WORSTESTEST literary opening lines EVER?

My vote goes to

It was a dark and stormy night, and I watched as rain slashed against the windows like shards of broken glass while the wind slammed the shutters making a sound as if the whole house was giving applause, and I wondered "What could possibly be worse than this?" when with trembling hands I reached forward and fearfully touched the remote to change the channel -- and it was Barney the Dinosaur...

At least that's what my book would open with...