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Help with a sentence for a song.

 
 
Reply Mon 4 Jul, 2016 03:24 pm
Hello everybody, I'm looking for some help here since I'm writing a song in English (my native language is Spanish) but I think there is sentence that doesn't quite fit, I mean it fit in tempo with the song but I'm not completely sure it means what I want it to mean.

So, if anybody can help me I would be really grateful.
The sentence is:

- That’s why I will pack my stuff and leave behind all you represent.

Now, I know it would be more understandable like this: and leave behind all THAT you represent, but the word 'that' doesn't fit with the tempo, so, just like that, it is understandable or not?

Thanks in advance for any help.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 900 • Replies: 5
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Jul, 2016 04:12 pm
@craftercool,
Yes, it is understandable and quite natural sounding.

Anyway, lyrics and poetry have wide latitude in wording and grammar.
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Jul, 2016 04:48 pm
@craftercool,
- That’s why I'll pack my stuff and leave your world behind.
One way to put it.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Jul, 2016 06:42 am
Try using this song to figure out your wording: less is more!

panzade
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Jul, 2016 09:04 am
@bobsal u1553115,
The late John Hartford, the author of this song was a wonderful lyricist. Good example.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Jul, 2016 09:52 am
@panzade,
Hartford had such a knack for making conversation lyrical and naturally so. I really miss him and his work. I enjoyed his participation in the "Brother Where Art Thou" concerts on PBS shortly before he passed.
0 Replies
 
 

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