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Please help!! Am I expecting too much!??

 
 
iazz
 
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 04:05 pm
Okay so I been married for 16 years now and my husband and I have
3 happy kids together. I would say overall we are happy BUT unfortunately I sometimes feel as if he doesn't love me as much as I love him I honestly do everything I can to make him happy!!I am a stay at home mom and housewife, so I always try to cook nice foods, keep the house nice and clean and also take care of myself to always look nice and tidy for my other half!! My whole day pretty much revolves around providing and keeping my family happy and well taken care of. So anyway why do I feel not as much loved because first off our text msgs to each other could pretty much be read by anyone there's nothing romantic or private about them they're mostly straight forward like "coming home now" "are we out of milk?" and also the annoying "k"!! So yes he does act a lot like he cares and we do talk about everything pretty much but it's so hard to explain.. I just feel like the romance is missing :/ I mean he does help around the house in his free time and brings my favorite chocolate or snacks now and then.. like he does kiss me good bye though not good night only sometimes.. he does get in the mood for it and yes the sex is good but I like to also hug and cuddle but sadly it's hard for him to just hug or cuddle he says he can't control it and always ends up wanting more so we don't ever just cuddle which I really miss in the relationship. I understand it's not his fault but still I feel that it's not easy for me either to control my feelings when I just wish to cuddle :/ Also I always "dress up" for him like into a hot outfit or sexy lingere like every single time we do it I would say about 6 to 9 times a month that's about 2 times a week. So sorry for making this long but I just want to know if I'm exaggerating and if I should just appreciate what I have or do I have a right to whine over this at least to myself lol oh yes also he's not the" I love you" kind of guy I rarely get to hear those three little words and if I do it feels so awkward now cuz I'm not used to hearing them from him though I really wish to hear them so much more often if that makes sense lol anyway thank you for reading all my rambling!! Smile
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 04:23 pm
@iazz,
Well, as long as the "salt" is on the table, men don't worry about anything.
You're both settled into your roles and after 16 years of marriage it's hard to change. I think your husband has no clue in how you feel and unless you make the first move he won't initiate anything.

In other words you'll need to rattle his cage to get him to notice. Maybe you need a date night once a week, some weekend getaway, just some things out of the ordinary at least once a week. This way you get some adult time together and a change of the daily rat race.
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 04:24 pm
Please appreciate what you have.

Romance is ephemeral, an early stage. Yes, it can still show up in another form, but that is actually what you have.


I'm not disagreeing with Calamity Jane exactly; she has a good point. But, appreciate your present closeness.
0 Replies
 
XxSiCxX
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 04:38 pm
@iazz,
All I can offer you is my point of view. A lot of us guys are not taught how to love someone in a way that goes beyond just showing it. Saying it or writing it or things such as that are often hard and involve a new way of thinking.

Do you have a right to feel however you feel about something sure. I would ask you to think on this thought. Does he love you as best as he knows how and shows you it the best he knows how. If you say yes to those then you might want to think on it an not judge him over harshly.

Your texting and talking back and forth is a thing of pretty much everyone at some point. Outside looking in you both have likely become complacent with the way it is. Here's home, here's work, here's the daily life that is the world. That bleeds into everything every where with time.

Feel how you want to feel, love how you want to love. Remember that 16 years of the same person is a lot of time. It might not be burning the house down with passion but it is the willingness to stick out the hard times along with the good. Something that I would wager is far harder to find in this day and age than a fleeting moment of a pretty word.

If you want more out of each other push for it slowly. It takes time to lead a old horse to that field in another valley when he's happy with where he is.
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 04:43 pm
@XxSiCxX,
<agree, and I'm an older woman>
0 Replies
 
iazz
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2016 10:08 pm
Wooow thank you so much to everyone for even replying!! Honestly I never done something like this before but thought I'd give it a try..so this was actually my very first post on such a site. I was hesitating because I was a little afraid to only get immature advice by random kids or so lol but I truly appreciate every reply I received!! I guess that's just really all I needed, someone from the outside looking at the picture as a whole and confirming to me that it's all good. Thank you very much guys for your time and wise words!! It really helped me to understand and appreciate the things that I already have even more!!!! 😊
0 Replies
 
 

 
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