Is this acceptable behavior?

I am a single mother of a 5 year old. I am in my early forties and have only been single for about a year after a 12 year marriage . I decided to go back to school to get an advanced degree and also started working in fine dining a few evenings. The thought of finding time to date or meet anyone seemed impossible. Well one night after work I was having a glass of wine and ran into a frequent customer , long story short we started dating.He was in his late fifties and had a busy practice so the relationship moved slow.He made it very clear that he did not want to remarry or have another family due to a bad experience with divorce/child custody.Well about 8 months into the relationship I was shocked to learn I was pregnant.Needless to say he took a pretty resolute stand against it and said I would be on my own if I decided to keep it, and that he was sorry it had to end this way. I told him if it was about money than I would do my best to involve him as little as possible. He assured me that the reason was that it was not smart at our age and even if we were married he would still chose to terminate. Being in the medical field he filled my mind with all of the terrifying scenarios of what could happen to baby and I. After much deliberation I knew I had to receive this pregnancy as a gift and embrace it as hard as it was to face being a single mother already. I worked as long as I could but about 8 months into the pregnancy I was unable to work and was really struggling to make ends meet. I contacted him to ask if he would help me with my bills for the 9th month so I didn't have to be under so much stress at 9 months pregnant. He agreed to help but told me that he was on anti-depressants and probably going to lose his practice because he can't sleep or focus. I almost felt guilty but at the same time I think he was having a victim mentality . Well I guess he thought twice because the help never came and he stopped responding to my calls.Fast forward , I survived ,and my beautiful baby is one month old. I did not expect him to come running with flowers but I guess I expected a man of his stature to have a little more integrity . To me if you wanted this outcome or not is besides the point, there are consequences to actions and we have to act accordingly.Now I feel like my life is a mess and hardly know how to start living again and I don't know how to feel toward the baby's father, one day I hate him and the next day I blame myself for getting to this place?.