Help! I think my step dad hates me ..

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Please help me! I don't know what to do!
Okay so, here's a little back story..
I am 21 I recently had to move back in with my parents do to financial problems, my step dad (who has been with my mom for 10+ years) is just recently retired from doing 21 years in the army. He wasn't around a whole lot, with being deployed & such.. Anyways, I feel like he hates me, he talks to me like I'm garbage, like I'm not human being with feelings. I haven't been the best I could be in life. But I'm only 21 years old, mistakes are to be made. **** happens. I just feel like I'm nothing to him.. I've even over heard him call me " a lazy piece of ****." To my mom. This is so hurtful. And this has been going on for YEARS. I feel like I'm the black sheep, I get treated differently than my siblings & everything. I feel like no matter what I do in life it would never be good enough for him. Which kills me because I think of him as more of a dad than my biological dad. (THATS A WHOLE OTHER STORY.) He has been in my life since I was about 9 years old, and he has basically spoken to me with that "**** you, you are nothing" attitude since I was in middle school. There are days that go by where we don't say one word to each other, there are other days where he says nothing but negative & hateful things to me, then there are days where he's the best dad I could ask for, those days are a rare occasion. I wish they weren't. I don't know what to do anymore.. I need advice before I cut him out of my life completely. I don't want it to have to come to that.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 711 • Replies: 13

@ODA1995,

I'm not much for advice, but maybe you could tell him this - on one of those days he's the best dad you could ask for. I'm hoping he just doesn't know how he is coming across to you

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@roger,

Trust me roger, we've had many discussions about it & he says he will change and fix things. And it's good for a day or two & it's right back to the old ways .. I've talked to him, my mom & now I'm asking for other peoples advice.. Nothing I've done thus far has done any good..

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@ODA1995,

I was afraid of that. We have some good people for advice, but you might have to wait for the daylight hours in North America.

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@roger,

Thank you roger. Hopefully I will wake up to something that I can use to help with the situation.. It just hurts.. Tonight was the night I heard him call me a lazy POS... I packed a bag & went walking.. I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving.. I just left..

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My advise would be to get a job as quickly as you can, if you don't already have one, save every penny you can and get your own place as soon as possible.

You're an adult.

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@chai2,

Thanks but .. That's not gonna fix the way he speaks to me. 👌

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@ODA1995,

I am thinking of his employment. It's regiment to the hilt, no room for anything but perfection, attention to detail.

It's possible that for some reason you may remind him of, him being told off, for instance for not making his bed right, simple things. There seems to be one person that is "like" a person to the extent that they tend to treat them bad.

You are an Adult, you stated sometimes he's the best Dad. One day, tell him, one day soon. "You know what? You have always been my Dad no matter what, I'm not perfect and I have no idea what you went through or saw but I love you and want you to know that".

Sometimes, it's "love" that conquers everything, you've nothing to loose. Perhaps he feels that you rebel, don't love him, perhaps he thinks you living at home instead of making it, he needs to give you tough love. Those that come from this background only know tough love.

So consider also what Chai said because she is making a point that can point to perhaps how he is thinking.

You also need to speak to your Mom. She is your Mom and sit down girl to girl and ask her to tell you why she accepts the way he speaks, why does he speak the way he speaks to you, what does she think you can do.

Also you don't question "why" she allows it? Why is that?

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@ODA1995,

ODA1995 wrote:

Thanks but .. That's not gonna fix the way he speaks to me. 👌

No, it's not.

He is an individual the same way you are. You can only control your actions, not his.

If you don't live in that house you won't be there for him to call you a POS.

Not everyone is going to like you in life. Get over it and concentrate on your own life.

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@FOUND SOUL,

She doesn't allow it .. But he does it anyways so they end up fighting. And I just want to say thank you and chai for the advice but I've been out on my own, example.. For the past two years I've been out on my own. He still speaks to me that way, when I come visit or at family functions. & what have you. So yes I do think I need to get back out there which I am in the process of doing I already have an apartment it's just not ready fore to move into yet. But that still isn't gonna change how he treats me. Now, is it? No. I don't think so.

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@ODA1995,

Is he specific about what he doesn't like about you or is it a general Oda's a pos statement?

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@ehBeth,

Not really specific.. That's what bothers me..

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@ODA1995,

Maybe once you're back out of your parents ' home you can try arranging to meet in a neutral place (coffee shop or something similar) and ask him what the specific problem is. If you were younger, I'd have suggested you ask your mother to set up family counselling for everyone.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Hopefully it won't be long until I am back out on my own. Thank you for the suggestion. I'm going to try that. Smile

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