Getting old. How has it affected your sense of who you are?

It was kind of interesting.
I have a doctor with whom I never exchanged a personal sentence. I trusted him and found he was the right person for me.
Then one day he told me I had to have a very big operation. Fine - off I went. Came back and met someone on the street who said "Oh one can see you have been on vacation!"
My attitude was then not to tell anybody about my operation - they would not believe anyway. Just some very very close friends.
So by speaking with a psychologist I could get rid of all the "dirt" which had been collected over the years. I could openly talk about things which had been difficult for me over some years. Things like my illness. It was like getting rid of carbage. Musictherapy was like getting in clean air.
Later I asked my doctor how come he could tell me to see a therapist when I never had really told him anything personal about myself. He said ...that is the reason, you just swollow everything and say yes.
When leaving I said" I am not doing it, but you deserve a big hug for being a nice doctor" So this young doctor comes over and gives me a hug.

That is a very encouraging story

A little suggestion re your anxiety.

Very ancient and well researched

Mindfulness is very calming. We zip about from thing to thing; there was a time as a young mother that I felt quite strongly I was always plagued by "what is next"-- that I was never present in my life, but always in some nervous anticipation to get it done and get to the next thing.

I've been happy to find mindfulness, and love to experience it sometimes mixed with gratitude in beautiful places. Resolving to practice more often and in unlovely places.

AGE·QUOD·AGIS
Do what you are doing.

I'd probably like it but I think I already do a lot of that naturally. I just don't like the word mindfulness itself.

Mindfulness has always, to me, been being sensitive to ones environment.
When I walk in the woods, I am mindful of air, life around me, the seasons, weather, and Im maybe hypersensitive wrt others abilities to see.

When I go into a city, Im overwhelmed by the cacophny and chaos.

I find, however, that city slickers are pretty much numbed down to here they tune out most everything.
Its my opinion that's why too many people get greased by cars in the city while theyre on their cells

Yeah. Maybe my eyes are a bit of luck - I have to pay attention walking, rather in the way you say you do walking the forest. I don't sing though, have quite the not good voice. Once I started studying landscape architecture and then working in it, I was always looking, beside the stumble worry. Sometimes I was looking at landscape from a painter's view. But.. I think I'll mention the kids on my block in Evanston: they knew what all the trees were, even young, and I got into it too. Another thing, I pay attention in cities too, thus my huge interest in italian piazzas over several years of both reading and going, ending up really liking the little ones of no major notice, as they were part of the city fabric. That's what's wrong with our damned stupid housing tracks here in Abq - we need some piazza life, people getting a coffee, getting the neighborhood news, sitting on benches, walking the dog, and so on. Sez me.

Anyway, I've noticed that I tend to look around a lot in contrast to others - not all others, just that I'm paying attention to what we are walking by, even if I've seen it 70 times before. There will be little differences.
A landscape friend and I were interested in what were called the Walk Streets, back in Venice. That neighborhood was changing with big houses coming in, so we photo'd the neighborhood over some weeks.. I won't go on and on, but it was very interesting...

The sensitivity to nature has disappeared to a certain extent with the last fashion of jogging and running. Walking in nature, whatever in a forrest, along the ocean or in a park seeing things, smell and hear I think would be much better than jogging and running not seeing, not hearing nor noticing things.
The only thing on the mind is \"my muscles\".

Yeah, but if you're jogging without earbuds and you are tuned into your
surroundings, it can be just as sensitive to nature as walking.

It takes a while to get into good enough condition to jog on "cruise-control".
Once you do, though, you can let your muscles do their job without their
demanding your constant attention.

I see saab's point and that may be true for some or even many - hard to judge people's personal interest. For me, it was as you said, George. I first jogged on my city block, but not so long later spent some of my lunch hours jogging Palisades Park in Santa Monica - that is a cliff side that has a complete view of the beach below and the Pacific Ocean; plus, the people in the park were interesting too, and there were also the palm trees... I painted three big paintings of that park area, this back in the seventies. In my memory, it was close to 4 miles back and forth. I never used the words "I ran". Jogging was enough effort for me, with plenty to look at.

However, I was a long time beach walker too, as we lived not so far away. Egads, I miss the beach.

I always liked the area at the waterfront and the boardqwalk at Santa Cruz. Wed go there, eat calamari and feed the seals.
Life was too busy to jog, I needed to slow down.,

Awareness of what is happening right now is an essence. The other key component seems to be the other aspect which is awareness of our constant stream of thought and emotion as simply temporary and ephemeral and not being caught up in them.

That disturbs me.....the constant earbuds, the nose in the phone even when walking. It feels as though nobody is actually in the here and now. Though I am sure listening to music can be very mindful.

I've never been interested in purchasing earbuds. So not me..
I suppose though that they can work well in family situations in people's homes.

I've only been in Santa Cruz a couple of times (pals lived in Felton). Not sure I saw the shore, though I saw other shores around there somewhere. What I remember was a terrific bookstore.

I just wrote a longish response to dlowan, not yet posted, and clicked off that instead of some other tab. I'm not used to tabs, still an unnecessary internet mode to me, while still glad to be here at all. Grrr, I guess at myself. I may be back to discuss. I'm off to spatchcock a chicken, luckily already passed away.

I'll reprise my tome tomorrow, not in the mood now. Or maybe I won't. In any case, I don't think I disagree with dlowan on most of it, with some unsureness going on, re how much you need to watch your mind's ass, what a life to sign up for, but I hate the mindfulness goo, for the word. The word recalls very ESTian, or similar group enthusiasms, of the sixties and seventies. She talks from professional knowledge and I don't. I go straight to repulsed, again re the word, not necessarily the details.

I have a very instinctive ick reaction to the term. I'm trying to work past it as some examples of it make sense but the word, the word, is a problem for me.