I was out with a girlfriend one night and had a minor Freudian slip.
She asked me to pass the salt, and I meant to say, "certainly, dear", but what came out was, "I wish you were dead you blood-sucking harpy bitch."
Many times, right up until that moment.
I meant after...knucklehead
I now pronounce you...
A priest is sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look. The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached his distraught associate and asked him what was wrong.
"Well" the first priest said, "have you ever heard of a Freudian Slip?"
"No," said the other.
"Well" said the first, "it's when one slips and says something one is thinking usually when it is the least opportune time."
"Oh," said the third, "so, what happened."
"Well, today I performed a wedding, and you know the part when you say 'I now pronounce you man and wife'?" asked the
first.
"Yes?" said the second.
"Well that is what I meant to say, and what I actually said was, "I now sentence you to death."
BBB -- that reminds me of the man who went to see a self-proclaimed psychic and miracle worker.
"A few years ago I had a curse put upon me," the man told the seer. "Can you remove it?"
"Maybe," said the wizard. "Do you remember the exact words of the curse?"
"I think so," said the man. "It was, like, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'"
