Am I being led on an what should I do? (long post)

Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 12:47 pm
So I met this girl about 4 months ago by doing this 4-week activity course. Over this course, I got to know her as a person and even flirted a bit. I remember her being all over me during the last 3 weeks of the course and she stuck to me like glue almost the entire time. I also got her number and we spoke to each other every day ever since the course.

After the course had finished, I and her and a group of friends went ice skating. She showed me the same level of affection as she had on the 4-week course and had we even held hands during the ice skating. After I’d finished ice skating , I became attracted to her. I've never liked someone like that before and I was scared to ask her out on a date.

So instead I asked if she'd want to go to the cinema with me. She said yes and we went. Unfortunately, I didn't classify this as a date and when we were there she wasn't as attached to me as she had been before, which left me questioning whether she still liked me.

A few days afterwards I messaged her over text whether she wanted to go on a date. I did it over text to give her time to respond. She saw the message and didn't respond for over 6 hours. Finally, she messaged me saying that she couldn't go but could the week after. So I waited and 5 days before the date was due, I messaged her to ask if she could still come. She said she couldn't due to it being her wedding anniversary and went on to say that she'd tell me the next time she was available.

I was waiting for 2 weeks and I got no response. So I decided to message her about it. When I messaged her, she said she thought I was mad and she'd "messed up" because she couldn't make it to the others and that we should go sometime.

After that conversation we went on the date, we held hands but never kissed. We went on a couple more and I still didn’t feel like she was showing me the same level of affection as she was in the first few weeks I met her. Also, we did things outside of our dates with our friendship group yet she still didn’t receive the same level of affection as I did in the past.

A few weeks went by and more than one of her friends said she’d been talking to me and saying things like “it’s inevitable I’ll end up with him” and she said she would even kiss me for a dare at this party we had planned.

I asked her out on one final date after hearing these things and she agreed to go. We went ices skating again during the skate things were kind of awkward, she was ill and very unresponsive. At the end, I decided to get it over with and told her how I felt about her. She was surprised and said she needed time to think and that her relationships in the past had never worked out.

Because I and her have the same friends, I told one of them what her response was to my question. They went furious and said “How dare she do that to you after saying all those things at school about you” she then decided to tell the rest of our friends about what she’d said to me and she also left all the group chat’s we had to send her a message.

I then went back to the girl I’d been dating and told her that the group was mad at her and I didn’t know why. I then asked if she’d thought about what I said. She then phoned me and said she wanted to try but she wanted to take it slow because of the people she dated in the past. I asked her if her decision to date me was influenced by the response by the others and she replied with “no”.

After that conversation, I didn’t see her for an entire week and she was rarely messaging me. I asked if we could talk and asked if she’d made the right decision to be with me and if the others had affected her decision. She responded and said she thought everyone else was too involved and that we should stop before the relationship breaks down and before she loses me and said it was best if we remained friends. I was heartbroken and confused… All the things she had done leading up to this point and her actions towards me and what her friends had been saying about me and she had lead me to believe there was something more.

What was worse was that she’d actually been seeing another guy but not actually dating him, she only ever saw him at the six forms she was at while I was at college. I found out that they’d kissed while she’d been dating me. She did this a week prior to our final date but took the kiss badly. She said that she had “more passionate kisses with her mum than with him” and she said she was “bored with him”. He eventually went up to her to end things between them the day after my date with her.

Now 3 weeks after this I was willing to accept that we were friends but I found out she was already going on a date with a guy she didn’t even know. I said in a Skype group chat how much of a **** she was. My reasoning for this was because she’d been messaging me flirting with me and telling me how hot after saying she was my friend and while at the same time.

After saying this about her, one of our friends then told her what I said, she was mad at me and I had to explain what I thought about the whole thing. She said she wasn’t going on the date because it was too soon and that she understood what I meant.

A few days after we have another party, she was all over me again after saying we were friends. And was even more intimate with me than on that 4-week trip I mentioned earlier. She picked a dare out the hat which was 7 minutes in heaven. We went into a private room. At this point, I was completely wrecked and I was too tired to do anything with her (even kiss). I just said I was too tired and told her to give me an hour. I drank loads of water to sober myself up, and just sat in a chair on one side of the room. She then sat next to my friend and my friend was completely smashed as well. He started to say how big his dick was and started to feel her hair. I was so mad. I got up out the chair and started to hurt him (not hit him) I was basically just touching him saying how pretty he was and that I would just love to have him.

He just responded with “I love my Joe” (not my real name). People then told me to get off him because they said I was hurting him. After this whole drama, I talked to her. I said how she was acting towards me was hurting me and that she shouldn’t have been doing what she’d been doing to Luke. I said she shouldn’t talk to me and she should stop messaging me. She just started to cry and said that she doesn’t deserve me because she keeps hurting me so much and that she didn’t want to stop seeing me.

Just two days after, I couldn’t keep my promise. I went to her again and said that my decision to cut her out was rash and that it was unfair on both of us. And I asked whether there was still anything between us.

