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Mon 19 Sep, 2016 10:45 am
So, a new woman in my life. She's 42. Divorced with grown children. So, we met for lunch a couple of times in June and things have gone along well for three months. We had coffee and lunch a few times. We both agreed that we are not looking for marriage. She came over and watched movies. We ended up having sex a few times. It is friends with privileges. This last weekend, I took her out on a formal date. Went to dinner and the symphony. We communicate (talk/text) all the time. Sometimes, the sex happens, sometimes not. Kissing and long hugs all the time--she says that she could get addicted to my lips! LOL Sometimes she spends the night with me. This is so much better than the last gf. Mentally freeing. No questions here. Just a follow up!
@jim 1968,
Well thanks Jim, there's hope for us old fellas
@dalehileman,
I have hope too! Been married for over 50 years.
Okay, so an update and question. I am still dating the New Woman. Six months. Yes, we have developed a physical relationship. I have taken her out to three or four events...symphony, private dinners. Now, she says that she loves me. She has said it a few times. I am not ready to say "I love you." I enjoy her companionship. In fact, that was exactly what both of said when we began our relationship: romantic companionship was our goal. Now, she's doing this "I love you" stuff and, frankly, it violates the original intent. She's been married three times and I have never been married and would be very leery of falling head over heels in love without using my brain and making sure I knew who she was completely, which takes time...lots of time. If she keeps this up, she'll scare me off because it too sudden and too demanding of a particular response. I don't think it is fair to me that she does that. What are your thoughts?
@jim 1968,
You make it sound as though that original intent was a written contract. It really sounds like a great relationship, but relationships evolve whether you do or not.
@roger,
So, by not saying it back to her, though....I have ended it, right? Because I am not at the same place as her, then that's it. Or am I wrong about that?
@jim 1968,
Now, I have no clue about that. We are talking about a woman. It's likely to have to go her way eventually. I can understand not wanting to ruin one good relationship to begin another, but if you can't move forward with her, it will probably end sooner or later.
@jim 1968,
42 years old and has been married three times. Sounds a bit like a "seven year itch"
Sometihing else if she is a widow.
I would be careful and would prefer a nice relationship and see how things work out over the next couple of years.
Yup - some kind of baggage (3 marriages). Did she mention what went wrong? (I dated a guy who made immature, rebound, and loneliness mistakes 5 times!)
Don't feel bad about not professing your "I love you" but it might be wise to be sure you express admiration for her behavior, manner or looks once in a while. ie "i really like your eyes. You are so pretty. " or "you are so loving. Thank you for your affection"
This might appease her for a while.
BTW - If you REALLY did love her, the words would come easy. So your hesitancy says something about the relationship.
@jim 1968,
jim 1968 wrote: I am not ready to say "I love you." I enjoy her companionship. In fact, that was exactly what both of said when we began our relationship: romantic companionship was our goal. Now, she's doing this "I love you" stuff and, frankly, it violates the original intent.
What are your thoughts?
I think you need to relax.
She says she loves you. You're not ready to say it. I don't think it's a big deal either way.
Try to enjoy dating.
You're old enough to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable when she says that she loves you. If it bugs you, tell her. Relationships, whether casual dating or something more serious, need communication. It doesn't have to be a major sit-down-conversation.
@ehBeth,
Excellent advice. Much appreciated! Sorry it took so long to reply, but I have been in bed with a tweaked back muscle. Ohh, the pain!! Much better today, but I will never forget that pain and the inability to stand up. It is things like that which remind me of how small the other issues in life truly are...good health is so important. Have an excellent holiday and a Happy New Year!
@jim 1968,
What has been nice in a way is that we have just spent the holidays either calling or texting due to conflicting work and social(family) schedules...the lack of physical presence and physical love for about two weeks unclouds things for me and I think for her, too. Just enjoy what we have and see where it takes us. I'll see her on New Year's Day for a social gathering and that should be fun.
@jim 1968,
jim 1968 wrote:
So, a new woman in my life. She's 42. Divorced with grown children. So, we met for lunch a couple of times in June and things have gone along well for three months. We had coffee and lunch a few times. We both agreed that we are not looking for marriage. She came over and watched movies. We ended up having sex a few times. It is friends with privileges. This last weekend, I took her out on a formal date. Went to dinner and the symphony. We communicate (talk/text) all the time. Sometimes, the sex happens, sometimes not. Kissing and long hugs all the time--she says that she could get addicted to my lips! LOL Sometimes she spends the night with me. This is so much better than the last gf. Mentally freeing. No questions here. Just a follow up!
Sounds good Jim. Happy for you.
@jim 1968,
Happy New Year Jim. Hopefully your back continues to improve.
Have a great 2017
@ehBeth,
ehBeth, Happy New Year to you, too!
EhaBeth = voice of reason.
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