Unplanned pregnancy. Uncertain boyfriend. What now?

Welcome to a2k, first of all. I'll be back later.

You've got choices and you have to pick one.

Abortion. Maintain relationship.
Adoption. Maintain relationship.

Keep child. End relationship.


Don't expect your boyfriend to change his mind if you decide to continue the pregnancy and keep the child.

One option is adoption, but I think you will find that hard to go through with, given your earlier circumstance and feelings. Or, maybe.

I don't mean this as nasty, I understand the guy too, but losing the guy is a possibility to think about, as amazing relationships tend to turn out into real life regular. But then DNA testing and dad payments need to happen. The guy is dad. (I'm presuming you haven't been with others in the given timing - that would be another complexity). He has a right to inquire re all that.

Hi Kairalie,

Dating for 60 days, how far along pregnant are you then?

I think you need to go and discuss this professionally with someone, from the sounds of it you still have a bit of time to make a management decision on your life but remember, his too.

There are qualified people that will guide you to the pros and cons of your thinking and I believe, you will get the answer you personally need on this.

Unfortunately, if it means losing this man, it may not be forever, after all if you choose to have the baby, he will be in the babies life or should be in the babies life in any event.

I think it's too soon to determine how amazing he is.

Here is his first test in your relationship. He understandably uncertain, but how is really dealing with it all? Pressuring you to abort? Waiting for you to decide? Shouting? Calmly discussing the matter (even if it's not what you want to hear)? Withdrawing? Something else?

Decide if that's an argument/pressure style you want to live with, because you have a kind of gift here of seeing how he'll act when other hard events come up in life, whether it's moving to another country or pulling the plug on his terminally ill mother. I'm sorry if I'm sounding at all flip here (I'm not trying to). What I mean is: if he is being reasonable, even if his opinions are not welcome to you, then he probably is truly great. If he isn't, then remove him from your decision-making, because time and a lack of hormonal fuzziness (regardless of how your pregnancy ends) will help you to see what he is really like.

ehBeth laid out your options. Look at your first premise, that he is wonderful and you would love to hang onto him forever. Look objectively, as if you were, I dunno, looking at my relationship, me, a stranger on the Internet. And see what that does vis a vis your options.

To reply to a previous question asked. According to the online baby calculator thing, it starts from the first day of your last period, so based on that, I am 4 weeks. But in actuality I am probably only like 2 weeks or so.

Anyways, he is amazing. So far he hasn't been angry at all. When I first told him he was quiet but I simply assumed he was processing the news since I kinda dropped it on him. Nicely though. Afterwards we talked a little and then there hasn't been any real conversation since we are waiting to hear from the doc for ACTUAL medical confirmation. Although all 3 tests I've taken have been positive with insanely dark pink lines..

We've spoken briefly and the most common thing to be said is that it is too soon, which I do agree with on one hand but on another this may be the last chance I have to have another child. I don't want to force him into this situation and he already told me (right off the bat) that he didn't want to force me into anything either. This is going to end up being a huge compromise and sacrifice on both our parts with whatever decision is made. Either way though he hasn't yelled, hasn't withdrawn. He is still concerned a few times a day with how I am feeling and what I'm doing, so I know he cares. He still tells me he loves me so I don't really know what to think as to what he feels about the situation. And if anyone knows a Taurus male.. they know that they care stubborn and closed off until they wrap their heads around things.

We are hoping just for some more insight on what we should do.. I don't know. Maybe from someone who has been through something similar.

Based on this, whatever you decide, he does sound like a keeper.

That is just routine easy pinpointing, the way they chart stuff to ease figuring timing, should anyone know the exact timing. You get pregnant when you ovulate and egg meets a sperm, and that is rarely the day of your last period.

He does sound like a good person and I do hope it works out positively for all concerned.

He sounds lovely, I too hope everything works out for both of you regardless of decisions.

"We are hoping just for some more insight on what we should do."

"We"?

What makes you think THAT? Because from your post, he was pretty adamant about your relationship being too soon, much less HANDLE A NON PLANNED PREGNANCY.

Sixty days is not enough time for you two to bond, much less be hit with the idea of parenthood.

FIRST you need to confirm the pregnancy. Then you should talk about what kind of obligations you BOTH have for this child.

(I am thinking about if my son got into this predicament. No way would I encourage him to make any kind of commitment, except to the child. And I would encourage him to establish paternity, too.)

that's actually not the case

there are three living people to consider. Your daughter first, then you and your current boyfriend.

if you have an abortion, it could be easier/better for at least one of you

if you choose to deliver and put the child up for adoption, it could be easier/better for at least one of you


What will be best for your daughter? I think that is the #1 thing to evaluate - all the way through to your ability to pay for post secondary education for more than one child.


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I hope that whatever else is happening, that you are talking very seriously about the responsibility both of you have for birth control.

Yes 'we'
He's already told me he wont be going anywhere no matter the decision so now we're simply looking for more advice and information on a path to choose that will be the best for everyone involved.

He still thinks it is really soon, and so do I but there isn't much I can do about that right now. It happened, now we need to figure out what to do.

Pregnancy was confirmed on Friday, and paternity is his. We both know that as I haven't been with anyone else. We haven't really been apart long enough for that to have happened anyways. Longest we were apart in the last 2 months is 4 days, and I was with my parents those days so.. No chance it's someone else's. But I do understand where you are coming from in wanting your son to have that checked if this happened to him.

I just wanted to let everyone know that we both decided to keep the baby and take it one step at a time.

I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read and reply and give whatever insight they could. It really did aid us in making a decision as well as more information from the doctor and a few others. So thank you very much