she left me after 1,5 because Iam nt a men. help

We were together for 1.5 year. I never had relationships before I met her and she never had relationships with girls before she met me. She was 5 years older than me. I only had sex with a man ones and my whole life I was attracted to girls but I never had real sex and I was afraid to tell her that I’m really afraid of pain. I could not be honest because I was afraid she would think I’m immature (Im 27), I felt really insecure. we were hiding our relationships while living in dorms. That was very stressful and I could never feel totally relaxed. We never had real sex yet we were very passionate about eachoother and when we were making out she had orgasms. I never had an orgasm with her however I really enjoyed being close. Since the beginning of our relationships she told me that she is not sure if the love she has for me can be transmitted through relationshios and that she really misses men. Yet every night she would still come to my room and we would make out or just sleep together. Here and there she would say that our sex life is not enough for her. Even though she called me her partner and we were planning to live together and she was also saying that emotionally Iam the best lover she had.. Last months of our life together she became distant and a month after graduation she told me she needs to go her own path and she wants to have a normal family. She was very honest and she told me she is sincerely attracted to guys and needs penis. She want to have a husband and children but she want me as a friend. It broke my heart, I felt used and useless. And the worst thing I know I can never give her what she wants. Once she told me if only I was a man it would be so easy for us, we would get married without a doubt. And I know she really meant it. It’s been 3 months now. At first I decided to never talk to her again but the pain was so bad and I realised I can't stop loving her and I could see she was going through difficult times. I know she loves me as a sister. Now we talk as if nothing happened, we live in different countries. Iam still heartbroken and I don’t know how to deal with this pain and how to act with her because I still love her. Im hurt and whenever she talks about men or someone new she met or had a date with it breaks me into tears. My self esteem went down and Iam afraid of sex even more then before. Can anyone please suggest what I can do?


and please excuse my english.