Mother in law

It's very nice of your mother-in-law to give you gifts.

And unless you're looking to split community property, it kinda doesn't matter who gets the check.

Yeah, my mother treated my wife this way.

Now we don't see my mother very much, which I think is better for everyone.

All three excellent posts!

That's disingenuous (subliminal or conscious about your motive). Of course, you care. You went out of your way to create a new account on a web forum you've never been to before and write this whole thread asking opinions (to verify what you already believe or suspect) regarding this issue.

She gives you a gift and your complaining about the nature of the gift? You're looking for a reason to find fault it seems. Be grateful she considers you in this way. Perhaps there's some other reason to suspect her alienation of affection or how she treats you?

Bullshit. It's passive-agressive.

1) It's designed to put the wife in her place as a "non-blood relative"
2) It's designed to cause conflict between the husband and wife
3) It's designed to make the husband choose sides - his wife or his mother
4) It's designed to make the wife feel bad, and awkward


**** that. You're going to be an asshole to my wife? Keep your money. Sayonara, bitch.

My wife and I come as a set. If you treat her differently from how you treat me, then stuff it.

That's why I appreciate all the takes on it.

In ehBeths case, you can take the maybe road of returning the favor of passive aggressiveness. "oh what a Lovely Gift!" Really schmaltz it up, and watch MIL fume over her game gone awry.
If you're really vindictive, at future gatherings of family and friends you can blurut out "Oh! I forgot! I need to tell everyone about the great pair of pj's Edie got me for Christmas!. What a great gift!.

I wouldn't go that far, but it's fun to think about.

With jes, you can just shrug your shoulders, think "It all goes to the same place" and not think on it any further. Although honestly, I'd probably give the robe or pj's to Goodwill, so I wouldn't think about it whenever I saw them.

DrewDad, my mothers passive agressive personality tried to span across the near 2000 miles separating us. When husband and I went to my fathers funeral, she cornered him at one point so she could whine to him how she "just didn't undertaaaaaaand" why chai kept herself aloof to her and others in the family, and didn't he agree that she was hard to get along, God knows why, and couldn't he get her to just get along?

He and I had a good laugh later over that one, and the response he gave her.

tsar, I live your approach. Nothing like pointing out the elephant in the room, or that the Emperors naked, to liven up the party.

My take on it is that there is no obligation for anyone to give anyone else a gift, so any gift is a nice gift. I try not to layer anything else on top of that.

You gave me a gift? thank you, it was nice of you to do that.

I don't have the energy or inclination to compare it to what is given/not given to anyone else.

I agree and that is why I responded as I did. Life is just too short to play into someone else's possible pettiness and look for shaded meanings.

BTW, speaking on MIL's and gifts, just for laughs, here's a picture of the gift my first husbands mother gave us as a wedding gift. No kidding.

In addition, since she was a photographer, ex husband had given her $200 so she could get film and whatever else to take pictures (The wedding was a really big deal. we stood in front of a judge in Waukesha WI for 2 minutes, and signed some papers) A couple of months later, when we were visiting where she lived, she handed up some stained white picture album she must have picked up in a thrift store, with the pictures inside. She said "Here's your other wedding gift!"

Then she bragged how she only spent $40 for everything.

So I said "We gave you $200. Where's the change?"

I get that beth, but it does give the opportunity to have some fun.

We clearly have different ideas about what's fun.

That's true, but if you do give a gift, it says something.

In this case, the message is not "I care about you, so I put a lot of thought into what I picked out." Nor is it, "I value you as the mother of my grandchildren."

The message is clearly, "I would look really, really bad if I left you out completely, so here's a token gift."

Okay.

So everybody else receives cash, your husband shares that with you, meanwhile the lady got you an actual item such as a robe or pajamas- she thought enough of you to get you a personal item, the others she just tosses money at, doesn't put any thought into it. You rate high in her eyes.

My husband and his brother were well aware of their mother's oddness. They and I were sympatico with their dad (yes, even me, after a short time of his getting over the wretchedness of me being with their son.) I didn't hate the mother - it was all just a matter of dealing with her. I had a hard time with the christmas present that was a string of plastic strawberries, holding a straight face, being cheerful.

In retrospect, they gave their boys white socks for christmas every year, and the Arizona relatives gave flannel shirts. And that was all, according to the boys. So, the plastic strawberries weren't a direct insult. More of a depression era take on spending.

Yeah. So?

That is your take on it.

I'm sure we're both good not being in agreement.