Advise on a complicated 30 day no contact period

Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2015 02:33 am
My ex told me we were going to go in a 30 day no contact but never really did it for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I'm blocked on fb...I ask her about it and she says its just too hard right now but it's just temp. Then I noticed she blocked my dad on Facebook deleted mom and sister but still friends with aunt and step sister then she deleted me on Spotify...She stated there's still hope for us and to respect her choices I said ok I will not initiate convo. We were together for 2 years and lived together for 1.5 years...I found out I had PTSD after she decided to leave said it's too late she needs to see change..These are all through texts btw. We contd to talk for a few more days...then one night she has some questions about her jeep so I try to help to the best of my ability (she moved to padre with her mom 9 hour drive) then ask if there is someone there to help because without seeing it or hearing it's hard to tell...then mentioned a few other suggestions...a few hours later she says thanks will try..I asked to let me know how things go..,that was our last convo...2 weeks went by and I couldn't resist calling for thanksgiving...no answer...so now we are on day 32 and I try calling but it just rung once...blocked? So I *67 and hung up on 2nd ring...blocked? Then wait try once more without *67 and rung twice then vm....rejected or blocked? I dunno what to do being 9 hours away...plus I was told that she met a guy through her mom as soon as she got there and they have been hanging out since and they looked happy...no confirmation on dating...the few mutual friends that didn't delete me have not said anything and they don't know that I know of the two hanging out (rebound)..my ex told me she met him but that is it she claims she just wants to be single for awhile and focus on herself...the mutual friends just say focus on myself and don't really say anything else and state they haven't even talked to her (lies) one friend has actually hung with me twice and I told her this girl was hitting on me but I wasn't interested and she told me she would be hitting on me too.,I didn't entertain that..now we barely talk...another mutual friend then randomly asks me if I was in my hometown or padre...then played dumb when asked why ask that...she said cause you were in padre not long ago and thought we moved there together but she knows we are not together and I know she knows of my ex and the other guy hanging but she doesn't know I know...anyway I don't know what's going on...does she want me to chase her...cause when I was there over a month ago she did say something about me moving there but changed her mind the next day...things were a roller coaster with us that week...and ended badly...I didn't know I had PTSD at this time..,she actually doesn't know I have been diagnosed and been getting help there was just speculation...I love this woman...what can I do...I feel I need to move there not for her but that is the only place I find true peace and I have literally been around the world...i just don't want her to think I'm stalking or not respecting her...HELP! Also I'm her first real relationship other 3 were all long distance I'm 9 years older and was married for 9 years she's 22 and I'm 31...she said she just needs freedom and to be wild and free to discover herself...
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Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2015 07:02 am
Concentrate on getting better and not on the minutiae of this situation.

She blocks you when she doesn't feel like talking to you. When she needs help with her jeep, suddenly she's available to talk to you.

Maybe think about that before you waste any more energy on this.
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Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2015 09:15 am
shawnmizzles wrote:
...I didn't know I had PTSD at this time..,she actually doesn't know I have been diagnosed and been getting help there was just speculation...

talk to the person who is helping you with the PTSD - they can hopefully recommend someone who can assist you in getting past this woman

you need to focus on taking care of yourself and moving on with your life - making decisions that are healthy for you

*67 ? no. don't do it.

sounds like she'll contact you if she needs practical help from you but isn't interested in an ongoing relationship at this point

work on moving on

hopefully you'll soon be in an emotional place to start meeting people who are interested in you, not in what you can do for them
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Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2015 09:16 am
shawnmizzles wrote:
I feel I need to move there not for her but that is the only place I find true peace

not sure which place you're talking about here ... but ... what is it about this place that gives you peace?
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Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2015 12:38 pm
She has asked to be left alone for 30 days in order to find herself. Respect that.

Get into therapy and work hard for 30 days to help find methods of coping with your issues. Insist that she respect your treatment time.

Then after 30 days, see if she wants to re-connect.

(You really don't have a choice. She is young and not able to make a commitment to you right now. You have things to do, with or without her)
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