am I overreacting

Why don't you just put a collar around his neck and a leash so you can really control his movements?

It's none of your business, and he didn't need to consult with you. He's a grown man.

My thoughts?

You are in your 50's, me too.
Second marriage. Me too.
Husband still connect with the Mother of his Children.
Mine to.

I am happy. I have trust. You don't.

Why is that?

Also no offence but she has chosen not to have a car? I don't think anyone chooses something like that, it's a great thing to have in life, regardless of cost.

I think he is right as well. "He won't stop offering" she has lost her job, has no car, is his ex, Mother of his Children and possibly over you being so clingy and jealous. That's not what a marriage is about.

Accept it.

I'd feel pretty bad if my partner felt he needed to make arrangements about anything behind my back. I'd be asking myself why/how I'd put him in that position.

Your husband chose to marry you for some reason. Think about that.

I think you should be happy that you are married to a kind, generous man who has a decent relationship with his ex-wife.

Okay, I think I got it. After sitting here and reading-rereading your responses I believe I understand now. When I get home at night from my long 12 hour day at work and he says "how was your day", "what did you do"? my response should be "what! do I have a leash around my neck? I left home this morning and its now 830pm and I managed to make my way back home. I'm a grown woman and what I do with my life is no ones business". "Stop being so clingy and mind your own business". "I was at work and now I'm not that's all you need to know". Then I pay the mortgage, tidy the house, fall in to bed exhausted but still put out a fabulous sexual experience (for him at least) and get up at 5 AM to do it all over again. No wonder this is my second marriage. I ruined the first one and now I have ruined this on by thinking that marriage meant that two people shared things and thoughts and consulted with the other before making a decision that might affect the other. I'll try it your way. There are 4 rooms in our home that look like a horrder lives in them. I've been patiently waiting 3 months now for him to clean up. I better not mention how this is beginning to bother me. It's his house too and as always I am the one that sacrifices.

Judging from your reaction, overreacting permeates your existence.

You appear to be a very bitter person, who is apparantly on a mission to make your spouse just as miserable.

Good luck with that.

Okay, I think I got it.

So, you work 12hrs a day.
Three rooms are like a bomb hit it and they are all his stuff, he leaves it.
You make sure even though you are tired to give him intimacy.
You pay the mortgage.
You always sacrifice he doesn't.


So......... he's not pulling his weight. He is not contributing enough financially. He doesn't initiate intimacy. He does what ever he wants, when he wants and probably gets fed as well and his washing and ironing all done, all the while you work 12hrs a day.


Have you sat down and discussed all of this with him rationally?

Sounds as if you feel you do everything, he does nothing and you feel that he's straying and you are feeling used.

We can only go off what you write.

Sounds as if the first post and second are vents now, there is a lot of frustration and things on your mind.

You seem on fire with reaction. I'm not always pro counseling as perfect (I've had several counselor friends and I know their lives.)

But, I recommend that you and a counselor get talking. Meanwhile, I am agreeing with found soul.

None of those things are a reason for your husband not to be friendly with his ex-wife.

Your problem isn't about that.