Is my husband abusive ? and I am abusive as well? please help me.

I am an Indian female, 28yo, a software engineer by profession. I have been married for over a month now. I met my husband in Sept last year through a common friend, we talked a lot on phone and met a couple of times before he said he likes and wants to marry me, I was tired of dating losers and this guy seemed different, caring, sensitive, a good listener, well spoken, mature, from a family of high values. My family was already putting a lot of pressure on me for getting married, so I thought of saying a yes to this guy as he apparently seemed to have the qualities I wanted in my life partner. We soon got engaged in November's last week and moved in together by mid of December. Things were going pretty good till then, apart from a few arguments here and there. I am a short tempered person and he too is one himself. Eventually we started getting into horrible arguments where he would shout right in my face, on top of his lungs...I tried to control but a few times I too started yelling back. On two events in December I got so much so angry that I slapped him, he got verbally abusive then but didn't hit me back. I regretted a lot later, said sorry and decided to never get physically violent again. We spent next 20 days in peace and love. And then it happened again, this time he too hit me back, though not very hard. We again were ashamed of our actions and decided never to repeat them, and then 2 weeks later it happened again, this time he hit me back really hard and I ended up with bumps on my head. . Later after I said sorry and he calmed down, he made an apology for hurting me physically and we both promised to never do so again but He convinced me that I was responsible for fueling his anger to this extent . things went well for a while and our wedding date arrived, we got married in med of feb.
After things settled a little, I thought a lot , analyzed the past and realized that every-time I would hit him, was, not because of my anger but more because of the feeling of helplessness, I would want him to talk through to resolve an argument or a small bout, but on being shouted at, and not seeing him respecting my point of view, I would raise my hand so that it shifts the entire point of the fight to me attacking him physically, so that now I take the control of the situation with making , 'staying angry' or 'saying sorry' as my sole choices. I never hit him with an intention of hurting him, and that’s the reason my slaps to him were never very strong. I after having realized this I had promised myself of never hitting him no matter what, I stopped. But he did not.
A few days later again over something silly we got into arguments, he came and shouted bad in my face, to which I twisted his finger in rage and he beat me up bad, I ended up with bruises, In that moment he was not the guy I loved, he was a different person, the jolt of him throwing me on the floor was so strong that I felt my knee broke, I immediately pleaded him to take me to the hospital and he denied. He called my mom saying that he needs a divorce, my mom made him understand that what he and me did was wrong and that we should never repeat it no matter what, but divorce so soon is not the solution. He made a sincere apology, and I forgave (because somewhere I held myself responsible that I twisted his finger first, though lightly). Everything was good again and I thought this is the end of the nightmare.
But I was wrong, just yesterday, around a week after the previous incident, arguments happened, he cursed me, I has his headphones in my hand, he tried snatching it from me, I kept saying that just listen to me for a minute after that I’ll return your headphones, I am just holding it and not doing it any harm, but he got aggressive and started snatching it from me, I wasn’t leaving it and in that course it broke. He started beating me, pulled my hair , slapped me and punched me in my head, then he started hitting himself, lifted the chair and threw it on the floor, started swearing on me. I immediately left and went to my workplace. Last night after I went back, he said sorry but blamed me for fueling his anger to this extent, I have no clue how to proceed further, I am thinking of going to a psychiatrist or a counselor, he is otherwise a very sweet, caring and loving sort of a person, but when he is angry he is a different person, his heart pounds bad, he hurts me, beats me, swears on me, and wouldn’t care even if I’m dying, he loses his ability to see what is right and what is wrong. He is physically quite strong and I am well aware that the force with which he hits me impose a life threat . please help me understand what is really going on here.