She said quote “U don't know how happy I am that u don't want to cut me out of ur life!!!!!!!!!! And in how I was acting with u was messed up and confusing but I was just so happy that u no longer hated me and u are one of the people I'm closest too which is why I followed u around lots and with alcohol mixed in I just lost control so I'm sorry for sending u mixed messages “ She also said after I asked her to confirm there was nothing “I'm always gonna like u joe but u deserve better and I want us to just be friends so I can stop hurting u so much I hate hurting u! “

I’m so confused right now and I don’t know what to do. Is she seriously saying all the things we did together and all the stuff we did was all for nothing and it didn’t mean anything in that way?

I feel lead on, and I don’t know what to do. My question is am I being lead on? And what should I do now? (Sorry for the long post)
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 577 • Replies: 11

Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 12:57 pm
Even if you are, so what? Neither of you sound that interested in each other if you go around calling each other nasty juvenile names.
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 02:07 pm
I know what I said was wrong and at the time I was drunk and that's not what I meant to say. She's never said anything like that about me.

I really do like her more than anyone else I've ever met, but I just feel like some sort of object she picks up for a time, and then drops to go play with another thing and it really makes me upset.
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Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 02:08 pm
She even said that she was herself after I talked to her about it. (I'm not condoning what I said)

Plus the reason I said that is because she was dating another guy (she didn't even know) a week after she said we should just stay friends. This made me feel like all the dates we'd ever been on meant nothing and it was a way she could get attention from someone.
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 02:46 pm
Then dump her ass.

Stop pursuing someone who, as you (probably) rightly are assuming only is interested when she's bored.

You have better things to do than that.
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 03:17 pm
Well, the thing is that I can't quite tell. I mean sometime's I think she is interested in me because she wouldn't have stuck around so long. But again, I'm unsure at times.

For example, she went on a date with me, while at the same time talking to another guy. BUT! at the same time she said "it's inevitable I'll be with him". See what I mean. It's messing with my head and our friendship group is practically the same. So I can't fully cut her out.
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2016 05:18 pm
Yes, you can stop with the wishing. Why would that mean you can't keep your friends?

Lots of us here have had pal groups that lasted some amount of time, either mixed gender or single gender, but, at least in my experience, the women I knew in SAG (smartass group) had plenty of other friends and interesting lives even while we were quite young. It's nice to be accepted if you started out not being popular, but group acceptance can also be dimwitted.

Consider developing your own interests, look around.
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Reply Wed 30 Nov, 2016 08:43 am
Drama, Drama, drama. It's all so exhausting!

If you two can't even date consistently, then forget it. She likes the chase and the excitement more than being with you.

PS WHY would you call a girl that name? Most girls would drop you like a rock.

May I ask your ages?
Reply Wed 30 Nov, 2016 03:29 pm
As I said I was drunk.

We used to date consistently, but on our last date I asked her out, she said yes, then a few days after I talked to her again and she said we should remain friends. THEN at this party we had, she was all over me and left me remaining confused.

And I'm 17 years old. And In usual circumstances, I would never use the word.
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Anonymous 83
Reply Wed 30 Nov, 2016 04:03 pm
So everyone has an opinion. She's just leading you on. I feel like you should just get your feelings completely out of it. Her mind changes as the time changes and she doesn't only want one piece of the cake. It's clear she just keeps reaLing you in and releasing to be sure she has your attention and your feelings. I would just go to her and be like listening. I care about you i want to be with you but we both know at the time on our life this is not going to happen at least not seriously. Let's just be friends with benefits which is what is really going to happen even if yall did give it an official name because your not the only person she is doing this to whether it's open with others or just her secret because everyone can be sneaky if we wanted just to get that feeling of want from someone. You sound like your young which is cool because you need to take this as a practice round. And realize that there will be a girl out there that can be consistent and not all over the place. If you were not at that party it would have been someone else a girl doesn't say she just wants to be friends to not hurt you unless she just wants you around when it's convienant for her. Have fun don't stress and just be honest with yourself and about her because I feel like deep down you already know the answer to your question it's just always good to get that reassurance from others!Smile I get it because I'm like that too. And maybe I did get too deep and I'm sorry lol. Just wanted to give my opinion .
Reply Tue 13 Dec, 2016 12:14 pm
@Anonymous 83,
Thank you so much! This has been hard for me because she's one of the only girls I've ever truly liked. But again, after looking at what she did, and looking at the comments on here, I've realised that I'm more of an object to her than an actual human being she likes spending her time with. She picks me up and plays with me when it suits her and then loses interest and drops me again completely disregarding how I feel.

And that makes me feel upset to find that these feelings I've had for her, actually meant nothing in the end, just a lesson to be learned.

So what I've decided to do is not talk to her for awhile or see her. It's good for me since it gives me space and I can really focus on me instead of her. For example, I've lost a stone because of how Sad boiz I've been over this whole thing, so I'm going to gain it back.

Again, this is very disappointing for me but it's quite clear that nothings going to come of it, I mean it's been 5 months and she said that she "Doesn't know"... Oh well. Time to move on and change paths instead of staying on this depressing one.
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Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 03:56 am
@Anonymous 83,
Can I ask you a question then? Yesterday she entered a relationship with someone on facebook. And so my question is, were you wrong about her and her wanting to keep people at arm's length. Because if she was how you suggested she is then why would she commit to a relationship?

Plus its only been 4 weeks since our last date and I'm not quite sure how she could meet someone this soon, considering that she has school and dance in weekdays; which means she only has weekends to see him.
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