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How to edit the sentence?

 
 
Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2016 05:31 am
A bag of rock salt just bought from a supermarket has an introduction on its covering:

Quote:
This product belongs to the rock salt series products, in strict accordance with the standard. This product is convenient, timing, quantitative, great taste.


It sounds quite awkward and I want to improve it.

I've given it a try:

This product is of rock salt, made in strict accordance with the food standard. It adds to the great taste of your food.

Well, I wonder whether the result of my editing sounds good in your native English speakers' ears.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 359 • Replies: 3
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View best answer, chosen by oristarA
FBM
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Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2016 05:35 am
@oristarA,
oristarA wrote:

...I've given it a try:

This product is of rock salt, made in strict accordance with the food standard. It adds to the great taste of your food.

Well, I wonder whether the result of my editing sounds good in your native English speakers' ears.


Your version is clearly an improvement. Here's what I would say:

"This is a rock salt product, made in strict accordance with food industry standards. It greatly enhances the taste of your food."




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Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2016 05:35 am
It is good, and much better than the original. 'Timing' is certainly meaningless, and also the original text is severely ungrammatical. FBM's is even better.

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oristarA
 
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Reply Sun 3 Jan, 2016 06:08 am
Cool!
Thank you both.
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