may be that in 10 years you will find that you and this guy will be at a place where you are right for each other. My advice is to not wall yourself off for those 10 years.
Your teen years are a time of exploring relationships. You should have a couple of boyfriends so you can learn what it means to be in respectful relationships; how to talk, how to work through differences, how to care for each other. These are all skills that we need to develop.
Leave yourself open to what relationships come along. You are allowed to have a few relationships in your teens, these years aren't a time to make long term commitments. Make sure that your relationships are healthy and respectful, but give yourself some space to explore and learn. And, remember dating is supposed to be fun.
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