Thu 15 Sep, 2016 03:41 am
My professor demands that this introduction thesis to my essay needs to be shortened to 2 sentences and also it needs to be more "focused" on what I am arguing for. My introduction is as follows:
Despite what society believes, every form of violence cannot be credited to a solitary element for its causes are multifaceted and occur at diverse levels. This is a mutual theme amid the short essays of George Orwell and Johnathan Swift who both name multiple perpetrators as the cause for violence. It is wrong to think that we can blame violence on subjects as simple as government apathy, militancy, or political turmoil. The unequivocal truth is that these 3 areas and further must be fixed at the same time.
Start by cutting the Orwell/Swift sentence outright. You can add your supporting information later in the essay. Your first sentence runs on; try clipping it after the word element
I can't cut the Orwell and Swift sentence out. It is part of the essay requirements that I include the names of the authors that I am choosing to do the essay on. The full description of the essay requirements is: "Violence Vanquished" "Shooting an Elephant" and "A Modest Proposal" all address violence on some level. Based on these readings choose an argument in favor of the source of violence based on these 3 essays and only 1 or 2 outside sources. The essay must be between 4-5 pages in length.
So, basically my essay has to include at least 2 of those readings and the introduction paragraph has to explicitly state which authors I'm choosing. I am not allowed to use quotes in the first paragraph. And I may not use second or third person at all.
Then I would clip after the second sentence and put the other two into a more supporting part of the paper. What a weird requirement, to limit you to two introductory sentences. Basically all that teaches you is how to write a run-on sentence.
Despite common belief, not every form of violence can be credited to a solitary element simple as apathy, militancy, or politics, because according to George Orwell and Jonathan Swift its causes are multifaceted, occurring at diverse levels simultaneously
Thanks, that's exactly what I need.