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Please edit this short passage by a phd student

 
 
Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2016 12:59 am
The original passage by a medical doctoral student:
Quote:

today,i realize there were just 63 days to my phd examination. i feel a little bit confused, sometimes,i don’t know what can i to do,its become more and more difficult to be a doctor in china,especially,at present,it is becoming a high risk occupation in mainland,there are no dignity,status,let alone glory.i am not a pessimists,i also hope the condition would be changed in one day,but the reality gives me a heavy strike,perhaps,everything is wrong at the beginning.


I've given a try and hope to see yours:


This morning I realized that there are only 63 days left for my PhD dissertation defense. I have to admit that a feeling of bewilderment has more or less haunted me, and sometimes I completely lost my direction of endeavor, not knowing what to do. Our society has become increasingly awkward for one to be a doctor; especially at present, this occupation has showed its high risk in mainland China: no dignity, no social status, no glory. I am not a pessimist. I've dreamt that the situation be changed overnight. Yet the reality delivers me a heavy blow. Perhaps,everything was wrong at the very beginning.

----------------------

Please edit the original passage or edit mine.
Thank you
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 312 • Replies: 4
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View best answer, chosen by oristarA
neologist
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Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2016 02:07 am
@oristarA,
This is just a suggestion keeping as much of your thought as possible. There certainly are many other ways:

This morning I realized that there are only 63 days left for my PhD dissertation defense. I have to admit that a feeling of bewilderment has more or less haunted me, and sometimes I (have) completely lost my direction of endeavor, not knowing what to do. (In) Our society (it) has become increasingly awkward for one to be a doctor; especially at present ( ; ) this occupation has showed its high risk in mainland China: no dignity, no social status, no glory. I am not a pessimist. I've dreamt that the situation be changed overnight. Yet the reality delivers me a heavy blow. Perhaps,everything was wrong at the very beginning.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2016 08:14 am
@neologist,
neologist wrote:

This is just a suggestion keeping as much of your thought as possible. There certainly are many other ways:

This morning I realized that there are only 63 days left for my PhD dissertation defense. I have to admit that a feeling of bewilderment has more or less haunted me, and sometimes I (have) completely lost my direction of endeavor, not knowing what to do. (In) Our society (it) has become increasingly awkward for one to be a doctor; especially at present ( ; ) this occupation has showed its high risk in mainland China: no dignity, no social status, no glory. I am not a pessimist. I've dreamt that the situation be changed overnight. Yet the reality delivers me a heavy blow. Perhaps,everything was wrong at the very beginning.


Cool. Thanks.
I wonder whether I've used "be" correctly in "I've dreamt that the situation be changed overnight."
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oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2016 08:17 am
@neologist,
What is more important: Do my edited version sound natural to native English speakers? If not, how to make it one?
neologist
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Jan, 2016 01:22 pm
@oristarA,
Many prefer to use the word 'dreamt' to refer to actual dreams, reserving 'dreamed' to represent 'conceived' or 'hoped'. . . No standard rule that I can find. . .

Perhaps "I have hoped the situation might be changed . . . "
Or. "I have dreamed that the situation might be changed. . . "

Strange that I still wish to insert the unnecessary 'that' into the latter.
Maybe it is just personal idiosyncrasy.
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